intimacy, marriage problems, sexual intimacy, sexual intimacy struggles, sexual struggles, Uncategorized
Slippery When Wet: Lubricant Review
Nov
“All in the name of research” is what I said to my husband when I told him I wanted us to review personal lubricants for sexual intimacy.
His response? I think it was something coy like, “Well, I suppose… for research sake.”
Even as sexually aware as I am, when I decided to review lubricants, I did not realize the array of choices out there.
The days of K-Y Jelly being the only choice are long gone.
And honestly, that’s a good thing.
Anyone looking for a lubricant really wouldn’t have too much difficulty finding one. I even asked readers for suggestions and discovered many of which I had never even heard.
Quite a few people also suggested saliva, which I agree can often be great lubricant. And I’m not just talking about during oral sex. Many couples quickly discover that simply applying saliva to the vaginal area or the penis prior to penetration can work quite well.
Other people suggested natural oils, such as coconut, sesame, olive and jojoba.
Artificial lubricants (often called “personal lubricants”) are categorized a number of different ways, and can be found over-the-counter or online.
Some are considered vaginal moisturizers and others offer “enhanced sensations” of tingling, warming and so forth. Some are even specialized for fertility, meaning they are less toxic to sperm, which could be an important factor for a married couple that is trying to get pregnant.
Some lubricants are glycerine free, paraben free, hypoallergenic, fragrance free, etc.
There are lubricants marketed for “her” and for “him.” Lubricants come in various consistencies, with some appearing more like lotions and others like gels and still others that are quite liquid-y. (I know. That’s not a word. But you get what I’m saying).
I even found some that were “whipped.” Like frosting.
Some are classified as organic, but you have to really research and study if something truly is organic. There are various standards out there.
No surprise, there are lubricants that come in a variety of flavors, likely developed to make oral sex more appealing — or just because “raspberry flavored lubricant” has more marketing appeal than just plain ol’ non-flavored lubricant. Go figure.
(A friend of mine, who shall remain anonymous, thinks they should make lubricant flavored like Cabernet Sauvignon. I tell ya, that girl needs some serious help).
And what about bacon-flavored lubricant?
Bacon is all the rage now, so I’m not surprised that there is indeed bacon-flavored lubricant. (Yes. I found it online. You could find it too if you or your beloved really have a thing for bacon. I mean, you’d really have to have a thing for it, right, to have your body, not to mention your bedroom, smell like bacon?).
I also found bourbon-flavored lubricant. I told my husband we didn’t need that one because I’m already drunk on his love. (Insert smirky smile here).
Novelty aside, lubrication is a topic worthy of discussion in many marriages. There are so many lubricants available that I obviously couldn’t cover them all, but hopefully I’ve done a little leg work for you.
While some people may think they shouldn’t “need” artificial lubricant or that such products are not “Christian-like” to use, I really believe there is nothing wrong with artificial lubrication.
In fact, lubrication can do wonders for a married couple’s sexual intimacy, making the experience more enjoyable for both of them. For a newly-married couple just starting out, lubrication can help ease some of the pain that comes as a wife’s vaginal walls stretch to accomodate her husband.
If a husband has a particularly large penis, lubrication can make intercourse not only easier, but also more pleasurable.
Some couples find a lubricant is helpful at certain times in a wife’s menstrual cycle or during sex where water is involved (like sex in the shower, where the water causes more friction).
Also, some women may find that their vagina does not secrete enough lubrication during sexual arousal and/or may experience reduced natural lubrication during menopause, so an artificial lubricant is definitely worth trying.
And if a couple is using a condom, they may find that added lubrication can increase the comfort during sexual intimacy.
A few basics you should know about lubricants:
They are water-based, oil-based or silicone-based. This is important to know, especially if you are using condoms.
If you are using a condom, you should not use oil-based (also sometimes called petroleum-based) lubricant because it can break down the condom material.
This also can happen with some silicone-based lubricants. (Supposedly there is a product called Simply Slick that is proven to be the only oil-based lubricant safe for use with condoms, but I don’t know much about it).
Suffice to say, you need to read the packaging on any lubricant before you consider using it with a condom.
When it comes to lubricant quantity, less is usually better than more. If you use lubricant, start out with a small amount. Some friction is still necessary to make sexual intercourse enjoyable for you and your spouse.
There’s a fine balance with this. Too much lubrication and you’re sliding all over the place with no stimulation. Too little lubrication and there can be pain. Trial and error. Gotta see what works best.
It’s easier to start with a small amount and add than it is to try to wipe off what you don’t need.
Also, if you are prone to urinary tract infections, you would be wise to urinate before and after sex and wash your genital area thoroughly after using a lubricant. Some people do find that the lubricant is more prone to trap bacteria. There also are vaginal infections, such as bacterial vaginosis, and yeast infections that some studies have found occur more frequently with lubricant use.
As for buying lubricants, this has never been easier.
For one, the stigma is gone, and now you can find a whole section of lubricants beautifully displayed at your local drugstore or superstore (Wal-Mart, Walgreens, CVS, Target, etc.)
Many also are available online, with several lubricants having their own professionally-designed sites.
On some of these sites you can buy directly, whereas others route you to online retailers.
When researching lubricants, I discovered I could find most of them without stumbling across sites with questionable content. Unfortunately, this is not always the case, but like I said… you shouldn’t have any problem finding quality lubricants from reputable sites.
A few of the brands we personally reviewed through actual use included Sliquid, Yes, K-Y, Pure Romance, Firefly Organics, Liquid Silk, Pjur, and Astroglide.
Others that were recommended but we didn’t try were Pink, Wet, Wet Platinum, Good Clean Love, Sex Tarts, Good Head, JO Lubricants, and Sylk.
These companies either wouldn’t return my emails and/or requests for samples. That doesn’t mean they aren’t worth trying. I actually heard a lot of great comments about Wet Platinum.
Quite a few brands offer a whole line of lubricants, with varieties in flavors, composition, specific use and so forth.
Before I give you our insights, you should know that personal lubricant use really is that — it’s all about personal preference.
The ones we liked you may try and not like as well. And the ones we weren’t crazy about, you maybe would try and would love.
That’s just how it goes with lubricant.
And a lot of things, really. But let’s stay on topic.
If you find that you want to try a lubricant either because sex is uncomfortable or because you want variety, then find a few to try. What one person likes may be different than what another person likes.
With that in mind, here are the insights on the ones we tried:
1. Sliquid
By far, we liked this one the best. Great product all the way around, in our opinion. It had the right feel — it wasn’t too slippery, but also didn’t get tacky. It had staying power. Sliquid comes in quite a few varieties, so you would want to check out their website.
2. Liquid Silk
Our second favorite, for many of the same reasons we liked Sliquid. Key for us again was that it didn’t become tacky. Liquid Silk also has staying power. It also is silky white in color, which some people may find appealing because it looks a lot like semen.
3. Yes
Many of my readers recommended Yes, which is an organic lubricant that was developed after thorough research. They offer oil-based and water-based. We agree that it is quite good and does mimic the body’s natural lubrication well. It easily was in our top 3.
4. Astroglide
By far the best over-the-counter personal lubricant. Astroglide has been around since the early 90s and, in my opinion, has a much better feel than many of the other lubricants you can find at your local store. In fact, it is the lubricant I most recommend if someone doesn’t want to go on-line to buy a lubricant.
While it is difficult to pinpoint our disappointment with the below lubricants, it really just comes down to they didn’t feel right for us.
That’s not to say they wouldn’t for someone else, but they weren’t our favorites:
5. Pjur
This lubricant is made in Germany and quite a few people recommended it to me. We tried the Pjur Aqua and found it to be just okay. It became somewhat tacky, which was disappointing.
Like a lot of the other lubricants, though, it comes in different varieties. Might just need to find the right one, so to speak.
6. Pure Romance
Again, didn’t feel right for us. We weren’t in love with this lubricant. It’s not that it became tacky, but rather it just didn’t have the right feel. They have different varieties though.
While we appreciated that this one seems to be well made, we found that it became tacky too quickly. I had a few readers recommend it, though, so I know it does have a following.
8. K-Y
K-Y was one of the first to offer lubricant and they have really broadened their product list. We tried the Yours and Mine, which supposedly increases the sensations for the woman and the man. We didn’t really notice the difference, but that’s not to say that some couples wouldn’t notice it.
Our other complaint was that it became tacky.
K-Y has a lot of different products, though, so you may find one you really enjoy.
So there you have it! My insights on a few lubricants.
I highly encourage you, though, to not necessarily take my word for it. If you want or need lubricant, try a few and see what you and your spouse like. Also, I did ANOTHER POST on lubricants at this link.
You could also check out what Paul Byerly has to say in his post Got Lube?
Your sexual intimacy is worth it! Any lubricants you would recommend?
Copyright 2013, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.
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We are fans of the “warming” ones, but that yours and mine…. bad stuff… it was more of a burning/painful sensation. Also, there might be an allergy involved because of the rash and irritation afterwards. We will have to look into some of your other suggestions. Thanks!
This is fabulous! I will second your vote for Sliquid, and I like that they provide samplers so that new customers can try out an array of their products and see which ones they like. We’ve used Wet Platinum, and it’s also been good.
However, the lubricants that supposedly warm up to enhance sensations–yeah, that stung so bad I was wincing and running to the bathroom to wash off. I suspect I’m not the only one whose sensitive skin had that reaction. (Just a warning, ladies, in case someone else might have this experience.)
Thanks for doing the lube “research.” I know it’s because you’re selfless and all that, just wanting to help us folks out here. 😉 Honestly, great summary!
Man! We just bought the His & Hers last night because it was highly recommended by someone. Hopefully it works for us. But if not, we’ll have fun trying it out!
Coconut oil, FTW.
Coconut oil all the way! Can use it for cooking and sex (separate them before use…), and you can buy it at Costco.
I appreciate you and your husbands dedication and willingness to research for us. Thank you for the tough work! I think I we might have to try some new items.
BTW – for us, age also made a big difference in out need for lubes.
Insightful and helpful essay. Lubricants can and do help a couple’s sexual intimacy and comfort. We found them to be more appropriate/helpful for intercourse than for oral sex. Married couples ought to make use of lubricants as needed. The natural alternative, coconut oil, sounds good.
The flavored lubricants are likely intended to make oral sex more appealing, and can help when both taste and extra lubrication are concerns. If extra lubrication is not needed, some couples improvise and make use of a piece of chocolate or a mint in their mouth before starting to alleviate taste issues. (It is advisable to read the listed ingredients as some lubricants may contain some chemical compounds that might be better left out of the mouth.)
Once we tried coconut oil, we haven’t tried anything else. We get it in a big white plastic jar at Walmart. Works as massage oil, also.
We keep a smaller container in the bedroom. If the kids see us filling the bedroom container, we tell them that it’s good for thier mom’s dry skin. (smirkywinky)
Natural oils that you can buy at the grocery store are great. Inexpensive, and safe to put in your mouth. A lot of people swear by coconut oil, and it does have a nice texture. My gynecologist recommended almond oil, and I really like it. Unlike coconut oil, it is liquid at room temperature. It is lightweight, and doesn’t have a strong odor or flavor.
I’m a small woman and my husband’s a “blessed” man, so lube is quite important to us! We tried Pure Romance and thought the same thing–it was just weird! Then we went to water-based KY, which worked great for a while. Then I got an infection of some sort, so we decided to try coconut oil. We love it and that’s all we use now. It took a little getting used to at first, and I wish I had known how easily it stains the sheets! Definitely keep something nearby to wipe your hands! But since we’ve worked the kinks out we’ve loved it.
You might want to add Alboline to the list. Find at Walgreens. It’s presented as a makeup remover but more gets purchased for sex than any other reason. Also good when the kids ask about it.
Coconut oil for us is the best. We like it, it melts in your hand and is not overly messy like most oils. It also soaks into your skin, not too slick, just right. We have tried many lubricants over the years and still like coconut oil the best.
Another vote for coconut oil! I actually love that, depending on the season, it is solid at room temperature- helps placement. 🙂
We tried K-Y years ago but I didn’t like how it was cold and gooey.
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I guess I accidentally gave my husband a hand job with coconut oil. I’d tried doing that before and he said it was great foreplay, but with the coconut oil on my hands that was that! I had just given him a back massage and I rolled him over and went for it. The first time or so the ‘result’ can be a bit off-putting but I have to say you get used to it. Having such control over MDH is very arousing and he’s very keen to ‘return the favor’ in spades. *Blushing proudly!*
We agree that Sliquid is great and in addition to that we also carry Jo Agape which is formulated specially for women who desire the silky smooth feel of JO without any glycerine, Silicone or oil. JO is recommended worldwide by doctors and pharmacists and will never be sticky or tacky, leaving your skin feeling silky and smooth.
Check out our clean and safe shopping boutique for many more marriage enhancing products.
Wife doesn’t let me use lubricant. She gets annoyed. Your guess is as good as mine. Just another area of our marriage she liked having control over, I guess.
Sigh.
@Topper: stop sighing. She only has control over what you allow her to. Decide you’re having a marriage based on mutual intimacy and respect, and invite her along. You’ll get it either way, with her or without her – it’s her choice. She doesn’t respect you because (for various reasons) you have relinquished control over your actions. Simply decide that you deserve the marriage intimacy that Julie writes about, and proceed from there.
@WH
I am still waiting for you to use the “D” word.
An ultimatum is not an ultimatum without a penalty if the ultimatum isn’t met.
So exactly what action are you recommending should an ultimatum be ignored?
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Here is the one that we use and really like! Slippery Stuff – Personal Lubricant GEL – water based, glycerine free – silky, safe, long lasting! We also researched this online before purchasing and found Slippery Stuff to have positive reviews. We purchased online from drugstore.com
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So this may be a dumb question but WHO puts on or uses the lube? I have bought the “slippery stuff” lube recently and I haven’t used it yet or one ever but I was wondering does the man put it on his penis or does the woman put it in her vagina? Laugh at me if you must but I can’t seem to find this answer anywhere lol
@Me: I use lube all the time during sex. My wife puts it on me, I put it on her during foreplay. If my wife’s a little dry or uncomfortable during sex, I will put some on myself and continue.
@Topper: sorry it took so long for me to reply, I didn’t see your post.
Your answer is yes. If no response to an ultimatum is offered, you pull the trigger.
Several of the lube products you mentioned have nerve disrupting chemicals in the them called parabens or phylates. I just thought you should know, they are harmful. Blessings!
Alisa – GREAT CATCH! I noticed it as well. There are some great natural lubes out there that dont contain ingredients linked to breach cancer such as parabens. Check out Simply Slick and Aloe Cadabra
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Another vote for coconut oil!
My wife was a skeptic but now a believer…
Nooky Lube
From their website; “Beautifully designed in an elegant black pump bottle, that can discreetly sit on your bedside table. Nooky Lube is a natural water based lubricant that is petrochemical, glycerine and paraben-free.”
We like it more than Sliquid (water based) and it’s available in a 32oz pump bottle! We don’t have anything interest in the company but we think it’s a great water based lube. Amazon.com is where we found it.
On a side note, our Sliquid is in a handy, automatic, hands free liquid soap dispenser. One of the kind that you just wave your hand under and it dispenses a specified amount. Picked it up at the local bed and bath store. Works great.
I have a bottle of Swiss Navy silicone lube on order but have never tried it so we can update after it arrives if anyone is interested.
Coconut oil is great but like any fully oil based lube, it has a bad habit of staining and can be difficult to clean up after.
All,
Many thanks for all the well informed comments. We have been married for 35 years and things were neglected but we want to rekindle the fire. We will try lubrication for the first time; just ordered three different types, so I hope this is a new chapter for an oldish book..
Alan
The absolute best lubricant is to bring your wife to orgasm orally before sexual intercouse. If this is not going to happen (and it should really) then I agree with Julie that ASTROGLIDE is the best.
Wow! you really tried the best ones in the market.all those are top rated products. I liked your precaution part, but you might add the two man ingredient parabens and glycerin people should avoid. Even some of the best brands in the market got these two destructive element.
Anyway thanks for such an inspiring article.
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My wife Tammy and I tend to have sex often sometimes she gets really dry and hurts me physically. Love the lubes
That’s great !! You really works hard to provide here all the top product of present market. You may add here also the Maple Holistics Natural personal lubricants for sensitive skin. But i normally use Astroglide lube because of my spouse prefer this. Whatever natural lubricant always best for getting natural intimacy of sex.
I really think people overthink the whole lube think, going to amazon or any lube review website, you should find the treat.
Also, you should be ready to try a few before zeroing in on the perfect for you. The one that works for might not work for you but you can start there and expand.
Many praised the coconut oil, but nobody wrote how to use it. Can you please explain. Do we Insert the oil into the vagina or on the penis ?
Is there any side effects, due to the oil ?
Please enlighten me .
Yes please
Let us know how to use the coconut oil
@BBB … Coconut oil typically comes in a solid form, but as you warm it in your hands, it will liquify. Start with a small amount applied to either the penis or the vagina. If there is too much friction, add more. If there is not enough friction to create pleasure, then wipe some of it off. Hope this is helpful.
Any suggestions for a post menopausal female with sand paper vagina who absolutely needs lube to alleviate pain but the decrease in friction caused by the lube decreases sensation for my husband who then has a hard time maintaining an erection?
I would also love to hear how to use the coconut oil. Thank you in advance.
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In your post you mentioned that some lubes could cause a yeast infection. Could you send me a link to some research (if you have one). I’ve read that saliva, from oral sex, can cause a bacterial offset which could cause a yeast infection as well.
Amost everytime we make love she gets an infection. It’s driving us both nuts trying to figure out why…
Thanks for sharing your personal experience with us.
We use lube all the time during sex. We love that.
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