I questioned how to write a headline to capture what popped into my head this morning. Not sure if what I landed on does the trick, because I’m now wondering if you are anticipating me talking about sex in a car.
I promise I someday will write about sex in a car, but today I want to flesh out what I was thinking about this morning while making the bed. It involves cars, marriage and sex.
Who has analogies like that randomly skating across their conscious? Clearly, I do. No one in the room is surprised, I’m sure.
I was thinking about how when you go to buy a car, you are reminded there are always some standard features included. Of course, there are various upgrades that give you additional features at various tiers. You might even consider them bonus features! You’re not likely to get the heated seats and sunroof on the base model, right?
What occurred to me is that regardless of what model car you buy, there are always certain features included that are deemed essential. Seat belts are essential equipment now included in all new cars. Gauges and/or various alerts are included. Windows that can be lowered and raised. Windshield wipers to keep the windshield clear. Doors that lock and unlock.
We could go on and on and probably come up with a long list of car features that are standard. They are going to show up in some form on all models of new cars.
I think we should look at sex in marriage the way we should look at some of those standard features on a car—essential to an enjoyable and healthy journey.
Sure, I could drive without a seatbelt. Or I could ignore the gauges that tell me what’s going on with my car. But doing so puts me at risk of not having the best journey. If I’m hurt seriously or fatally in a car crash because I didn’t have my seat belt on, the journey wasn’t so great, right? Or if I act as if the check engine light or low fuel alert are optional to consider, I do so at my peril.
Basic features on a car are there for a reason. Sex in marriage is there for a reason.
God designed sex in marriage to do the same things those basic features on a car are designed to do—minimize risk, lower stress, keep us safe, and help us enjoy the journey.
We could take this car/marriage analogy even further and say that certainly marriages come in all shapes and forms.
Some people marry and get perks (bonus features!) right from the get go. Maybe finances aren’t a concern because one or both spouses are incredibly financially secure. Maybe the couple lives in a place with low crime. Maybe one spouse is a gourmet cook. And the other spouse is a computer whiz and there’s never a worry that your network won’t be set up right. Maybe one or both spouses come from healthy mature families, so there’s not a lot of drama with the in-laws.
But no matter how many or how few perks or bonus features a marriage has, it will all be for naught if a husband and wife don’t pay close attention to the essentials. Sex is meant to be engrained in marriage as an essential. If we rarely or never avail ourselves of it, we jeopardize the journey.
When you think of your own marriage, have you paid attention and enjoyed sex as if it is essential to your marriage? Or have you nonchalantly looked past it as something extra—a bonus feature? You could take it or leave it, but you don’t see it as crucial to the marriage.
If you had to or wanted to drive across the country, you probably would still get in a car that didn’t have heated seats or a sunroof. Would you do the same thing if the car didn’t have seatbelts or if a bunch of warning lights were flashing on the dash?
We regard intimacy in marriage as either essential or as optional. Those two perspectives yield vastly different journeys.
Just something to ponder.
Copyright 2020, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.