As I already mentioned and teased about yestereday, my friend Madge and I had quite the laugh over something she received in the mail.
When she first pulled out the catalog, I right away recognized it as one similar to the catalogs my mother-in-law has received for years.
You know what I’m talking about. The ones where you can buy everything from wonder supplements for arthritis, an out-of-this-world cover for your food in your microwave AND compression socks.
It’s the paper version of an infomercial. BUT WAIT…There’s MORE!
Madge was giddy with delight to show me the catalog. “Certainly, we aren’t old enough to be excited about this catalog, are we?!” I thought to myself.
We started at the beginning, and she slowly flipped through the pages, eagerly pointing out along the way things like Clarks shoes, various home items, healthcare wonders and a plethora of clothing options geared for the above 50 (60?) crowd.
We get to page 49, and I kid you not, there is a CPAP cleaner. You know, one of those contraptions that sanitizes the machine that provides you Continuous Positive Airway Pressure. (If you are in the under 30 crowd, ask your parent or grandparent what a CPAP machine is. They will know).
“As Seen on TV” the ad proclaims! Cleans your CPAP machine with one touch!
Just catty-corner from this on the page is a supplement for “fast relief for stubborn mucous.” By this time, Madge has me convinced that we are no longer the 20-year-olds we’ve made ourselves out to be in our minds.
BUT WAIT…There’s MORE!
She flips to pages 50-51, and there is a complete spread of sex toy choices!! YES! Sex toys. And what I find particularly encouraging is there are sex toys for men and for women. Quite the variety, I might add.
And then we flip to page 52, and we are right back to memory foam pillows and compression socks. We laughed and laughed.
I’d love to know which items are ordered most often from this catalog. The sex toys? The compression socks? The CPAP cleaning machine? The only thing that could have made this more appropriate is if the sex toy spread started on page 69.
Here’s a little sidenote that made the story even funnier…
Madge mentioned she was recently having some work done at her house, and the workers would have to get into her garage when she wasn’t there. They would just be doing some garage work, but then called to say they had to come into the house to do a few things as well.
She and a friend had just been looking at the catalog the night before, and they had left it open to the sex toy page. Her friend wisely suggested they close the magazine rather than leave it all sprawled out on the counter, open to the sex toy spread. Good thing! Otherwise, the workers would have caught a glimpse of her… uh… reading material.
Just in case you are wondering, the catalog is for an online enterprise called FeelGoodStore.com. I should have known they would have sex toys in a catalog for the Feel Good Store.
One-stop shopping, folks! Get your CPAP sanitizer and something that will give you a fabulous orgasm! BUT WAIT…There’s MORE!
There’s always more, my friends. Just don’t stop at page 49.
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