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But what about giving it? Can that be as much of—or even more of—a turn on as receiving it? I answer with a definitive YES! But I might be fairly alone in that camp, especially as a wife.
I hear from men all the time who love pleasing their wives orally. I hear from few wives who share the sentiment. Wives who are willing to perform oral sex often do so begrudgingly or for special occasions, like birthdays or anniversaries. But it’s not something they initiate or suggest in the sexual encounters in their marriage.
Before I journey too much further in this post, I would be remiss if I didn’t offer up an important disclaimer. For some wives who were sexually abused in their past, oral sex may be too big of a trigger of pain if that particular act was part of the abuse. Husbands, if this is the case with your wife, be sensitive.
Marriage needs to be a place of love, and it’s not loving to continually ask something of her that stirs horrendous memories of sexual abuse. In those scenarios, I get why a wife not only wouldn’t see oral sex as a turn on, but she can barely embrace it as a possibility.
There are many wives, though, who have not been abused. Their unwillingness to give oral sex, let alone enjoy giving it, is more about preference.
What will it take to get more wives in my camp of being turned on by giving oral sex?
For many wives, this is the biggest hurdle. They see performing oral sex as a task, rather than a pathway to pleasure—their husband’s and their own.
As a wife, you are in a position of phenomenal sexual power and influence. Biblically, you are the only one who can elicit this kind of response from your husband. You are the only one who can bring him incredible sexual pleasure that most husbands say equates to feeling deeply loved.
So mindset is everything. When you please your husband sexually, he feels loved. Making him feel that depth of love can be quite arousing for you, if you let it. It turns me on to know that when I make my husband climax, in that moment he doesn’t just experience pleasure; he experiences love.
What is your attitude about his pleasure and your own? Do you value both? Do you see it as a privilege to bring pleasure to the man you love and married? If so, all these things can apply to oral pleasure. Oral sex has huge potential to be an amazing expression of intimacy and love.
And that’s a huge turn on.
Okay guys, cleanliness helps a ton. Maybe even some manscaping. I know I’m talking logistics here, but some wives who struggle with oral sex would be more at ease if the area is clean and smelling nice.
If she’s more at ease and isn’t distracted by things she finds unappealing, she has an easier time allowing herself to be aroused in the moment.
Which brings me to number 3…
As a wife, do you think of oral sex on your husband as an experience where you give and he just lies back and receives? If so, that’s not uncommon. And certainly some oral sex experiences should be that way, where he just gets to enjoy the moment without having to do anything.
BUT what I will say to both husbands and wives is that if you want to up the chances she will be turned on at the same time, lend a hand to the process, men. As a wife, position yourself in such a way that your husband can reach your clitoris and vagina with his hand.
As a husband, use your hand to caress her and stimulate her as she is orally pleasing you.
Not long ago, I received a comment from a husband who said he once reached down to his wife’s vagina as she was performing oral sex on him, and he discovered she was wet. She was turned on.
It’s not that far-fetched of an idea—that as a wife you can become aroused when you perform oral sex on the man you love. With the right heart attitude, a bit of cleanliness and his helping hand, this is all way more possible than you maybe have ever considered.
Well. Until now.
Copyright 2020, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.