5 Ways to Discover What Your Spouse Loves MOST About Sex


love-about-sexThe benefits of sex in marriage? WOW!

That would be a copious list, right?! There are countless reasons to love it. Treasure it. Savor it. Pursue it.

But what do YOU love most about sex in your marriage? And what does your spouse love most? It can be so hard to narrow it down to one thing. Good news! You don’t have to!

Sometimes what we love about sex can be described as an overall emotional feeling during lovemaking. And sometimes it is a specific physical aspect of sex that is intertwined with the feeling. A particular touch or technique or position can elicit a particular emotional feeling.

There may be one certain move during foreplay or making love that helps your spouse feel especially desired, valued or affirmed.

Sometimes what we love most is the feeling after lovemaking. I’ve often said that I like my husband better after we make love. I feel more connected to him and better able to extend grace and be lighthearted with him.

And sometimes it is the actual physical feeling that you really love—the way your spouse knows exactly how to make you come intensely. I’ve often said to my husband that an intense orgasm is one of the best feelings in the world. Indescribable.

So many reasons to love SEX!

I wrote this post to challenge you to have a conversation with your spouse about what you both genuinely enjoy about sex. There are a number of ways to initiate this conversation. 

Just be sure to keep in mind setting and timing. This is meant to be a conversation that draws you together, so be sure to have keen awareness if the moment is right to delve into exploring what you both love about sex.

Some couples find that the best time to talk about what they love about sex is right after making love. The afterglow as you bask in each other arms can afford you an ideal opportunity to say, “I love it so much when…”

Why is this conversation (whenever you have it) so significant? For starters, it is an opportunity to learn more about the person you love. Woohoo! I tell you what, if there is a way to learn more about your spouse, do it!

You may assume you know what they love about sex and you may assume they know what you love, but what if you both are working with limited knowledge? Assumption can be such a screwballish way to get at the truth.

Also, a conversation like this can be sweet foreplay. I mean, you’re talking about sex. You both could get all hot and bothered with a conversation like that. Yessss!!

Want to find out what your spouse loves about sex? Below are a few ideas for initiating the conversation (assuming you have that timing thing figured out).

5 Ways to Discover What Your Spouse Loves MOST About Sex

1. Declare something specific.

Share something specific you love about sex and then springboard into asking your spouse what they love. Then share something else you love about sex and ask them to share something else. This can turn into a sweet volley of gaining sexual knowledge.

2. Simply ask the question.

“What do you love about sex?” Just posing the question can sometimes be the best way to initiate the conversation.

3. Couch it in a gesture. 

Think of a gesture that will have shared meaning for just the two of you.

One idea is a gift that has a relevant tie-in to the thing you love about sex. Get creative. Use your imagination. If you love the way your wife caresses you with her fingernails during sex, maybe get a bottle of red nail polish and wrap it up with a note that says, “The way you touch me with your nails when we make love drives me wild!”

That was a relatively tame example I just gave, but you could be more erotic. And it wouldn’t have to be a gift. It could be as simple as a note you write and put some place for them to discover later.

As long as you can keep the gesture exclusive between the two of you, embrace the opportunity to creatively express what you love about sex and to ask them what they love.

4. Whisper it discreetly in a public setting.

This can be quite affirming (and arousing!)—especially if your spouse is a fan of public displays of affection. Obviously, you want the affection to be appropriate, but what you whisper in their ear? Yeah, that can be totally specific and suggestive!

So as you are holding your spouse’s hand or as you are physically close to them (like at a party, restaurant, church, other gathering or even just as you are walking along a street), pull them close and whisper in their ear, “I feel so loved by you when you…”  Fill in the blank with the specific sexual touch or technique.

5. Plan a romantic evening or getaway

Sure, this takes a bit more planning, but whether you surprise your spouse with an evening or getaway or the two of you plan it together, use it as an opportunity to talk about what you love about sex.

Extended time alone with each other allows the undivided attention needed for deep conversation. And passionate lovemaking, of course!

I’m sure we could come up with more ideas to initiate this sort of conversation on what you each love most about sex. But whatever you do, don’t assume you already know or that your spouse already knows. Have the conversation.

For more reading, you can cruise through my list of past posts, as well as my page with a bunch of posts on orgasm.

Copyright 2020, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.

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1 thoughts on “5 Ways to Discover What Your Spouse Loves MOST About Sex

  1. Running Deeper says:

    Well, I did ask my wife what she loved about sex and without batting an eyelid she responded – oral sex. I love to receive it but I also love to give it. Wasn’t quite what I was expecting (though I did love her response!) but it did get us talking about why we both loved oral sex so much. She also added that she loves that I always put her first when it comes to sex and here I am thinking she always puts me first!! Thanks for posing the question. Great discussions.

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