authentic, orgasm, passion, sexual intimacy, sexual intimacy struggles, Uncategorized
I’m Not an Olympic Athlete. But I Still Have Awesome Sex.
Feb
It’s time for the Winter Olympics!
Every few years, Olympic athletes wow us with flexibility, endurance and skills that don’t even seem humanly possible, right?!
Jaw-dropping, really.
The training regimen alone to which most Olympic athletes adhere is quite mind-boggling. Just the training regimens are why nearly all of us are not Olympic athletes.
They live, eat, breathe it in a way that… well… we don’t.
I thought about being an Olympic athlete at one time. But then someone said I’d need to run 10 miles at 4 am, then do a morning workout of 3 hours, followed by an afternoon of hard-core practice.
And I was like, “Uh, I think I’m going to sit this one dream out.”
Good news, though!
Even though I do not have an Olympic athlete’s perfectly-toned body, amazing lung and heart capacity and implausible flexibility, I still have some mad skills in the bedroom!
I mean, if there was a competition for this, clearly I would be podium worthy. I’d have to crawl up on that podium because I would be so exhausted. That’s how podium worthy I would be!
All joking aside, my point is that you don’t have to have a perfect body to have awesome sex. An imperfect body — you know, like one that most people have — will do just fine!
And by “awesome sex,” don’t fall for the lie that it’s all about lots of position variety or having sex every night or lasting for hours. Great sex in marriage — the kind that would earn you a place on a podium — is better identified by these three attributes:
1. Shared value in making sex a priority.
A husband and a wife who are having awesome sex both see sex as a priority. That doesn’t mean it’s happening every night. Good heavens, people. A lot of great sex can be had with less frequency than that. In fact, most great sex is happening with less frequency than that.
When both a husband and a wife look forward to their sexual intimacy and both initiate and nurture it, they create a solid foundation for their sexual connection. They figure out a frequency level that works for them, but generally speaking, couples who value their sexual connection and the positive impact it has on their relationship overall don’t want to go a long time without making love.
When something does cause a decline in their sexual intimacy, they notice. They don’t want sexual distance to be their status quo. Quite the opposite, in fact.
2. Ravenous desire to please each other sexually.
Again, the key with this is mutuality. Having awesome sex has a lot to do with wanting to sexually arouse and satisfy the person you fell in love with and married. I’ve long known that arousing my husband is a huge turn on not only for him, but for me as well.
The exclusivity of the marriage bed affords a married couple the ideal conditions to foster mind-blowing sexual pleasure and orgasm. It is there where we find safe haven, trust, commitment, kindness, grace, love, passion and a willingness to give and receive feedback.
It is there where we get to try. And it is there where we get to discover the touches and arousal that become our knowing, our mutually-created sexual blueprint.
3. Deep appreciation for God’s design for sex in marriage.
Christian husbands and wives who are having awesome sex don’t rely solely on someone else’s interpretation or viewpoint on what the Bible says about sex. Nope. More than likely, they have gone straight to the source themselves and grown in their understanding of God’s heart for marriage and sexual intimacy.
They refuse to camp out in the slander they have heard about sex, maybe even from other Christians — that sex is dirty or only for making babies or no fun in marriage. That’s just not their experience, because they have embraced that God designed it to be soul drenching, pleasurable, a gateway to profound oneness, and fun!
If you look at all I shared above, you will notice none of it has to do with having an ideal body, let alone an Olympic body. (I talk about this more in my post Who Is Having the Best Sex?)
When you consider the three attributes of great sex in marriage, where would you say you and your spouse need to grow the most?
May the Olympics inspire you on what it would take to get on the podium. You know. For your sex skills within your marriage! (Then you could celebrate by coming to bed wearing nothing but your medal. Just an idea to run with. Not 10 miles at 4 am, mind you, but you know what I mean.)
For more reading, check out Sexual Positions in Marriage: Hey I’m a Housewife, Not a Gymnast and Why God Is So Thrilled When You and Your Husband Make Love and Sex Positions for the Rest of Us.
Copyright 2018, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.
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Hmm, well sex at our house has all but diminished. Not for my lack of trying I hope. My wife, it seems has lost interest in sex it seems since she had menopause. It’s really hard for her to reach an orgasm, and wth that, she’s not very interested in trying new ideas to achieve orgasm. I’ve tried and then she takes the whole moment away. It’s so frustrating and then reading your posts about positions and such, makes my heart sink low.
I’ve told her numerous times that I didn’t marry her to have sex alone. She doesn’t seem to understand my needs.
Frustrated
First. Duane h, it’s some consolation that I’m not alone.
Julie
I’m 62 and my wife is nine years and one month older than me. We have been married for 17.5 years and our sex life has all but disappeared over the past ten or twelve years. I have prayed, tried Christian counseling several times (wife stomped out twice and refused to go back another time, all Christian women counselors, two chosen by her), read everything that I could about being a more patient, gentle and “her focused lover”, learned how and given hundreds and hundreds of back, foot, whole body, “no strings attached” massages(with all the upgrades, essential oils, expensive spa candles and spa type music, etc.)and of course ultimately begging. Other than once a year or so, nothing has helped. I try very hard to be understanding, but I’m developing some serious resentment that my “energizer bunny” wife seemingly has time for every everyone and everything except me. I feel more and more distant from my wife and am beginning to hear satan’s minions whisperings about divorce. I’m hanging on by threads and don’t know where to get help. Writing all of this leaves me in years and frustrated.