Intimacy in Marriage

Encouraging Christians toward Healthy Sexual Intimacy

Who is Having the Best Sex?

I have been thinking about this question, “Who is having the best sex?”

A lot of the media coverage as of late has been on the Super Bowl. So subsequently a fair amount of the talk has been on New England quarterback Tom Brady.

Whenever someone is in the spotlight like that, we get a bit of reporting not only on their professional life, but also on their daily personal life.  In the journalism world, this is often called soft news or feature news. Less flattering terms would be “fluff” or “filler” — just something to fill in the gaps that aren’t consumed by the hard news of facts.

Tom Brady has been in the spotlight, so feature stories also have been showing up about his family life and his wife Gisele Bündchen.

Tom is an elite professional athlete. Gisele is a Brazilian super model. If ever there was a couple that is the epitome of “beautiful” by the world’s standards, these two may very well be at the top of the list. With the help of Photoshop, they are made to look even more “perfect” whenever their images grace magazine covers or websites.

The vast majority of us, though, don’t look like that, right? As far as super models, I think I could name about five who are well-known.  That’s it. About five. Maybe those gals are having great sex; maybe they are not.  That really is irrelevant to my point.

What I am trying to illuminate is that the vast majority of married folk out there having the best sex are people who look like everyday people.  People who look like you and me.

We don’t have $500-a-week beauty regimes or facials or fancy wardrobes or expensive personal trainers. We don’t have chefs customizing our meals. We don’t get our hair or nails done at high end salons. And even without all those things, genetically speaking, some people simply are born with features and physical qualities that the world has deemed are more “beautiful.”

I’m not in any way faulting the people who have those things or who look beautiful by society’s standards. I’m simply saying that statistically speaking, an incredibly small portion of the population would be classified as such, and an even more minuscule slice would be considered super models or celebrities or elite athletes.

All things considered, can you grasp that stunning physical beauty is not what makes sex great?  Beautiful people do not have a corner on the “great sex” market because of their physical beauty.

I know many of you are shaking your head right now at what seems like my absurd attempt to point out something. “Yes, Julie,” you may be saying. “I know I am not a super model or an elite athlete.”

Sure, you may not hold yourself to those standards, but what about the general standard out there in society of what is “beautiful?” Even that standard (in all its Photoshopped glory) is not realistic.

My heart is simply to shoot holes in this whole struggle with body image — this relentless bent toward comparing ourselves to those images we see on the red carpet or the magazine covers.

For many women, that body image struggle takes a huge toll on sexual intimacy in their marriage. The battle is exacerbated by every photo they see of what the world values as beautiful.

But most of the world DOES NOT look like that unrealistic standard of outward beauty. Most of the world looks like you and me. And most of the world that is having great sex are people who look like you and me.

Wives, if you know that body image is a stumbling block in your sexual intimacy, I beg of you to take a hard realistic look at that struggle — and to find a way to be more tender with yourself.

You deserve that. Your husband deserves it. And your marriage deserves.

What makes sex great is our willingness to live in our skin, grow in our sexual confidence and seek health and beauty that is not measured against someone who has unlimited access to trainers, chefs, make-up artistic and wardrobe specialists.

It sounds like I’m judging Tom and Gisele, but that’s not what I’m doing at all. Tom and his team just lost the Super Bowl, so for Tom and Gisele’s sake, I hope they have some comfort sex soon.

What I am doing is trying to shed light on the ways that we often sabotage sexual intimacy in our marriages by being our own worst enemies. We toss poisonous arrows across our marriage bed like, “I don’t want my husband to see me naked” and “I hate my body” and “I simply can’t enjoy sex.”

Who is having the best sex? The married couples who are comfortable in their own skin, that’s who.

Who is having the best sex? The married couples who have learned that phenomenal sexual intimacy is built not on society’s standards of beauty, but on the respect, love, passion and adoration they nurture in their own covenant.

Statistically speaking, most of the amazing sex happening in marriages is happening between people who look like you and me. Average everyday people. Having great sex.

For more reading, check out my widely-shared post A Body That Never Quits.

Copyright 2018, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.

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February 4th, 2018 by