Years ago I stumbled upon a blog called Get Rich Slowly, which is not about wealth for wealth’s sake, but is more so about being a good steward of your money.
I was most drawn to the authenticity and vulnerability of the site’s creator, J.D. Roth, who shared about his own financial struggles and what he did to get out of debt and build financial peace.
As nearly all of us know, financial struggles tend to then manifest into other life struggles.
The stress from poor money management or unexpected financial crises begins to erode our health and our most precious relationships.
I know I can point to times in my life (both as a child and as an adult) when money ceased being a tool and instead became a monster in the room, lurking around every corner, stirring up discontent, depression and discord.
I’m not a money writer like J.D. But as an intimacy in marriage writer, I scout around for what ails couples in their intimacy and what they can do to overcome those difficulties.
No surprise, money can be a big stressor in many marriages. It was a stressor in my first marriage, and to a lesser degree, it has been a stressor in my current marriage.
Just like when a couple is trying to improve intimacy, baby steps also count in trying to improve financial security. Fortunately, there are countless resources available to help people not only get out of debt, but also feel confident and at peace with their money management, regardless of how much money they make.
One of the most popular resources is Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University, which popularized the “debt snowball” concept of getting out of debt. Like J.D., Dave Ramsey also has a great personal story of reaching a financial breaking point and then intentionally and incrementally crawling his way out of it — and then teaching others to do the same!
I just love it when people speak out of their own stories.
There also are online tools, such as one we use called You Need a Budget (YNAB) << This link is a referral link, which just means if you use it to get YNAB, I get a free month on my own subscription.
Of course, there are countless other websites and books. And you can find a TON of resources FREE. So much information out there on getting a good handle on your finances. You could start with J.D. Roth’s site Get Rich Slowly.
I know there are many debates about whether good money management is mostly nature or nurture (we have one kid who has always been a saver and one who has always been a spender, yet we’ve modeled and taught the same money management skills to them both).
Regardless of the nature vs. nurture debate, that’s no excuse to not learn and master at least some basic money management skills — and then hopefully go on to master some more complex ones as well. Whether our boys will be successful money managers as adults is yet to be seen, but they certainly won’t be able to say we didn’t give them the tools.
So what does all of this have to do with sex in marriage? Quite a bit actually.
Money problems equal stress, at least in most marriages, and stress rarely creates a perfect backdrop for passionate lovemaking.
Few people are inspired to get busy beneath the sheets when they are busy worrying about how to pay the electric bill or put milk in the fridge or get a new alternator for the car.
So maybe one way to improve your sexual intimacy is to better manage your money. And bonus if as a husband and wife you can TOGETHER be committed to your financial stability. Obviously, that kind of unity builds unity in other areas as well.
Dave Ramsey and J.D. Roth both have shown that starting where you are and improving from there is more than possible. So many people have used the skills Dave and J.D. and others teach to establish and to keep standing on solid financial footing.
The Bible tells us that the love of money is the root of all evil; not money itself. God never wants us to make money an idol. Yet, He scripturally and lovingly encourages us to be wise stewards of what He has entrusted to us, whether that is millions or thousands or even a $20 bill we received for a Christmas gift.
And here is another thing that prevails in good money management and nurtured sexual intimacy — momentum! In general, whatever direction we walk in long enough will become our “normal.”
Become a couple passionate about managing your finances well and that will be your consistent approach. Your normal will be wise stewardship. Likewise, become a couple passionate about regularly nurturing your sexual intimacy, and that will be the normal in your marriage as well.
Good money skills. Good bedroom skills. Let’s be fans of developing mad skills in the areas of life that honor the Lord and each other!
Copyright 2018, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.
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3 thoughts on “Want Better Sexual Intimacy in Your Marriage? Get a Better Handle on Your Finances.”
One of the strangest research conclusions I’ve covered is that having sex four or more times a week correlated with significantly higher wages. Whoa, that’s a nice connection!
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So what happens when the one who has bad money management skills is the same one avoiding sexual intimacy? If I question her spending, I’m “attacking” her. If I ask about or bring up our sex life, I’m “pressuring” her. I know I cannot change her, but she has no interest in changing herself and sees no reason to. I was brought up with the belief that marriage was a life long commitment and she also said she felt that way, too. So, what am I supposed to do? Go against my core values, or live the rest of my life in relative poverty and celibacy. It’s a no win situation.