I have heard that sex is a fairly accurate gauge of how well the marriage is doing.
Good sexual intimacy in marriage translates to good overall marriage.
Think on that a moment.
Think about it in relation to your own marriage. Decide if you think it is true. For your marriage.
What would your spouse say if you asked, “Is sex a fairly accurate gauge of how well our marriage is doing?”
For some of you, this might be quite the launch pad into some deeply needed and vulnerable discussion with the person you married.
I know too that some people find the correlation baloney and way too simplistic to apply to the complexity of marriage. I hear that, and I agree with it a little bit.
But I keep coming back to the way God designed authentic sexual intimacy — what He designed it to do in a marriage.
His heart was undeniably pure and compassionate when He designed sex in the first place. And He chose that avenue as one way — an incredibly significant and exclusive way — for a husband and a wife to know oneness.
I can hear some of you yelling at me through the screen right now. “Julie! THAT’s the problem. What we have is not authentic sexual intimacy!”
My heart grieves for those situations — the struggles, heartache, disconnect, influence of a skewed world. All of it is breaking my heart.
And yet I keep coming back to the hard core truth about sex in a marriage.
If a husband and wife could be having sexual intimacy regularly and are not, is the marriage as strong as it could be?
If there are sexual struggles that consistently are not addressed, is the marriage as strong as it could be?
I love sex. I really do. That probably is no surprise to you if you have read even a small iota of my blog.
But I’m not going to lie to you.
My husband and I have had our sexual droughts and struggles and disconnect, and when that happens, it wears on me.
And it wears on our marriage.
(If you thought we never have sexual struggles in our marriage, then consider yourself now welcomed to the real life world of me. It’s messy and hard and ugly at times).
The hard core truth about sex in marriage?
It is an avenue toward godly and profound connection and pleasure with the person you married. AND it also can be a rocky road toward misconception, misunderstanding and even betrayal in some circumstances.
As long as we are married, we are called to sort that out and to wrestle with trying to better understand God’s heart and our spouse.
Before you think I have completely lost all perspective, I know that authentic sexual intimacy is a much easier thing to reach if you both share that vision. It’s why I write this blog and speak about sex in marriage — I am faithfully trying to help couples find their way to that shared vision.
If your marriage is not quite there, have you talked to your spouse about it? If not, maybe this blog post is a good launching pad for more vulnerable conversation.
Or if your struggles with sex are rooted in things in your past or a misunderstanding of God’s word, then maybe God is using this post to have you look closer — closer at what robbed you then and whether it is still robbing you now in your marriage.
I know these are not easy things to ponder — the whole idea of sex being a gauge of how well things are going in our marriage. Nope. Not easy things to ponder.
That’s why I titled the post, “The Hard Core Truth About Sex in Marriage.”
Copyright 2017, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.