I went to the grocery store because they had milk on sale.
And we needed bananas.
Sadly, they were completely out of bananas (and this is the type of store that totally is on top of having things in stock, so I was a little disappointed about the empty banana section. Proving, of course, that all my problems are first world problems. But I digress).
I was still pondering the baffling banana shortage as I eased my cart into a checkout lane, where the Cosmopolitan cover screamed at me “Sex Moves that Change Lives.”
Obviously, my banana quandary was going to take a back seat to this kind of revelation.
Because if there is any one who wants to know about sex moves that change lives, it is me.
I rarely buy Cosmopolitan.
I think the last time I bought Cosmo was because they had a review of sex toys, and — not gonna lie — I was genuinely fascinated by such a review, which certainly must have been reached through scientifically-sound research (because Cosmo is in to that sort of thing, right?).
I didn’t want to buy the issue with the “Sex Moves that Change Lives.” But I did want to know which moves they were.
Fortunate for me, the woman in front of me had to do multiple transactions, because she wanted to purchase more than one fancy health drink that was on sale, but was limited by the dreadful “1 per transaction” tyranny.
She showed them who was boss.
And gave me time to scan Cosmo.
I quickly turned to the Cosmo page with the promised life-changing sex moves, rolled my eyes at the cheesy tag line for each move, surmised that I had done every position listed, and concluded that my life was not changed by any one move on the list.
It’s Cosmo. Not the New England Journal of Medicine.
But as I was glancing at the array of sexual positions described, it did occur to me that what really does change a life (or a marriage, let’s say) isn’t any one sex move, but rather an attitude of healthy sexual intimacy shared by a husband and a wife.
There are some positions my husband and I find particularly arousing. And that we are quite good at, I might add. I am not opposed to variety and even wrote about it in this post, Sexual Intimacy Variety? Want Some?
But what is a more arousing turn on is simply when we both are turned on — when we both like the sound of the bedroom door shutting, so that we can make love.
New positions and touches within the exclusivity of your marriage are great. But variety can’t be the end all; it has to complement an already healthy attitude about sexual intimacy.
Do you and your husband authentically pursue and enjoy sexual intimacy, regardless of how creative you get?
We can’t get too hung up on this idea that profoundly good sex only happens when we master a wide variety of sexual skills and techniques.
If we cling to that sort of standard too tightly, we actually become less confident and more inhibited in our sexuality. We begin assuming great sex is for “other” people who are sexier or more adventuresome than we could ever be.
There are many couples who have amazing sexual oneness because of their attitude about sex, not because of a repertoire of sexual moves.
Change your life? Change your spouse’s life? Change sexual intimacy in your marriage for the better?
Sure, you can do all of that. And you can even try new sexual positions and techniques along the way.
Just remember that it’s the attitude that is life-changing, never the sexual position itself.
Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.