Why People Think Christians Have Boring Sex

boring sexAre Christians boring?

We, of course, wouldn’t say this about ourselves, right?

But the throngs of “non-believers” out there?  What would they say?

They would likely peg us as one big collective judgmental, narrow-minded, un-enlightened mass, right?

Oh, and boring. Definitely boring.

We have no fun, they would claim, because we are forever enslaved to a list of tight rules.

When we do start to have fun, we are quick to rein it in, fearing scrutiny from God and other Christians, not to mention those “outside the fold.”  You know.  Don’t want to “compromise our witness” or “cause someone to stumble.”

I’m sharing a bit in jest, obviously.

I know that each person is an individual, whether they believe in Christ or not. The whole grouping people into masses rarely is fair, whether we are being grouped or doing the grouping.

Even so, there is this perception that Christians are missing out on the real fun. Nowhere does this perception seem to prevail more than when it comes to sex.

“Great Sex” and “Christian Values” are mutually exclusive in marriage, some would contend.  Those two things can’t possibly mingle in the same mindset, let alone the same bed.

Is that the reason many people think married Christians have boring sex?  Is the media or society to blame for perpetuating this message? Sure, that’s maybe part of it.

But do you know what I think the real culprit is?

Married Christians who are having boring sex — or no sex at all.  (I didn’t say all married Christians, so don’t throw me to the wolves if you indeed are having great sex.  And are Christian. And are married.)

I’m just saying that mediocre or non-existent sex should be the rare exception among married Christians.  My email inbox and comment section of my blog and countless conversations I have had, though, tell me otherwise.   Sex is a huge struggle in many Christian marriages.

Yet, ironically, married Christians more than anyone are in the best position to have great sex.  (Best position to have great sex.  See how I worked that in.)

We are intimately connected to the Creator of sex — the One who fashioned it all, rolled it off His heart and hands. We, in theory at least, are more immersed in his Word, the very place that talks about authentic intimacy, sexual and otherwise.

Add to this that when we do encounter struggles in our marriage, we know where to turn for guidance and insight, for He is the purveyor of the truth in all things.

I wonder what would happen if more married Christians not only nurtured intimacy in their marriage, but also were not hesitant to speak positively about the profound effect such intimacy has on their relationship. Oh how I wonder.  Anyone care to join me on that kind of possibility thinking?

I’m not talking about compromising the exclusiveness of sexual intimacy with your spouse by giving away intimate details.  Not at all.

But couldn’t we at least be more intentional about shedding light on the significance of sex in marriage?  In our conversations with other married folks.  In our churches.  In our small groups.  In appropriate settings that are hungry for the truth on this matter of sex.

All of the above is part of the reason that I have spent the better half of a year co-authoring the eBook Pursuit of Passion: Discovering True Intimacy in Your Marriage.

Far be it from me to simply tell someone to have great sex for the sake of having great sex.

I’d rather help people grasp authentic intimacy.  And therein I believe they will find great sex as well.

Copyright 2013, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

10 thoughts on “Why People Think Christians Have Boring Sex

  1. Christine says:

    Hi Julie,

    Will there be any way to purchase the book in a non-kindle format? (Mobi, epub, pdf, etc.?) It would be nice to have an option for those who read on other systems.

  2. JulieSibert says:

    @Christine… right now it is just on Kindle, and will soon be on iBook. I know we won’t have a PDF, but I can check with my co-author on the other formats. Sorry! A few people have asked us about hard copy, and we may print at some time, but eBooks tend to be the way the publishing industry is going. We’ll see!

  3. Larry B of larrysmusings.com says:

    Congratulations Julie on your new book. This topic of fulfilling married sexual intimacy is so important to so many Christian married couples that I am sure your book will be of great benefit to many people. We wish that it will be widely read and discussed.

  4. Lynne says:

    My husband and I have discovered the joy of sex after years of refusal, gate-keeping and his porn use. We are adamant that the message needs to get out there but are not sure the Christians in Australian churches are ready or willing to receive the message! Praise God for bloggers who do post on these topics, as well as the authors and speakers that are putting the message out there!

  5. J (Hot, Holy & Humorous) says:

    How interesting that my iTunes shuffle pulled up Your Body is a Wonderland right just as I was reading this post. (I knew you’d appreciate that, and now I have my husband very much on my mind…;) )

    I think we happily-sexily-married couples need to be willing to speak up about how fabulous God’s design is. We can do that publicly while still keeping our intimate lives private. I’m thrilled that you are a voice in this and even more thrilled about your book release! Your book is yet another way to reach more hurting marriages and shed the light of God’s truth into their darkness.


  6. Vern says:

    I have often felt that we reap what we sow & no matter how hard it is there might be some shred of truth in the criticism. Freedom isn’t in what we think or what we put each other through. Freedom is in truth, it’s Jesus. Jesus came to save us, but we act so afraid to have any fun within that. Like even though He saves us we are not safe. We act like any new ideas or off the wall thoughts are going to shipwreck us. We are using divorce as the test. Will this sexual act make me want to divorce you? If so, we can’t do it. If not, then ok. The one place where sex is allowed without it being a sin, and we come off looking like haters. We are allowed to play! The marriage bed is a huge area to play in! But, we stifle that. Unwilling to be kids in our Dads backyard. Then, we act like nothing is fun. Wonder why?

  7. H says:

    Maybe people think it because it’s true. I waited for marriage and now I’m married and still spending most of my life waiting for the planets to align just so I can have any kind of intimacy at all, let alone good sex.

  8. Sam says:

    I know a lot of Christians are hypocrites and say that they have great sex when they so controlling and judgemental like my mom she would not allowed my dad look on any other lady because she would give him hell and I know hundreds of females who would be controlling them and that control and jealousy would kill any sexual drive that exists

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