authentic, marriage problems, sex, sexual intimacy, Uncategorized
10 Easy Steps to Destroy Your Husband’s Manhood
May
Just for the record, I gave equal air time in the post “How to Destroy Your Wife’s Womanhood in 10 Easy Steps.“
Here’s how you can destroy your husband’s manhood in 10 easy steps…
1. Ignore him sexually (or just go through the motions).
Sex matters. And many husbands are dying on the inside, wishing their wives understood how much it really does matter.
If your husband is like most, he wants a wife who is not only sexually available, but also sexually enthusiastic. If this is a big struggle for you, figure out why. And then do something about it.
2. Desire things that are not realistic purchases with his salary.
It is a tremendous responsibility to be a financial provider for a family. Some guys shoulder this completely alone.
But whether you and your husband both work outside the home — or he is the main breadwinner — strive to be partners in financial responsibility.
Don’t intensify financial instability in your marriage by desiring things that are not realistic for your household income.
If you struggle with this, find a mature sister in Christ to pray with you about getting your heart aligned with God on all things financial.
3. Fake orgasm.
I know you may think that you are helping his ego by faking orgasm, but you are harboring a lie in your marriage bed. That’s bad spiritual mojo, if you ask me.
Be sexually vulnerable with him instead and show him how to sexually please you. Your orgasm matters. God designed it and He wants you to experience it. I’m guessing your husband wants that for you as well, which is why I wrote the post 3 Reasons Your Husband Likes It When You Climax.
4. Consistently run to your family every time you have a marital struggle.
Leave and cleave. If ever there was a key ingredient to marital success, it has to be this. Leave and cleave.
I’m not saying you don’t need safe confidantes when things get rocky. You just don’t need those havens to be your family. It is impossible for them to give you impartial advice.
5. Expect him to be like one of your girlfriends.
He’s a guy. He doesn’t need endless conversation about endless details. Yes, you and your husband need conversation and it serves a vital role to the health of your marriage.
But don’t expect that conversation to look like the camaraderie you have with your gal pals.
6. Immediately say “no” to what are reasonable sexual requests.
Obviously, if he is requesting another woman join the two of you in bed, or that you watch porn with him, or that the two of you take up “swinging” with the neighbors, you definitely need to say “no.” Activities like this compromise the sacredness of marital sexual intimacy.
BUT, if he is desiring sexual variety for which you have no biblical or reasonable justification to deny, then don’t be so quick to say “no.”
Sex in a position other than missionary position? Oral sex? Sex on the couch? A quickie when he comes home for lunch?
My goodness, these are not so far out of bounds that you should be so quick to shut him down.
7. Never thank him for what he contributes to the life you share.
One of the ways my husband shows love is acts of service.
He mows the yard, changes oil in the car, hangs pictures for me, repairs broken stuff and so forth (not to mention works full time and does part-time work on the side). He contributes tremendously to our life.
It would be easy to just take all this for granted. And honestly, I did for awhile.
But I’ve gotten better about thanking him, because I know what a positive impact it has on him to know all his effort is not in vain.
8. Expect him to parent like you parent.
Dads are different than moms. Better at some things, worse at other things; but different nonetheless. Yet, what they offer children is of value.
If your husband is a good dad — even if he parents different than you — stop getting in his way. He’s giving your children something you can’t give them.
9. Become hyper-sensitive to what are normal male behaviors.
Trust me, I completely get that you don’t want him farting and burping at Easter Brunch at your mom’s. But in the same regard, you need to have reasonable expectations of how he behaves in the privacy of his own home.
For the most part, I just think guys are rougher around the edges. But is this really such a monumental thing?
Who cares that he wants to lay around in his old college shirt and sweatpants and watch the ball game. If he wants to eat an entire plate of nachos. At 11 p.m. In his underwear. Is this really cause for alarm? Probably not.
And gals, he will never be able to wrap a present as well as you. If you ask him to wrap the present, be grateful he wrapped it. Don’t re-wrap it.
10. Use his lack of Bible knowledge to your advantage.
This is spiritual righteousness.
It makes your husband feel like crap when you point out that you understand the Bible better than him.
In many marriages, the wife has a better understanding of Scripture, whether it be because she takes more Bible studies, was raised in a stronger Christian home or has been a Christian longer than her husband.
It’s not that having a thorough understanding of God’s Word is bad. It’s actually good. But if you have such a deep understanding, then you likely recognize how much God talks about the character quality of humility.
Your husband possibly already feels inadequate as the spiritual leader in your home. Don’t add to his insecurity. Find ways instead to build him up, including in your private quiet time with the Lord.
Yes, every marriage is different. And I imagine if we brainstormed awhile longer, we could come up with other ways to destroy a husband’s manhood.
But let’s not be those types of wives. Instead, let’s be wives with an authentic responsibility to help our husbands be the men God has called them to be. Let’s be all about building manhood, not destroying it.
Copyright 2013, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.
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I agree with 1, sex is very important to a man s self confidence. I have been married for 35 yrs,. The first 25 were great, but the lack of sex and rejection the last 10 yrs has caused a emotionally detachment for both me and my wife. We are not close anymore we just glorified roommates. Absolutely has destroyed our marriage, The only thing that keeps me around is I love my 4 grand children and their love towards me keeps me going emotionally.
Agree on all. My wife shut me down very frequently during the first 18 months of our marriage, and now I have been “trained” to not desire my own wife. Harsh words, using Bible quotes to show how I am lacking as a husband, constantly negative about everything on our life from the house, to the school to how I interact with the kids to how little I get done on her to do list (I run my own business, so I am very busy at times), rarely tells me I do a good job on anything rather she points out what I haven’t done yet. I could go on, and yet I use plain English and describe how I am feeling, which again she tells me I am wrong to feel that way, that she can’t affect how I feel that it is my flawed character that is the reason why I feel inadequate. I feel hopeless and lost in this marriage. I fought for her for years, and now from the negativity all day almost every day, the lack of a physical and spiritual connection with my wife, I have nothing left to give to her or our marriage. I am in a black fog all the time. Divorce is not an option in her mind at all. I truly can’t stand this much longer, something has to change. I have fantasized about divorcing her, have imagined what life would look like without her, imagined how much less stress and negativity would be in my life, how much better my self-esteem would be, how much more confident I’d feel every day….all truly bad signs for a marriage. I have said to myself out loud in fits of anger how much I hate my life, how much I feel like a failure because I can’t please my wife. I have no motivation to do anything any more.
Wives, if you don’t get the point, you have an ENORMOUS impact on your husbands. If we don’t feel like we are valuable then we feel lost. If we don’t feel desired then we feel lost. If you can’t find anything that we do right, then we are failures in our minds. Imagine if you only praised your husband more often, put him first once in awhile ahead of the kids, and made your selves available once or twice a week to him sexually. He would be on top of the world!!! I would be at least.
This is extremely hurtful and frustrating for wives like myself who would LOVE to have sex more often. I have always had a stronger sex drive than my husband, but we got along tolerably well for the first 10 years or so, then he pretty much stopped wanting sex at all. We have had very little sexual activity for almost 9 years.
We had some major disagreements early in our marriage, and we both did things that were hurtful. I have tried to forgive him for what he did and to seek amends for my part, but he is still angry at me for how I reacted to his behavior back then.
It seems to me that he does not really want to share himself either physically or emotionally. If the slightest thing goes wrong, he either gets uptight and withdrawn, or explodes in anger.
If it were not for my faith, I would have divorced him long ago or had an affair. It is a constant struggle to fight bitterness and despair over this.
And then when I read Christian marriage articles, so many of them are heavily focused on how marriages would be so much better if only women would have sex more often…
Salt in a wound.
@Mac … I am sorry for the pain you have experienced in your marriage. And certainly I am saddened that you feel the point of my post was to cause you more pain. I think, though, that you possibly missed the point of my post, and the reality that it is one of hundreds posts on my site that cover a wide variety of issues relating to sexual intimacy in marriage.
As someone who writes and speaks about sex, I hear about all sorts of situations (good and bad) going on in marriages. Any one post can’t address all those scenarios.
My hope is that you won’t give up on Christian resources and support.
And I am grateful you took the time to comment. Thank you for stopping by.
In our eight years of marriage, I have been on the receiving end of 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, and 7. Not sure about 3. (We aren’t intimate often enough for me to tell.) We have no children (due to previous statement) so no on 8. My “rough edges” have been emotionally beaten into submission so 9 isn’t an issue anymore. Never experienced 10 because she isn’t into Bible study all that much. Not much of a life to look forward to…
To Micheal, I know how you feel and I agree with you, sometimes it’s so hard waiting to hear from your wife (mine) after I e fixed something to hear “good job” or even a thank you , here’s one that I rarely here “your a goodman” there is NO intamacy in our home, I dream and remember when she would sit next to me, just to talk, I have never received a back rub if you back believe that even if I ask, much less sex, but I just wanted to agree with you and to tell miss Julie thank you for this forum, cuz other than this site I wouldn’t have anyone to talk to, I’ve tried n she gets angry, I feel like my soul is drying up and losing life here, well anyway thank you and God Bless
I did all these things. I didn’t mean to. I never mean to hear the words I heard from my husband today – I feel shame. When my marriage went into crisis mode for reasons to long to explain here – both of us disconnected. I thought we were going to work on things together – I embarked a personal journey that I will never regret as far as what i have learned. But just knowing you do things and even reaching a point of understanding why doesn’t fix anything.
I pushed for talks. l pushed to get him to see my side of things – I always took blame for what I did – I didn’t go through what I felt he didn’t do to get us to the point of crisis an still i don’t. BUT I’ve done something far worse! It’s not what I did to get us to that point – we both admit fault for that. it’s what I did trying to get us out of the crisis! i created a bigger crisis!
I didn’t mean to – but I made him feel shame.
Shame that he didn’t fight as hard as I did to save our marriage. Shame that I thought he put his job in front of me and our kids. I feel like he had his job in one hand and his marriage/family in the other. He said he couldn’t leave a job even though at the time he hated it – he couldn’t let his employees or the families down – my shaming came in when i questioned how he could let his OWN family down instead.
He’s asked for a divorce.
For the wives reading this whose marriages are in crisis – DONT do what I did. I couldn’t see how what I was doing in efforts to save my marriage actually pushed him past the point of no return. This is a man that loved me beyond measure and who I loved the same. But I allowed crisis to put me on a crazy cycle of fear and insecurity and I didn’t seek coaching to help me get me right so that i could help us wort together to bring us out of crisis. Maybe it was too late by the time the crisis was brought to light – but I think I had a sliver of time when had I approached it right – it could have been saved!
I still hope but I know the truth and it’s killing me. How does one forgive themselves for ruining something that was once so wonderful. For breaking the man that once thought I hung the moon and I thought the same thing of him. I broke his heart, I was supposed to build him up and i tore him down instead.
I read these articles hoping to find some hope that it’s not done. But when I see articles that say “dont do these things”and I realize either before our crisis came out our after it was out and were trying to fix it – I did them all. My actions are exactly WHAT NOT TO DO! What an idiot I am.
Sara,
You are a fallible human being eligible for prevenient grace. You are not an idiot. Your recognition of your failings shows where you are.
Have you considered printing out what you posted here and going to your husband? But, if you do, be prepared to maintain the effort to change those things you now recognize as problematic.
I have said a prayer for Sara and her unnamed dear husband. God, please let both of them see what you can bring to them.
I agree with all of the ways a wife can destroy her husband. Here are a few that was used on me.
I made in excess of $80,000.00 a year, her daughter’s husbands (married twice) made less than $30,000.00 per year, her comparison was that both of the daughter’s husbands were smarter, and better providers than I was. Another was that she couldn’t understand why any woman would be interested in me. Another was that I was the best father she ever knew, but I abused her and the children. This, in contrast to the fact that there ere zero 911 calls for help in nearly 40 years of marriage, and she NEVER made one accusation against me until I allowed her sister to move in after her husband died. Two weeks before she left, she was telling our family and friends what a good husband I was for taking care of her, and tending to her needs after her surgery. When her sister was displaying her private parts to me almost daily, and I informed my wife every time it happened, she had no response. She also had nothing to say when she was present to see her sister try to bait me with violence, and threats to shoot me, and then start screaming coward at me repeatedly. Her attempt to send me to jail (I have no police record) didn’t work. If I was so foolish, there would have been a 911 call, and I would be homeless and still paying the mortgage. The laugh is they are both devout Christians.
My wife had affairs for twelve of our twenty one years of marriage. Its been five months and if i need time alone she accuses me of torturing her, says i am just punishing her. The manipulation gets tiring and I have become weary. I no longer value my marriage or my life.
I’ve been married 14 years now and with everything I see around me, my wife shows every sign of narcissism.
Having come from a previous marriage to a woman with Bi Polar, I just plainly give up. Women are generally messed up selfish children. Apologies to the handful that are not.
If I can get out of this without ending in jail, women can kiss my proverbial from here on.
45 years old, I have given up every interest and pursuit in life. I have no goals, no friends, and it appears no God, I can’t even face my faith anymore. The depression has me completely immobilized. Damned if I do damned if I don’t.
Keep Marriage Vows and wish for death every day or break them and maybe find my faith again.
Waking every morning with resentment that God didn’t pop me off yet again.
5 years ago I agreed (reluctantly) for my wife to have “the sleeve”. Things weren’t perfect before that of course but this has simply been the worst decision we ever made.
She has been in and out of hospital over the last 5 years with malnutrition, which has affected her mentally, also less than 24 hours from death due to codine abuse.
Zero support from Dr’s, or associated staff or organisations or family.
She refuses to listen to me about NOT trusting Dr’s anymore since I have been hitting the medical books for the last 5 years to solve her issues caused by the sleeve.
Conclussion 95% Dr’s are indoctrinated not educated.
Everything has come to a head.
She has been driving around incurring endless driving offenses resulting in me losing my license till I can sort out this mess thus making getting to and from work a huge time waster of 3-5 hours a day. (Car registered in my name.)
My kids have told me she has fallen asleep at traffic lights, and swerves over the road.
But being “woman” the whole system refuses to deal with it.
She breaks her phones or looses them and expects to “share” my phone (aka own my phone then wrecks that so no calls can come in or out).
She controls our finances through creative debt generation.
Our family suffers with ongoing debt whilst I earn very good money (over $100,000), yet own no house, just renting, no vacations, no money except for her family’s birthdays, Christmas, but its all done in the nicest way.
I can’t get out because she seems to know when I am saving, she will overspend elsewhere rendering my savings moribund.
This has occurred several times now.
Just had to take over the electricity bills cause what should be automatically coming out of her Government Family Tax Benefit (I live in Australia) wasn’t and so now we have a $6000 power bill.
She hides mail, resulting in huge penalties from unpaid bills and fines.
She falls asleep at 6pm rising at 2 – 3am which keeps waking me. She hides in our room watching TV or listening to the same music over and over, leaving the kids and me to ourselves.
Sex is when she wants it. It’s boring (but boring is better than none) and I have had numerous discussions with her regarding male sexuality and 2 years ago our sex life skyrocketed but it only lasted for 3 months or so.
I now refuse to come to the party at this point when she wants it.
She is well aware she is not meeting my needs though I come home from work, help round the home and with the kids, but now the kids are of the age they know exactly what’s going on.
They are angry, my son says he’s going MGTOW (Men Going their own way), my daughter is sick of never going anywhere every weekend.
They are resentful having had birthday money “borrowed” from her and I even caught her out that she hocked the kids Playstation 4 and games and numerous other stuff.
This is utter imprisonment and slavery.
It’s meets all the hallmarks of all abuses except physical abuse. I think she’s waiting for me to commit that one cause that’s a win for her regarding the bias’ of the law.
She’s like a child with a loaded machine gun but she “loves me and the kids”.
Sleeping with the enemy in a concentration camp
But as my son was taught at his Christian school last year, only women and girls are abused by men.
hi i been marred for 21 years my wife has stop having sex say she just does not want it i ask her what am i to do i will not go to other women she ask god to stop having sex i know there is no one but me i need help
I was married to frigate woman for 8 years then she left me. I felt more passion from a one-night stand and I adored the way the other women made me feel (wanted) and I didn’t want her to come back. She had to much pride to ask me and I never asked her. Finally I feel good about myself.
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Thank you Julie!
“Keep him from falling—
Embrace your sexual calling”
one thing is this would never work on me and i know the word of God really really well and i would have a girlfriend before the wife could say abc.
My wife and I have been married over 37 years. When I first saw her I was struck Hard. I was 21 and had just started working with our church High School group and she was a senior set to graduate in a couple of months. We dated for a while and when she said she would marry me I was struck hard again. WOW ! We were married and very happy. We had two children and I said I would rather she stay home and be there for our kids. After our second child things switched almost overnight. Her family started with hateful, humiliating, degrading comments. Then she would join in. I then had to prove myself to her, prove I was worthy of her attention, prove that I had worked hard enough for sex with her. And for years I did it. Then I would hug her and she would cross her arms in front of like an x. I would get in bed, put my arm around her and she would cross her arms and cross her legs and after a minute tell me to stop. This went on for many years. Even after our kids married and moved out. I went into to living room late one evening and begged God to take it away. Take any desire I have for my wife away, literally “kill my heart”. KILL it. Make it cold. So here we are years later, she is very happy to be left alone and I am now an alcoholic. I use it to dull anything left over.