authentic, body image, intimacy, marriage problems, passion, sex, sexual intimacy, sexual intimacy struggles, sexual struggles, Uncategorized
3 Reasons Sex is GREAT As I Grow Old(er)
Oct
My Beloved and I went to a wedding recently, and at the reception we sat with two couples we know, who are about our same age.
A younger couple then joined our table.
And by younger, I mean young enough to be our children.
That’s always a humbling experience… to sit with adults who you could have given birth to.
And they were married nonetheless! (I found myself thinking, “How can someone who was born in 1990 be so grown up?!)
Chuckling aside, after I reflected on the evening later, I felt grateful that I have been “grown up” for a couple of decades rather than just a couple of years.
A friend and I were talking about this recently and all that we appreciate about being in our 40s — like having better discernment, making quicker decisions and really being able to sift out the major issues from the minor ones. I would have loved to have done my 20s with the wisdom of my 40s. Seriously!
And what about sex as you get older?
Some would say that sex is a young person’s game… meant for those 20-something newlyweds. They are kidless, their kitchen cabinets aren’t stocked with 5-Hour Energy (what would be the point?!), and they have the flexibility and body mass index of an Olympic gymnast.
Sure, maybe they are having some hot sex (I hope so!). At any rate, though, I’ve come to realize the youngsters do not have the corner on it. There is pa-lenty of potential for tremendous sex as the years go by.
Could sex be just as good — dare I say, better — as we get old(er)? I’m going to vote with a definite “YES” on that one!
And honestly, I think I’ll be saying the same thing when my husband and I are in our 50s, 60s and beyond. That’s my attitude and approach at least.
Here are 3 reasons sex is really quite remarkable now that I’m a little older:
1. The clitoris is no longer a mystery object no one in the room can figure out.
(Well, the only people in the room are me and my husband, but suffice to say…we’ve got that thing figured out). Enough trial and error… enough willingness to teach and be taught… and ample appreciation for my own sexual pleasure has brought me to a place of complete awe for the wonder of the orgasm.
It’s like being offered a top shelf margarita or martini and being able to say, “Yes, I will have another. In fact, give me a couple… I hardly think one will be enough.”
2. I’m comfortable in my own sexual skin.
Okay, would I occasionally like my pre-baby abs or my youthful wrinkle-free face? Sure. But I’m not going to let body image be the barometer on if sex in my marriage bed is going to happen, let alone be good!
When I as a wife can embrace this, then sexual confidence truly finds its place.
A lot of my sexual confidence has come with age. I also can quickly discern if distractions and mixed-up priorities are robbing us of the opportunity to make love as often as we both would like.
For more insightful reading, see Secrets to Stopping the Body Image War and Modesty is Destroying Your Sexual Intimacy.
3. I better understand what makes sex so profoundly bonding.
I’m not talking about foreplay or the power of touch or variety in our sexual intimacy (although, all very nice I must admit). Nope. What makes sex so incredible is the sheer amount of safety in authentic love and commitment.
With each passing year, I more clearly see what it means to feel completely safe with this man. And there is something really sexually freeing about that.
If you are older (or if you are young and wondering what sex will be like when you are older), does anything in this post strike a chord with you?
I’m not discounting that aging can have some health challenges and changes that affect sexual intimacy.
I’m simply asking, “As a body of Christ, have we been too quick to buy into this idea that growing older automatically translates into a decline or disappearance of sex in marriage?”
Think about the sexual ground that has been lost in marriages because we lament about the toll of time, instead of celebrate the raw passion of uninhibited sex.
As for me and my marriage? Well, I’m giddy with delight to think about what we might be doing sexually years from now.
Yeah, I know. Too much information, right? Hehe!
Copyright 2012, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.
Well, well, I couldn’t say it better 🙂 Half an hour till noon and I still find five minutes to read your blog and write a short comment before attacking the piles in the kitchen… Hubby still in bed catching up with work on his laptop. Imagine where he brought me, and my vocal chords, for the past 3 hours or so. We cuddled, we took a nap or two, but most of all we had sex! And I won’t enter here into much detail.
The 40s are the new 20s and I pray for the 50s to be the new 40s !
Good article,good sex and good aging (63&65 and counting) 1
Amen. I am finding this to be very true, and I am past the 40s! One of the significant lies of our culture is that great sex is for those who are young and unmarried.
Also, a tip for those who want to maintain a great sex life into their 40s, 50s and beyond – take good care of your health! Exercise regularly, eat well and maintain a healthy body weight. The chronic diseases that affect so many Americans – diabetes, hypertension, heart disease, etc. – can affect your libido and ability to engage in sexual activity. If you avoid these diseases, you greatly increase your chances of enjoying a wonderful sex life for many, many years.
Right. The only thing I have looking forward to as I get old is that I won’t need viagra or Celis. Its not that I don’t have ED (I don’t), its that I hardly get to have sex at all so it really won’t matter.
I can attest to the fact that it gets better with age. Now in our 70s it is much more thrilling and fulfilling than ever.
I’ve had the chance to talk to men in their 60’s and 70’s who say they are having the best sex of their lives. I’ve read the same from other men and women.
Apparently the best is yet to be even in the bedroom!
I’m 59, hubby is 67 and after his heart attack 2 years ago, things slowed down tremendously in the bedroom. I recently decided to research options and discovered a ton of things on the internet that address sex after 50 or 60. I was amazed! Sex has been better for us lately than ever before. Only wish I had had these resources 20 or 30 years ago!
Loved it! #1 was hilarious…and true. Having sex when you’re older is also like singing harmony together or playing doubles tennis for a long time: You start to know each others’ moves and anticipate each others’ needs more. After many years of quality practice, you’ve got your basic game down and can even try a few new things out.
I also hear from much senior couples who are having a wonderful time in the bedroom. That’s so encouraging!
” I would have loved to have done my 20s with the wisdom of my 40s. Seriously!”
That sums up my thinking lately! I’m 43 my husband is 54. Man, what I wouldn’t give to go back and live and love on my man and my family then, with the heart, attitude and mind that I have now! I have often thought the perfect way to leave this world would be for my 100 year old husband and my 89 year old self to have a mind blowing romp in the sheets and just fade on out and open our eyes in Heaven with our Lord. 🙂 What a way to go!
I completely agree! My husband and I will celebrate our 10th anniversary this December, and we are amazed at how sex just keeps getting better and better (and giddy with excitement over the knowledge that we still have the rest of our lives to continue perfecting our game)!
The only problem with sex for seniors is that health problems can get in the way of intimacy. We had the most mind blowing sex of our entire lives 23 nights ago and then health issues have forced abstinence ever since. We have promised each other that this will end tonight!
I am well past 50 as is my wife. I have to agree the quality of sex is better than ever. I also have to agree with D and Gaye: Take care of your health. It will affect your sex life as you age. Another aspect of that not often mentioned is strength, agility, balance, flexibility and stamina. There are things you will only be able to do when you are very much younger. If you are younger and reading this, if you are at all inclined toward sexual gymnastics or athletically challenging positions, do them now and do them often. Time will rob you of the opportunity if not the desire. An issue that will also affect vigorous interactions for men is, to be very blunt, adequate and sustaining rigidity. Sometimes firm is just not adequate for a particular position or technique. Some may consider this TMI, but I can tell you I wish, like Tammy, someone had told me this was very likely in my future. Like much in life, you come to regret more what you didn’t do than what you didn’t at least try. Feel free to edit or rewrite if this is too graphic for this site.
It did not work out quite as we planned. We had to wait a bit longer but we did it the last two mornings. It’s great to be retired we can take our time and it was well worth the wait.
So much enjoyed and agree with your 3 reasons Julie why sex is great as I grow old,..or older ! being in my very early 50’s i can at least tell you younger women,and men that yes,..sex only gets better as you grow older. I really do believe that not only the reasons you gave Julie,but don’t you think that the older you get,…the less stress you have..?…now I know,it’s not that way for everyone,…there’s always the money thing to worry about if nothing else,..lets face it,though..from the standpoint of a woman in her early 50’s ,..the kids are gone from home,on their own,retirement is just around the corner,…life in general is moving along at a much less hectic pace than in earlier years of our marriage. Most of all,..there’s more time to spend with each other than ever before and what better thing to do in passing the time,…than,…. make love !
Judy
Excellent! And speaking from my 51 years, you are right!
I was once talking (complaining?) to my mentor about how my husband had no clue how to pick out “intimate apparell” for me. Seriously, the man likes “granny panties” and volumous “house coats.” Her response was that her husband should take my husband shopping because “you should see the stuff he picks out!” That was said with a smile and a wink that gave me the impression that he might have brought something home recently.
He had just turned EIGHTY.
Saddly he died (on his treadmill) less than a week later, so he never got a chance to take my husband shopping.