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So, anyway, I was cruising through my email in-box the other day, mindlessly deleting all the spam for penis enlargement pills, when it occurred to me that this obsession with penis size is just plain ridiculous.
Sure, there is a lot we need to know about the penis, but making it bigger is definitely not one of those things.
Sadly, ads for penis enlargement are perpetuated endlessly, despite common sense rationale that such ads aren’t going to lead to anything — except an empty wallet.
Yes, on that end of the spectrum, we are inundated with ludicrous sexual claims through spammy emails.
On the other end of the spectrum, though, is something more damaging — many wives know very little about their husband’s penis (and have no desire to learn more).
Woman to woman, I acknowledge that many of you reading this are just plain grossed out by the penis. And it’s probably not just the male genitals, but the genital region in general — male and female — with which you are not overly enthralled.
Obviously, having a positive perspective about the genitals can be a particular challenge for Christians, as we hold modesty in high regard. I, like many Christians, do not take modesty lightly. It pains me greatly that our landscape (Christian and secular) is scattered with scantily dressed young people, who (despite the best efforts of many of their mothers) succumb to the latest risqué styles because so little else is available.
I also am not thrilled that sexual promiscuity has become so mainstream that it is increasingly difficult to discern what authentic sexual intimacy even is (let alone how to experience it within our marriage bed).
Add to this the pervasiveness of pornographic images in our society, and it is no wonder that the beauty of sex, including the genitals, has become tainted. When it comes to the penis, I get why we have hang ups.
Even our earliest Christian conclusions compel us to associate the genitals themselves with sin and filth (Adam and Eve were naked in the garden. They sinned. They covered up their nakedness. Thus what was previously exposed — the genitals — must have been bad). This is skewed rationale, of course, but one can see some of the roots of our struggle with viewing the genitals positively.
While we certainly need to maintain high standards of modesty when carrying ourselves publicly and in the company of other people, be careful what you sacrifice on the altar of modesty.
Modesty really needs to take a backseat when exploring sexual intimacy in the exclusivity of our marriage. Not easy, I know. It’s that whole “flip the switch” thing.
As women, the “flip the switch” is a huge barrier. In public, we strive to refrain from wearing sexually revealing clothing, casually participating in sexual banter, or being flirtatious.
But then behind our closed bedroom door, we are free to embrace sexual confidence. It is when we make love with our husbands that we are free not only to thoroughly enjoy sex, but also to enjoy pleasuring the man we married. Truth is, this switch is not getting flipped in a lot of marriages.
Instead, the modesty and reservation we walk during the day wreaks havoc beneath our sheets at night.
While we can’t solve all of those dynamics in one blog post, I do think you can start to right the ship by becoming a lot more comfortable with your husband’s penis.
I am guessing that you probably have it down to a science as to what you need to do during intercourse to get it over with quickly. Touch him here. Do this with my hands. Kiss him this way. Allow him to enter me. Allow him to do all the work. He climaxes. Done. Same routine. Every. Single. Time. And because he climaxed, we think each and every time is stellar for him. Sure, you probably won’t find him complaining.
Possibly, though, he would like sexual encounters where you are really present — and willing to explore a full body experience.
Pay attention to his entire body. Allow him the privilege to arouse you. Show him you want to be there. As a result, what he then experiences in his penis will be intensified. To read a fabulous post on being intentional in pursuing your husband, see Lori Byerly’s post “What Husbands Want: Love Me, Love My Sexuality.”
I know, I am getting really blunt here (trust me, your husband will appreciate it). While I hesitate to stereotype, I think it is fair to say that many husbands find it particularly arousing to have firm steady motion along the shaft of their penis, including directly under the head of the penis. This can be accomplished orally and with your hand, and to a degree by tightening your pc muscles when he is thrusting (These are the muscles you would tighten to stop your urine flow. That’s how you locate them, and you can do Kegel exercises to strengthen them. Tightening them during sex can be pleasing to him and to you).
You may also try light touch along his penis (with your breasts, the silky feel of lingerie, your fingernails, etc.). And do not neglect his testicles, which are sensitive and a key arousal zone.
Want to figure out how he likes his penis touched? Experiment with different techniques. Touch him. Ask him what he prefers. My guess is he will be more than happy to tell you and show you.
As much as we like to believe that men are “ready to go, no matter what,” the truth is that many different things can affect a husband’s ability to get and maintain an erection (this can become increasingly true as he ages).
Of course, every man is unique, but if he is struggling with getting an erection, it could be because of stress, the effects of some medical conditions or medications, tiredness, etc.
Look past your initial tendency to feel offended and instead engage him in a conversation.
You are his wife. The more you can assure him that you are a safe person, the more likely he will open up.
And definitely encourage him to visit his doctor, not only to rule out more serious conditions, but also to explore possible solutions.
God designed our entire bodies. It is all His handiwork, from the tip of your head to the bottom of your feet. He lovingly calls us out of a place of shame and into His truth.
And His truth is that the genitals are good, meant for amazing gifts within marriage. Occasionally, the gift shows up as a baby. More often than not, though, the gift shows up as indescribable oneness, wrapped in intense sexual pleasure.
When you get to know your husband’s penis, you don’t just honor your marriage. You honor God.
Copyright 2011, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.