3 Things You Should Know About Your Husband’s Penis

So, anyway, I was cruising through my email in-box the other day, mindlessly deleting all the spam for penis enlargement pills, when it occurred to me that this obsession with penis size is just plain ridiculous.

Sure, there is a lot we need to know about the penis, but making it bigger is definitely not one of those things.

Sadly, ads for penis enlargement are perpetuated endlessly, despite common sense rationale that such ads aren’t going to lead to anything — except an empty wallet.

Yes, on that end of the spectrum, we are inundated with ludicrous sexual claims through spammy emails.

On the other end of the spectrum, though, is something more damaging — many wives know very little about their husband’s penis (and have no desire to learn more).

Woman to woman, I acknowledge that many of you reading this are just plain grossed out by the penis.  And it’s probably not just the male genitals, but the genital region in general — male and female — with which you are not overly enthralled.

Obviously, having a positive perspective about the genitals can be a particular challenge for Christians, as we hold modesty in high regard.  I, like many Christians, do not take modesty lightly.  It pains me greatly that our landscape (Christian and secular) is scattered with scantily dressed young people, who (despite the best efforts of many of their mothers) succumb to the latest risqué styles because so little else is available.

I also am not thrilled that sexual promiscuity has become so mainstream that it is increasingly difficult to discern what authentic sexual intimacy even is (let alone how to experience it within our marriage bed).

Add to this the pervasiveness of pornographic images in our society, and it is no wonder that the beauty of sex, including the genitals, has become tainted. When it comes to the penis, I get why we have hang ups.

Even our earliest Christian conclusions compel us to associate the genitals themselves with sin and filth (Adam and Eve were naked in the garden. They sinned. They covered up their nakedness. Thus what was previously exposed — the genitals — must have been bad).  This is skewed rationale, of course, but one can see some of the roots of our struggle with viewing the genitals positively.

While we certainly need to maintain high standards of modesty when carrying ourselves publicly and in the company of other people, be careful what you sacrifice on the altar of modesty.

Modesty really needs to take a backseat when exploring sexual intimacy in the exclusivity of our marriage. Not easy, I know.  It’s that whole “flip the switch” thing.

As women, the “flip the switch” is a huge barrier. In public, we strive to refrain from wearing sexually revealing clothing, casually participating in sexual banter, or being flirtatious.

But then behind our closed bedroom door, we are free to embrace sexual confidence. It is when we make love with our husbands that we are free not only to thoroughly enjoy sex, but also to enjoy pleasuring the man we married.  Truth is, this switch is not getting flipped in a lot of marriages.

Instead, the modesty and reservation we walk during the day wreaks havoc beneath our sheets at night.

While we can’t solve all of those dynamics in one blog post, I do think you can start to right the ship by becoming a lot more comfortable with your husband’s penis.

Here are three things you should know about your husband’s penis:

1. All sexual encounters are not created equal.

I am guessing that you probably have it down to a science as to what you need to do during intercourse to get it over with quickly. Touch him here. Do this with my hands. Kiss him this way. Allow him to enter me. Allow him to do all the work. He climaxes. Done. Same routine. Every. Single. Time. And because he climaxed, we think each and every time is stellar for him.  Sure, you probably won’t find him complaining.

Possibly, though, he would like sexual encounters where you are really present — and willing to explore a full body experience.

Pay attention to his entire body. Allow him the privilege to arouse you. Show him you want to be there. As a result, what he then experiences in his penis will be intensified. To read a fabulous post on being intentional in pursuing your husband, see Lori Byerly’s post “What Husbands Want: Love Me, Love My Sexuality.”

2.  There are numerous ways to touch his penis and testicles.

I know, I am getting really blunt here (trust me, your husband will appreciate it).  While I hesitate to stereotype, I think it is fair to say that many husbands find it particularly arousing to have firm steady motion along the shaft of their penis, including directly under the head of the penis. This can be accomplished orally and with your hand, and to a degree by tightening your  pc muscles when he is thrusting (These are the muscles you would tighten to stop your urine flow. That’s how you locate them, and you can do Kegel exercises to strengthen them. Tightening them during sex can be pleasing to him and to you).

You may also try light touch along his penis (with your breasts, the silky feel of lingerie, your fingernails, etc.). And do not neglect his testicles, which are sensitive and a key arousal zone.

Want to figure out how he likes his penis touched? Experiment with different techniques. Touch him. Ask him what he prefers. My guess is he will be more than happy to tell you and show you.

3. If he has trouble getting an erection, it doesn’t mean he isn’t attracted to you.

As much as we like to believe that men are “ready to go, no matter what,” the truth is that many different things can affect a husband’s ability to get and maintain an erection (this can become increasingly true as he ages).

Of course, every man is unique, but if he is struggling with getting an erection, it could be because of stress, the effects of some medical conditions or medications, tiredness, etc.

Look past your initial tendency to feel offended and instead engage him in a conversation.

You are his wife.  The more you can assure him that you are a safe person, the more likely he will open up.

And definitely encourage him to visit his doctor, not only to rule out more serious conditions, but also to explore possible solutions.

God designed our entire bodies. It is all His handiwork, from the tip of your head to the bottom of your feet.  He lovingly calls us out of a place of shame and into His truth.

And His truth is that the genitals are good, meant for amazing gifts within marriage.  Occasionally, the gift shows up as a baby.  More often than not, though, the gift shows up as indescribable oneness, wrapped in intense sexual pleasure.

When you get to know your husband’s penis, you don’t just honor your marriage. You honor God.

Copyright 2011, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.

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95 thoughts on “3 Things You Should Know About Your Husband’s Penis

  1. Km says:

    I have a question. My husband and I have been married for about 5 years and now have 2 children. I have no problem trying to please him and trying new things. I would also prefer to have more sex. I was sexually molested when I was young. He gets frusterated because I am sensitive sometimes if he comes on too strong. For example: he grabs my genitals during the day when passing through the kitchen and sometimes in front of our young children. Or just grabbing my breasts without even kissing me. Almost always doing these things without kissing. Also sex usually begins without kissing or any warm up. I feel violated and disgusted. Is this normal? Am I overreacting?

    I bring it up and he thinks I am being too sensitive.

  2. MyDingDongSaysUrWrong says:

    As a man and husband, I must strongly disagree with the part about engaging him in conversation. Especially when stress, worries or tiredness prevent our penises from functioning like machinery where there’s simply a switch to be flipped! Us men are human beings with feelings, moods and emotions… believe it or not. And our masculine way of dealing with these feelings is often NOT to strike up a conversation about it! Especially in a moment like THAT where stressful thoughts are already all too distracting and present on our minds to the point that our penis is temporarily out-performed by our problem solving techniques. It is perfectly NORMAL as a healthy man not to have a rock hard throbbing erection every time we take off our pants or lay eyes on our spouse! And that’s not because we’re poor multi-taskers either, ladies. The last thing I want in times like that is to over-analyze the situation and hash it out with exhausting, endless explanations and reassuring counseling conversations. THAT’s definitely not gonna get me to “open up” or make my dick hard! But a nice quiet, relaxing, stress relieving back and/or butt massage might! Even better if it includes tickling my balls and scrotum. So try to be sensitive and observant enough to consider that the next time your man doesn’t pop an instant boner at the sight of you. Something else to know about your man and his penis! I resent uninformed write-ups like this that make women look like they don’t have a clue!

  3. Shanna says:

    I think that it has a lot to do with the man if a man is hard to please after you have done every thing for them and they still complain who want to continue doing things to please them. Another thing I think a lot of woman know if they start a particular thing for a man that we will constantly be looking for it. Just like the man woman have needs too it’s not like we are ready to just jump into bed without being showed some attention to get us in the mood most women are tired from dealing with children they have jobs and mental stress as well. So therefore it’s atwo way street a marriage has to be on the same page there must be respect between the two. The time must be right the mood has to be right also!!!!!

  4. Mantis says:

    How do I get my wife to turn on her switch more often then just every 10 years? In 1995 and 1996 my wife and I had a lot of sex together. We were having the kind of sex that Aloha above recommended, but after 1996, her switch turned off, but then all of a sudden it turned back on again in 2005-2006 and then again turned off after that time. I’ve tried everything to get her switch to turn back on, but without any success. I have no idea how I turned her switch on the previous times. Why every ten years?

    To make matters worse, we now have less of a chance to have sex because we are living apart from each other now. We are not separated. It was just the way it worked out. In 2014, we sold our house to buy a retirement home early because I was unemployed at the time and we both knew that we needed to buy a house that didn’t have a mortgage. It was a deal that we couldn’t pass up. We bought a house in a town where we planned to retire, where her first cousins reside and close to where my daughter is going to school. Unfortunately for me, I can’t find work there so I’ve had to stay close to where we use to live to find employment (360 miles away). I only get to visit about 2 weekends per month.

    Life really sucks for Christians these days. Not only do we have less sex, but I can’t even live with my family everyday. I am going to have to wait until I retire (6 years from now) just to be with my wife again.

  5. Mary N says:

    Being 55 and married 30 years I can understand why flipping the switch is important. But its not every thing life has to offer. What hurts sometimes builds character loving unconditionally is best. Better days are coming that’s our motto. And it has for us but not without any pian times.

  6. MJ says:

    Old post, only a bit related to my problem, but got to ask somebody so here goes.

    Hubby’s libido has always been off and on. Never know if we will have sex four nights in a row or go a week or more without.

    Mostly because he has left me no room to initiate! He hates having his penis touched, tolerates oral if I let him take over and choke me, and rarely likes a lingering kiss. Everything seems to be okay if it’s his idea. Mine? Not so much. Cannot be seduced.Doesn’t respond to lingerie or any attempts to keep myself attractive unless he is in the mood to pleasure me. Don’t get me wrong. It is darn nice when he wants to touch me. He is generous-a bit rough-but generous, but, tired of getting brushed off when I try to start or reciprocate. I have even tried just being blunt, getting him to talk, but he will have none of it. Says most women wouldn’t complain. He doesn’t get that this has me feeling like I am just a convenient body, that I have no skills to pleasure him, and that I have nothing to give besides the right parts. Guess I have no great question here but just had to get this out. So frustrated and feel really alone in this weird problem.

  7. Larry B says:

    @ MJ:

    Your comment, among others on this blog, indicates that there is a serious need for some husbands to improve or adjust their mindset and attitude as regards sex within their marriage. A husband ought not respond negatively when his wife initiates or tries to initiate lovemaking. A refusing spouse, husband or wife, is wrong to refuse.

    As a husband of many years, this attitude baffles me. Husbands, too, need to take their marriage vows seriously. Getting such a husband to admit that there is a problem with his mindset may be the biggest challenge.

  8. TR says:

    A couple’s healthy relationship starts with a healthy relationship with God. If we rely on Him for our salvation, value, meaning, satisfaction, joy, etc, then we, empowered by the Holy Spirit, can selflessly love our spouses in all areas of life.

    A marriage is an earthly representation of Christ’s perfect love, sacrifice, and union with the church. Sex, in it’s rightful place, is the physical representation of a man and woman being one flesh. If there is unrepented sin, division, or dissention in the relationship, then it makes sense that sex, the ultimate symbol of unity, would be awkward, uncomfortable, and/or painful.

    God loved us first so that we in turn can love Him and love each other which results in more glory to God.

    Concerning sex itself there is a commonly neglected hot spot: nipples. Many men have sensitive nipples and will respond positively to stimulation by gentle flicking from the tongue, tender tweaking between the fingers, or lightly but quickly stroking the tips. Try both nipples at once. This is effective as a part of foreplay and arousal as well as upping intensity during the throws of intercourse.

  9. uxorious says:

    I think the church has ended up churning out more hypocrites than saints with its sex-is-sin teachings. The younger christian generation is seeking knowledge from other sources. We teach them sex is taboo, evil, sinful and ugly. They imbibe these teachings, and gradually learn to shut off all of their sexual feelings. Then all of a sudden, we feel they are old enough for marriage, we begin to tell them sex is beautiful and created by God to be enjoyed. and then we begin to wonder why the young men would detest and beat their wives, why some of them would refuse to marry, etc. Imagine a young christian man who had never seen a naked woman before being confronted with the terror of it all on his wedding night. picture their embarrassment especially when there has been no theoretical teaching on sex at all. marriage revolves around sex. I believe we can lecture the younger ones on sex without losing them to fornication. It’s high time the church woke up.

  10. Christian Husband of 38 yrs says:

    Julie:

    With regard to your 3rd item: Yes, as we guys get older, quite a few of us do have increasing troubles with getting and keeping an erection. It most assuredly DOES NOT have anything to do with how we feel toward our wives. It DOES have everything to do with aging and increasingly out-of-shape bodies, and with declining testosterone levels. Women have menopause, we have this.

    There are little pills of course, incessantly advertised, that help most men most of the time, but even these are not 100% effective 100% of the time for 100% of men. Eating right, exercising vigorously, and getting the weight down often helps – that should be a great motivator! Somewhat surprisingly, one partial cure for these sexual difficulties is to have more sex, as that does apparently stimulate the production of testosterone.

    One thing is essential, though: wives need to be very understanding, sympathetic, patient, and loving toward their husbands, and both of them have to be open-minded enough to try different things. In particular, when the guy just can’t manage to do what he has to do to perform for intercourse, then it is time to switch to what I and some others have delicately referred to as “outercourse”. The couple can still enjoy close intimacy, and they can both still share the joy of giving each other intensely pleasurable orgasms. It is important that they do so, because this will stimulate the husband’s testosterone levels, “keep him in the game” for continuing sexual activity over the long term, and may even help increase your odds that the next time intercourse will be possible.

  11. Kate says:

    Ladies dont over think it. If hes having a hard time getting an erection go down a little list in your head. Is he tired? Is he hungry? Is he stressed? Is he not in the mood? If he is tires plan for morning sex. That night, feed him, shower together and then rub him down till he falls asleep. That morning im sure their will be some intimacy. Also ladies dont be selfish ans strictly lay on your back the whole time. My husband works more hours than I do and takes care of ….well everything honestly show him appreciation. Ride him. Its not hard to get an orgasim on top. Make sure your clit is rubbing against him when you ride. Lean forward just a little to achieve that. Then go to town. I gurantee a happy husband!! Keep this in mind also for when menopause shows its ugly head. You need a solid sexual foundation so when age hits your love life will still flourish!

  12. Kate says:

    On the subject of oral sex on your husband or wife. Heck yes its ok. It depends on the couple. My husband and I are Christian and at first he was really unsure about it.. Until. Just let it happen naturally. Ladies dont demand it because once he gets frisky enough to do it at his own will. He wont stop. Also men dont force it on your lady. Just let her get to the point she wants to satisfy you on a whole new level!

  13. Shy says:

    Shy
    I’ve been married for one month on sat ! And don’t know how to make the first move to approche my husband. If don’t approche me we will not be intimate, he the very first first one that I have learned of my body doing things that I have never experienced before in sex! This all new because before I done sex just to please the man I was with. And know I want to because it is a great enjoyment with my husband. I would love not to wait for him to make the first, but for me to make the first move to let him know I need him and enjoy him each and every time.

    Help me to stop being scared to touch
    The man that I am in love with and its real I haven’t experience this before him. My life has been changed and I would like my love life for me with my husband to change for the better as well
    Signed
    Need great help to anssate intimacy with my husband
    Shy & scary

  14. melissa Gomez says:

    God blessed me with wonderful husband has pretty nice penis very blessed thank you god for being kind to me

  15. prudence says:

    prudence
    i have a husband one year in our marriage, i m irritated such that you can spend the the night while doing the same if you fail to admit to his needs, he says u have another man so iritating such that i want to go on leave help me pliz

  16. Glo says:

    @Shy
    I know how you feel. I was in a relationship where I had sex to try and make the guy happy.
    Then I met my husband, thank God for him!! He is wonderful, patient, kind and I love him! I never felt this way about the other guy so I know now what real love is. We have been married for five years now, happily! I guess I didn’t have a problem making the first move with my husband. But he had a previous very unhappy marriage and had sworn off women, then God sort of dropped us in each other’s paths. He didn’t know what real love was either, so we did everything together and still do as much as possible.
    Anyway , back to you. If you can, try talking to your husband about it. Tell him how you feel about him, that you enjoy being intimate with him but your not sure how to make the first move. If your not comfortable talking about it to his face then write him a letter(I find that easier myself, for some reason I can say more on paper). And practice touching him through the day. If he’s sitting at the table and you walk by, caress him across the shoulders as you pass. If he’s on the sofa and your next to him lay your hand on his thigh or hold his hand and give him a peck on the cheek. Send him to work with a long kiss goodbye and meet him at the door with another one when he comes home. Just little things to let him know you enjoy having him in your life and on the other side try talking to him about your desires as well so he can know how to care for you. Making love is so much more than sex, it encompasses all the little touches, the winks, the mutual respect and fondness that you have for each other all day long.
    I hope this helps and wishing you a very blessed marriage.

    Glo

  17. Al says:

    My wife is very different I had sufering to maintain erection not all the time , she is very Christian but I get so confuse with her, today she want sex lights off get on top and get over, other times she goes wild wear lingerie will record her self and send me videos of her touching her self, or get very erotic and as man you like that wild side then she turn off the switch and become so religious, and if I suggest something she thinks I’m a pervert , she takes a shower with door lock , it’s just wierd then I secretly install a nanny cam I cought her see in her cell phone and masturbate I check her phone history and find on cookies not delete porn, then she switch her switch again , then become very sexy dress very nice , get wild again ask for something to get done to her , and I do but when I want to do it again , her respond is you think I’m a sex object or prostitute , our sex live is crazy today is a nice Cristian wife come from church and want have sex on dining table , tomorrow don’t touch me, I’m going crazy trying to figure why she is like that , I didn’t tell her I got a nanny cam on her, and I know what she does sometimes along I ask her tell me what you like teach me how to masturbate you how to touch you , and she respond no I don’t touch my self what your talking about that’s not a behavior of a Cristian women and inside me I’m like really I have been close to show her the videos from the nanny cam , I’m just So frustrated with this marriage any opinions please

  18. Terri w says:

    Hi been married 23 years due to health issues I’m not always in the mood. Plus I have trust issues within our marriage, he’s cheated and now yes I forgave and don’t think he’s doing it again. But he just recently told me out bedroom is boring we have sex about 2x a week. I don’t feel like I’m attractive to him anymore so I don’t usual start intamacy. He Use to look at me during sex and now he doesn’t it makes me feel like he’s thinking of the other women. I don’t know what to do.

  19. TW says:

    To Al
    You should just show her the video and tell you yes your a Christian women but sexual intamacy with your husband is becoming of a Christian women it’s your husband and we are to please him as well as he please us. So whatever your thing is as long as it’s with your husband I feel God is ok with it. Good luck Al

  20. Blu says:

    I am a woman and my thighs get tired easily when I ride my husband and as such don’t do it for long. I have started doing squats daily to see if this will help.
    Any ideas friends?

  21. A says:

    For ever wife out there believe me men love affectionate penis love. We have been married 32 years and as time passes my wife konws every minute detail about my penis how to hold him and how I react to her touch especially with her mouth. She gets rewarded in quite a special way❤️ Every time

  22. Al says:

    A: not all are like you. I don’t want to be fondled.

    This quote bothers me:
    “Modesty really needs to take a backseat when exploring sexual intimacy in the exclusivity of our marriage. Not easy, I know. It’s that whole “flip the switch” thing.”

    I don’t see it this way. I think the loss of modesty in the world is what is creating so many problems. I’m sorry, I do not want to see naked or even half naked people wondering around the house. I have told my high school aged sons I expect to see them with a shirt on. No getting out of bed and walking around the house in boxers and no shirts. I expect my wife to wear appropriate bedtime clothing. I also think she needs to be covered up in the morning when walking around the house. I hate it when she comes into the bathroom when I’m showering. People have the right to personal space and more modesty is needed in this world.

    So why am I here if I have such a drastictly different view than Julie or many others? Because I keep getting told that I’m the one that’s wrong because I am extremely conservative and reserved. The problem is, the more I read, the more upset I get. Reserved, conservative and introverted people are not bad people. I really do not think that marriage must have sex front and center. I really do not think it’s the cornerstone.

    Many people do not like role playing, or sex games, or any of the other made up stuff that’s supposed to make it fun. If you have to add all this made up stuff to make it fun, then why are we so obsessed with it?

    I’m passing into my 50’s, and I really wish we had an age where we could just say enough is enough, the sex is done. After all these years of in-and-out it’s all the same and the novelty wears off and it’s nothing more than one more item on the checklist before I can finally turn out the lights and turn off the day. I’ve only got 6 hours until I have to get up and start over.

  23. Josie says:

    Wow! Reading this made me think about so many things. My husband and I have been married for a little over a year. I was 41 when we married and a virgin who had never dated much, so needless to say when we were first married I had ALOT to learn. Thanks to parents who were appropriately open about romance and sex (answer the questions but don’t elaborate unless necessary) it wasn’t long before I was really exploring my husband’s body and asking what made him tick. It didn’t help that from the moment we started our relationship we insisted on talking about everything.

    There have been many times when aside from sex I have just touched his genitals just to find out what made him purr. Much to my surprise- due to things I had read- I was amazed how fondling and gently rubbing his scrotum gave him such pleasure. I also learned that what may make him gasp in pleasure one day/night may be different than it was the night before.

    One other thing, in the beginning there were times one of us would want something and was afraid to ask. When we talked about it later the other was laying there wanting to do the same type of thing. That’s when we realized there is really nothing off-limits in our marriage. I feel this, as with every part of marriage, it is so important to communicate your needs, hurts and feelings of pleasure. God made sex for us! For us to enjoy and share with our spouse. Wow!

  24. A says:

    Al When I read what you wrote I’m so very sorry if you are offended. We have been married 30+ years and I believe my wife thought very much like you for the first 25 years of marriage and I always came to the conclusion back then that I was the dirty one and she was the pure one. She has always been a caring loving mother and wife and I just thought she was trying to love me out of my shameful desires. But that’s not biblical but what is also not biblical is the fact if two people husband and wife are on the same page great. I sure hope you and your wife are one on this. The bible says we may not have even a hint of sexual impurity before God. But I ask explain pornography from a logical perspective. What makes porn porn and sexual desire that God created good? Marriage and loving respect for each other’s sexual needs is biblically good. So what makes porn porn and a healthy sex life good for many and for some not in the context of marriage. I don’t have an answer for you Al that’s between God and you. CS Lewis writes about sexual immorality before Internet and all of its evil was invented. He says this and I will try to retell it. I’ll try to write from memory to the best of my knowledge. He writes ,in order to be able to have men pay money to have a women do a strip tease we need a market for that act. Where did this need come from? How and who turned purity to porn to the degree that the pure of heart become ashamed of there naked bodies. The answer to this question is I believe the antidote as to how the pure of heart can fight back. Hear is the answer to say to God “that what you created pure is dirty and sinful” is telling God His creation is bad. That a disrespect to God! Believing there is something dirty about pure sex and our naked bodies leaves the door open for the perverted. My wife and I grew up like you in a so called conservative Christian home no talk about sex no running around the house naked not even as children. Families that grow up in homes were sex and naked bodies are modelled as pure and from God I guarantee they will have grow up sexually healthy because no appetite for the perverted from of nakedness and sex. A

  25. Concerned Christian Wife says:

    Very interesting. Thank you all for sharing especially men.. Trying to figure out the needs and sexual desires of men coming from a home of 5 girls and no boys, I had no clue that I should seek to please my husband. I thought that it was his job to initiate our sexual experiences. I am especially happy to hear Christians speak about pleasing your husband and exploring his body. Still have a lot to learn. My ignorance may have caused him to explore other options.

  26. A says:

    Knowing the penis that’s attracted to your man makes the man in many cases. It was so true for the two of us. I’ve learned to treat your vagina in the way I would love to receive. My wife had two brothers and I’m very happy she never learned how to treat my penis from them. We worked it out.

  27. A says:

    Looking for penis love in other places is always wrong! But my penis is defiantly being love these last years and it’s getting better and better with time and experience.

  28. A says:

    It is sex morning today? I know how this is going to go because we talked about it this morning in bed before our showers. I know every detail about how to give the best orgasm and she knows my penis. I’ll tell you later how it turned out. LATER it was good got to go.

  29. B says:

    I absolutely love my husband’s penis. I am enthralled with it. I love touching it, kissing it, fellating it and deep throating it. I love feeling him inside me and when he cums I feel happy inside. And for me to cum when he’s inside me is amazing. My question is, is it normal for me to get aroused at the mere thought of his penis? Is it normal for me to hunger for sex with him? We don’t have sex very often because he is diabetic and sometimes his foreskin hurts. I would love to have sex several times a week but if I get it once a month I’m lucky. I want sex with him all the time. I hear and read about men wanting it but nothing about women wanting it. Are there other women like me?

  30. NG says:

    Came to this late, but thought I’d comment. Though the destination is always preferred, it’s SO much better when you enjoy the journey. By focusing my efforts on my wife’s pleasure, I was extremely stimulated. Sometimes she’s climax first and then I’d climax after insertion, or, we’d climax together. Unfortunately, more often than not, she’d often be “non-present”. This often killed the mood and it seemed like it was just perfunctory. Great was a rarity!

    Her complaint; she often remained engorged 24-48 hours and it made her feel uncomfortable wearing underwear, which she always did. Once married the sex became limited to a few times a month for a while and then slowly the time periods were extended.

    In spite of that we raised seven children but I suspected she might be cheating. Eventually, this proved to be true and apparently with more than one person through the years. It is likely that of the seven, four may not be mine. She came from a promiscuous family, supposedly slept with her high school football team, some of her bosses, our family physician, two church members at least one person she supervised, and who knows how many others. We also had several peeping Toms due to her flagrant exposures despite my admonitions regarding her safety and that of our children. She even did it to our oldest daughter’s male friends and her then boyfriend later husband, whom I caught her with and she was naked.

    So, sometimes, size isn’t the issue at all. It may also be the emotional state of your partner and their history. We have been divorced over 20 years and I’ve been with women since and no one has complained to my face. I have no idea what her marriage is like or whether she’s happy with her current penis, and I don’t care. As long as my penis, the size being it is, keeps rising to the occasion; I’m happy!! 😉

  31. NBrazeau says:

    i am surprised to see you say many women would find a man she is attracted to and still in love with “gross”?

    God gave us potential desires for the opposite sex’s sexual organ the day we were conceived!

    also regarding penis size, while i do think one should not focus too much on it, again it is a God given desire for women to find a large penis and grapefruit size balls physically attractive, because large sexual organs literally is a symbol of masculinity, it makes a man more virile, more manly, more able to protect her and their children from the threat of other men because bigger balls produce more testosterone, which means increased physical strength and fighting ability.. and women are not just attracted to the male gender, but the quality of masculinity! it is within their DNA!

    i think you are trying to be politically correct on this one, but you can frame anyway you like, you still wont be able to override the inner drive and desire God has given the female gender, and frankly i don’t think it is helpful to deny the reality and make women feel guilty about their natural inclinations.

  32. Christie says:

    I have been reading all these posts. My husband and I have been to the Love and Marriage classes or conferences and they have been very helpful. I think a woman should please her husband and love everything about him. Respect him whether he wants to have sex or not. The book of song of Solomon in the bible is helpful. The man should love his wife’s body as he loves his own and she should love his body and respect it as her own. The two when brought together through intercourse become one flesh. God made it to be beautiful, enjoyable and special between the two of them only. Jesus taught to think of another other than your spouse that way is to have committed adultery in your heart. So stay true to your love between one another and give to each other gentleness.kindness.sweetness.respect.pleasure and understanding. A man doesn’t need to take Viagra if he truly feels loved by his wife.it goes beyond the sexual act it is a commitment and unselfed love for your spouse like Jesus had for us. Are you willing to lay your life down for your spouse and family.like Jesus did for us. That’s unconditional true love. Keep loving and working together and you will see your intimate love life with your spouse soar like in the garden of Eden before the fall. God loves you.

  33. Faith says:

    I had one partner before marrying my husband of 4 years.. And while I try not to let it bother me I just always notice how much smaller my husband is than my previous lover. It’s a combination of him being less than average and the other man being quite a bit bigger than average but even tho u sometimes achieve orgasm its never comfortable for mW to be intimate with his penis the way I used to please and play with my ex

  34. Jerri says:

    I have a question and comment. I’m a 66 year old widow who has met a non-Christian man. We were attracted to each other the first time we met. We have consummated our relationship and sex has been unbelievably fulfilling and pleasurable. I have been reading your articles on sex and intemancy and he fulfills each one. He tells me all the time how attractive I am, how much he enjoys being together, etc….he’s the perfect man, sexually as well as socially. He doesn’t want to marry because of fear of failure in a 3rd marriage. We love each other and miss each other when we’re apart. The delimma I have is sex outside marriage even though we have committed ourselves to each other. Of my 43 years of marriage when my husband passed away, I have never experienced this sexual fulfillment and have never felt like a desirable woman before. Can you offer any insight? I cringe at the thought spending the rest of my life without him. At age 66, time is short to let go of what I have with this man.

  35. Julie Sibert says:

    @Jerri — Thank you for your comment and sharing so vulnerably. I wish I had easy answers, but all I have are biblical ones.

    While I appreciate the dilemma you face and can see how difficult this is, God and the Bible don’t give us any examples where sex outside of marriage is acceptable to the Lord.

    All we see in God’s word and reflected in His heart when we press into Him through prayer and wise counsel is that sex is for people who have entered into the covenant of marriage. Sex is one of the ways that God has set apart marriage as being different from any other relationship. It is sacred in a way that other relationships are not.

    While I can see that your boyfriend is apprehensive about another failed marriage, I would think the bigger concern for you is that he doesn’t love you enough to take the risk. The thing you really need to wrestle with is that if the two of you are such good friends, enjoy each other’s company and genuinely love each other, then why wouldn’t he want to marry you?

    I encourage you to press into God’s word and heart through prayer and ask God to show you why you are struggling with this dilemma and what you should do about it. That’s hard for sure — I am not minimizing it. But ultimately God is calling us to obedience rather than to our comfort zone.

    I hope some of this is helpful. Thanks again for commenting.

  36. Ronald Ivy says:

    My wife and I have been married almost 51 years. I desire and like sex a lot. She was ready in our earlier years but now she can’t even get an orgasim. She always tells me that she can’t get an orgasim because she had a historretamy. (Sp) I now am using Fentanyl patches and now I have a case of ED. I try to get her in the mood but she always tells me just to go ahead and get mine. I try to do all the things around the house so she won’t be to tired to have sex. It doesn’t work either! Just one time, I would like for her to initiate sex but she will not. I’m really lost and don’t know what else to do. She don’t have another man because we are together all the time. I just feel like sometimes that she don’t care about me any more. I really don’t want for us to go our separate ways after all of these years. What can I do to save our sex life and our marriage?

  37. Janis J Taylor says:

    Ronald, God bless you two for 51 years of marriage…however, longevity is not necessarily quality….in relationships , a lot of patterns form, routines get established and sometimes one partner is secretly sacrificing more than the other for the sake of staying together. I suggest that you and your spouse find a good therapist to help you two see and understand what is going on at this time of your lives.

  38. Janis J Taylor says:

    Thank you Julie for that “speaking the truth in love” comment and pointing her back to God for her answers. I personally can relate having been married before and am also a 66 yr old widow who is Christian.
    Janis

  39. Gabe says:

    To B Your husband is an incredible lucky man. If only all women were like you, so many marriages would not be in the dumps. As far as your concern about thinking and loving your hubby’s penis so much…don’t stop. You need to teach this mindset to other women, especially the younger married ones. Most older married women are a lost cause when it comes to sex.

  40. Laolu says:

    I am a Christian and I love my wife so much.
    I get to have erections most times when I move close to my wife or when she moves close to me especially when I am not busy.
    I will be soon be 30 years and two years in our marriage. It took my wife like last month before we both started sex in our marriage. Thankfully, one of the pastors we respect so much conselled both of us on this issue. Before then, my wife thinks I am just “using” her whenever,i have sex with her. I knew she has a lots to do with my past relationships.

    I love having sex with her frequently whenever I am relaxed and we are together but she thinks I have a medical problem because, I have erection most times she moves close to me and might want to have sex afterwards. I recently found out she google about it (the site advised her not to give me sex always again because she if she does, she is not helping me. I felt bad and since then I had reframed my wife towards her. I no longer feel erection when she moves close to me, there is no emotional and sexual connection again, I see her as every other lady out there because I have “blocked my mind”. I realised that the way I see her affects everything about me.

    I have read about benefits of sex in .marriage from scriptures and articles online but I feels she has “this thing” about it.

    I want to discuss this issue with her but and I don’t know how to because she might feel I just want to defend myself and push her to have sex with her always.

    Please how can you help my wife and I?
    I do not want devil to have his way in our marriage.

    Thank you for your time and anticipation prompt response

    Blessings

  41. Anonymous says:

    So I recently discovered my husband is having some insecurities with the size of his penis. Out of no where. I never thought anything of it because I’m blessed with a husband that had a great sized penis and pleasures me without fail. However he asked me directly if his or is was big enough and I said yes you have a great size. It’s defiantly not small and he just looked at me (this type of discussion is awkward for me) so to elaborate I said, “it’s possible for a d*** to be too big ya know?” Yup I know, huge mistake. I didn’t realize it at the time but I do now. Please MEN help me figure out how to build my husband back up without sounding fake. I love my husband. I mean in my eyes he’s the man! He’s strong and sexy and just thinking about him makes me feel so thankful that he chose me every time. I’m desperate, he has mentioned leaving me because he says, “mentally I may not be able to get through this because now I picture you with other men (an experience that in unwed and not a good one happened to me) and yes I have told him everything about how I feel about him. I just need to know how to compliment his penis in ways other than, “I love it” or “it’s so big”. I want to give my husband the love and respect he deserves in the bed room so since this stupid comment came out of my mouth I’ve been making sure to compliment him like I did when we first met but I don’t have a ton of sexual experience and I don’t want to sound fake. I just want my husband to feel confident again. Please help me!

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