Sexual Intimacy: My Love Letter to Pornographers

My Love Letter to Pornographers

Dear Pornographers,

Oh, how can I begin to thank you? I sure love what you’ve done for society, marriage, men and women.  I have never seen such speedy results (and at a profit nonetheless… way to go!)

You somehow managed to take young women — some barely in their teens — and convince or coerce them into believing the lie that their worth is measured in the commodity of sex.  Such brilliant strategy.  Sure, maybe long ago they dreamed of being a nurse or a teacher or an engineer.   Those sure were some crazy aspirations, weren’t they?

I’m guessing that everyone who knew them then — knew them as  a sweet third-grader or a shy seventh-grader — is thrilled they have chosen a different career path.  After all, what parent doesn’t envision their tender newborn someday becoming a porn star?  That, of course, is what everyone eagerly wants for their little girl. This is why they can’t wait for December to roll around — you know, so they can mail their Christmas letter and share the exciting “career” news with all their friends and family.

While I’m at it, I must give you props for all the progress you’ve made with so many men. (Wouldn’t want the girls to get all the spotlight).  Who would have thought that the days where boys and men treated women with respect could be decimated so quickly?  Those were just a bunch of old fashioned ideas anyway.

Can you even believe that there used to be a time when a man would stand when a woman walked in the room,  would protect a woman’s heart and body with his very life, and would readily open doors for his wife, sister, mother or grandmother — or any woman really — because that’s what he was taught from the time he was a toddler at his father’s feet?  I sure am glad those days are dwindling. That kind of chivalry wasn’t good for anyone, least of all our society.

It is so refreshing to see so many of your customers treating women as mere objects — their sole purpose to gratify the sexual urgings of men.  Just how did you pull that off so smoothly?  It’s hard to fathom now, but at one point, young men prided themselves in behaving with integrity and honor. Ludicrous I tell you.

I suppose there just aren’t enough words to thank you for what you have done for the economy. Fabulous.  You have all these people working in your industry who are so talented.  And to think they could have wasted those talents on things like capturing the beauty of God’s creation in nature or conveying the capacity of the human soul to improve our society.  Whew! That sure was a close call.  What would happen if all these talented folks behind your cameras, in your editing rooms and at your computer screens chose other jobs?  We definitely do not need that pool of talent getting all mixed up in other industries.

Last but not least, I would be remiss if I didn’t make note of all the good you have done for marriages.  I am so glad you got these married folk thinking that authentic and honorable sexual intimacy just isn’t worth the effort.  Short cuts are always more effective.  Can you believe that the Bible actually talks about a husband and a wife enjoying sex only with each other — and regularly nonetheless?!!   That book is so outdated.

Your way is really a much better approach to strengthening a covenant relationship. I mean, seriously…  all these wives out there must feel so much better knowing their husbands are looking at the breasts of other women and watching other people have sex.

After all, that is what every woman thinks happily of on her wedding day… “I just can’t wait until he secretly steals away in the basement, staring at naked gals on our computer screen.  Maybe he’ll even want to go to some of those live shows!  This is just going to be sooo good for our marriage.  I think it will make me feel beautiful and cherished.”

Rumor has it that your customer base of women is growing too!  Way to go!  Remember when even your industry leaders didn’t think that was possible? Look how far things have come.

I also have heard that some circumstances seem to fuel your bottom line. You’re capitalizing on those, aren’t you?  I mean, you have so many men who think porn is no big deal, and there are so many women who think nurturing sexual intimacy in their marriages is one big inconvenience.  It’s like a cocktail of sexual indiscretion just waiting to happen.  Good thing your “open” sign is hanging out there 24/7,  huh?!  You get ’em at all hours, don’t you?!

Certainly all of the above accomplishments are noteworthy.  Stellar, I tell you.  But I just can’t stop there. I’m not sure how you did it, but some way and some how, you managed to get nearly all your customers and employees convinced that this is the only life for them.  What was your go-to method for that?

Did you use the shame card? Man, that one is money, isn’t it?!  Or maybe along the way you’ve suggested that a different way of life would just be plain boring (or impossible at this point).

At any rate, I think you must be steering them clear of that Jesus dude.  I tell you what, He’s always going on and on about things like grace and true love and dying on the cross for our sins.  Yada. Yada. Yada. Who does that guy think He is anyway?

I can’t pat you on the back enough. You have done wonders on so many fronts, it is really hard to capture them all in one letter.

Sincerely,

“Not a Customer, but Can See Why You Have So Many”

The truth is that when we stand back and see the toll pornography has taken, we do not applaud, do we?  We grieve. Pornography has taken something precious — the gift of sex — and skewed it beyond recognition (yet, at the same time, made the skewed version unbelievably mainstream).

Am I out to vilify pornographers?  Not really.  They too were once someone’s newborn baby.  Am I out to remove all responsibility from those who willingly participate in pornography?  Not really.   The face of sin and weakness is universal, even if it doesn’t always show up in the area of pornography.  We are all sinners in need of the Savior.

I am no expert in the area of pornography addiction and the life-altering negative consequences of pornography.  But I am not naive either. I don’t think there is anything “casual” about porn.  Call me old fashioned. Call me a one-flesh fanatic. Call me a Christian wife who hears from plenty of wives living in the fall-out of pornography wreaking havoc on their marriages. Call me an unabashed advocate for authentic sexual intimacy.

Plain and simple, there’s nothing appealing about a husband or wife regularly entertaining sexual images of other people.  If we think those images can’t seep into the covenant fabric of marriage we are fooling ourselves.

As I look at the landscape of sexuality, I cannot find one redeeming quality of pornography.  I see instead broken lives, devastated marriages, and growing appetites for more explicit material.  Enough really is never enough.

Though the road is not necessarily easy, there is indeed a road out of pornography and toward authentic sexual intimacy.  Such a road begins with Jesus, I’m convinced.  Fortunately, He has equipped some helpers to encourage those people embarking on such a journey.

There are so many resources out there — too many for me to list here (if you know of some, please throw them into the comment section).   I humbly recommend Route1520, because these are normal everyday people who have walked what they are talking about.  They know.  I appreciate Traylor and Melody Lovvorn, who have an amazing story of marriage lost… and marriage redeemed.  Traylor guest posted for me on restoring intimacy after betrayal.

I also was fortunate to stumble across Dirty Girls Ministries and Crystal Renaud, who is valiantly helping women out of pornography addiction.

And just recently, I read this amazing guest post by Mark Chamberlain over at Dustin’s Engaged Married site. Chamberlain is tackling the porn issue as well on his “Love You, Hate the Porn” blog.

You may also want to check out Joseph Ryan’s site Freedom from Porn Addiction.

And recently I shared about David Cowan and his modern-day film that reflects the story of Hosea from the Old Testament (a prophet who God told to marry that day’s version of a porn star).

Getting out of something destructive takes courage, support and a willingness to take one breath at a time.  No one resource probably has all the answers.  But starting somewhere is at least starting.

And if you are married to someone who is entrenched in porn — but doesn’t want to take a different course — I encourage you to get the support you need to navigate such pain.

My love letter to pornographers? It is drenched in my deep, deep sadness.

Copyright 2011, Julie Sibert, Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

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29 thoughts on “Sexual Intimacy: My Love Letter to Pornographers

  1. Leanne says:

    I am dealing with this VERY real issue in my marriage. My husband is terribly addicted to gay porn. The hurt from me finding out and the way that I found it is deeper than I can explain…. the toll it has taken on me and our family. The bitterness it has brought out in me. I HATE this industry, what it does, and the way Satan uses it to destroy families and lives.

    Thank you for what you have written that sums up the way so many feel!

  2. Scott Livingston says:

    Sobering and powerful. If only those it was intended for would actually, honestly take the time to read it. They have indeed sown the wind, and we are sadly reaping the whirlwind (Hosea 8:7)

    But hearts change one-by-one. I pray this will reach and change at least one heart.

    Thank you.

  3. JulieSibert says:

    Thank you Leanne and Scott for your comments. It is a heartbreaking and humble journey to see how something so precious as sex has been manipulated and destroyed in countless situations. Satan does indeed rejoice over the foothold he has gained in so many marriages and individual lives.

    Honestly, some days…. I just can’t wait for Heaven. No more pain. No more tears. No more heartache. No more destruction.

  4. judd says:

    julie,

    I am in love with my wife of 16 years. For the first 13 we only had sex one time every 3-6 weeks. My wife continuously refused. For the last 2 years or more I have stopped initiating altogether and was losing my desire for her. She has, praise God, awaken to the harm it did to our marriage and the pain I endured. We are having more sex and it is good. My problem is that I am not initiating and even to think of it makes me break out into a cold sweat… literally and get clammy. I know it’s from all the past refusals, as I was a very confident lover in the past and when we did, we both enjoyed it.

    I could really use some advice to help gain that confidence back as it is a huge issue now. Example: She does out and out make herself available, but I think she might be up for sex. I just can’t find the confidence to ask or initiate and then I get frustrated and if it goes on for a couple of days my frustration comes out like anger. Neither one of us likes this and she says to initiate and she will not refuse, but she use to say that in the past as well and I just couldn’t handle that carpet being pulled out from under me again. Feel free to send an email to me or address this to everyone. This is probably the largest issue in our marriage right now.

  5. Sarah Baron says:

    Julie,
    You know that I wrote a series on marriage and pornography, and I tried to do it as impartially as possible. To use logic as my guide. To present the facts and let people choose their own course of action.

    However, I read this post as a parent, and my heart broke. Really. What a world we live in. The sex talk I have with my children will look different from the one that has been done for generations before me.

    Thanks for this great post.

    Sarah

  6. The Real Proposal magazine says:

    Other Great Resources include:

    * ‘In The Shadows of The Net: Breaking Free from Compulsive Online Sexual Behavior’ By Patrick Carnes

    * ‘Virtual Addiction: Help for Netheads, Cyberfreaks, and Those Who Love Them’ By David Greenfield

    * ‘Caught in the Net: How to Recognize the Signs of Internet Addiction—and a Winning Strategy for Recovery’ By Kimberly Young

  7. Kurt Stecker says:

    Wow, you nailed it. So many inspiring words that so many needed to hear. Your writing makes a difference in lives, don’t ever stop.

  8. Rob says:

    Judd, I’ve been in a similar spot. We’re reconnecting but I still have a hard time figuring out the “rules of engagement” because I truly don’t want to push her too far too fast. You and I know what it’s like to have your confidence chased away, but you’ve got to push your own boundaries a bit to keep things clicking. Women like confidence and you don’t want to damage her self esteem. If she’s asking you to initiate, she’s concerned. Three thoughts:
    1. Just take a leap of faith and go for it. Trust her that she’ll say “yes” as she says and, no, it won’t really be the end of the world if there’s a “no” now and then. You’re living in a new reality now and you need to let the old one where ‘no’ was the norm go. I’m working on that, too. Part of sex is being vulnerable to your partner – that’s why it’s such a personal thing. There’s vulnerability in initiating, but the payoff is great!
    2. If initiating “in the moment” seems to be the hard part, suggest/ask ahead of time. I had to do more of this to get comfortable. It also gives your wife a chance to reschedule if the timing really doesn’t work.
    3. Engage in more warm-up activities, like showering together, massages, snuggling, etc. They’re good for their own sakes and should often be enjoyed by themselves, but sometimes they’ll lead to lovemaking so naturally that the score keeping around who started it gets confusing and irrelevant. Maybe the fact that she’s asking you to initiate leaves you in the position of thinking that whatever you do, she really initiated because she asked you to. The cure might be activities that blur the lines a bit!

    If the real problem is you’re having a hard time dealing with resentment from those “dry” years, make sure you deal with those feelings. Find someone to vent to – friends, God, online forums, unsent letters to her, a counselor, etc. You’ll (we’ll) have to let go of all that garbage. Suffice it to say that a lot of people know exactly how crappy you felt and that it was unfair. Then, let it go. It’s not doing you any favors.

  9. grasshopper says:

    thanks for sharing that, it hits the heart of the matter. xxx church.com is a good site, has alot of resources.

  10. Alabama98 says:

    I hate porn. It has destroyed sooo many families, while many continually say that it is okay. My father had stacks of porn magazines. It also didn’t help that his single male friends whole-heartedly encouraged it. Needless to say, he left the church, divorced my Mom and had nothing to do with my siblings & I.

    I know there are plenty out there think it is okay, but I read in a book, either “For Women Only” or “For Men Only” (both by Shaunti Feldhahn) that men are visual people and have a ‘virtual rolodex’ in their head. So if your hubby is watching porn and the person that is obviously not his wife is up there, how is that going to benefit your marriage if he is only thinking of–or getting aroused–by someone else? How is it going to further enhance, or enrich your marriage? He will have that picture in his head for I don’t know how long……

    And I personally don’t want to have sex with my hubby…and compete with some unknown person he saw in a porn-magazine or movie that he can’t get out of his head.

  11. Some married guy says:

    I dislike porn. But as with just about everything, there are some benefits to be found if you look hard enough. Probably the best aspect of porn is it cheaply exemplifies what men are hoping for in their marriage. Not necessarily the multitude of partners, but a Seductive Enthusiastic and eXperimental partner, who doesn’t always need the candle lit dinner, bouquet of roses, and to be swept off her feet.
    Granted this benefit is not enough to justify the regular use of porn.
    As an aside, I hope you will also write a love letter to Queen Victoria and the Victorian age for the opposite affect.

  12. JulieSibert says:

    In response to “Some Married Guy” — Thank you for the comment. I disagree about finding any benefits in porn, but I wholeheartedly agree with your observation that many men would prefer their wives not only be more enthusiastic about sex, but a bit more adventuresome. I like your “Queen Victoria” idea… yes, a letter of this sorts is needed, so I will definitely do it down the road. Thanks!!

    So many wives struggle with how to be sexually confident. I believe that married couples have tremendous freedom to explore sexual pleasure, as long as no one is getting hurt and exclusivity is being maintained (no third parties, including no viewing of porn). Once couples embrace all sexual intimacy has to offer, it truly can be very strengthening to their relationship. There is a big disconnect in a lot marriages… husbands desire more excitement sexually, and wives continuing to view sex as obligation…something to just go through the motions and get done with. On the flip side, some couples have issues that compel them to just dig in their heels and retreat to the corners, rather than intentionally deal with issues in a way that will draw them closer together.

  13. Jenn says:

    This issue of porn is so staggering. I know people who have intense struggles in their marriage due to porn, up to and including divorce. I know girls who were sexually abused by men who used porn as their “inspiration.” I’ve watched in horror as more women get sucked into visual porn (I’ve felt for many years that typical romance novels–with their graphic depictions of sex–are literary porn) that causes them also to have unrealistic expectations about what true loving sex should be.

    It is for this reason that I was really shocked when I read Stacey Etheridge’s book “The Sexually Confident Wife” and found her giving an approving nod to porn “if you both enjoy it.” I can not, in any good conscious at all, EVER recommend that book because of the 1-2 pages where porn is discussed in an approving manner. I have just seen too many women and marriages damaged by porn.

  14. JulieSibert says:

    Thanks for your comments Jenn… I agree that porn has done tremendous damage on many levels.

    As for Shannon Ethridge’s book, “The Sexually Confident Wife,” I have read this book as well, What I tell people, though, is that it is unlikely you will find one source with which you totally agree. Sex can be such a volatile topic and there is disagreement among Christians on many sexual related issues.

    I encourage people, though, to glean from sources what resonates with their beliefs and then let the rest go. While I too don’t agree with everything in Ethridge’s book, there are some parts that are very helpful. Same is true for other books as well. Also, while i can’t recall the book exactly, I did glance back through it and found that she does say this as well…

    “Perhaps both of you feel perfectly okay about viewing pornography together. If so, my intention isn’t to guilt you into feeling any differently, although I do want to challenge you to consider how your relationship might grow much deeper without it.”

    Sounds like she is trying to help couples recognize that porn is never going to compare to something more authentic achieved without porn.

    I know it can be challenging, but I think people looking to strengthen their sexual intimacy can be more discerning than they give themselves credit for… they can read a book, discern what jives with their beliefs, and dismiss the rest. Truth is, we do this in Christianity all the time.

    That’s why when I recommend any resource, I always do it with this caveat…”Glean what falls in line with your beliefs and let the rest go. You unlikely will agree with everything in this book.”

    Anyway, I ramble. thanks for the comment Jenn! Appreciate it!! julie

  15. Agentfyre says:

    “It is so refreshing to see so many of your customers treating women as mere objects — their sole purpose to gratify the sexual urgings of men.”

    I think it’s important to mention gratifying their own sexual urgings as well. I know it’s probably not a main draw, but it still exists that some women are pulled into sexual promiscuity, even porn, because they themselves love sex. I think such a desire is wonderful, but must be refined through teaching in love so that the act of sex isn’t abused. Many women need to hear the same messages that men need to hear about how to control their urges and why, yet I never see that message anywhere. I don’t know if it’s necessarily missing, or if I simply haven’t seen it myself. But I do know that women need this help too.
    I too have hatred for the porn industry. I only urge that caution be taken with such things. To hate the sin is good and necessary, But we must not have hatred for those involved, only in their actions. Those two all too often get mixed together. There’s no such thing as a bad person, only bad choices.
    I feel these words have reached the intended audience. I think it’s important to state this as well. These words aren’t for the porn industry, they’ll never read them. These words are intended for us, that His truth will be so moving and powerful in us that we take a stand in action against the evils of Satan and our own sins. This doesn’t mean “let’s go burn down the porn establishments.” But it does mean teaching our children and friends about what love truly is. We may think no one listens, but these words of truth haunt souls and make changes even if only years down the road. But that’s the importance of our action.
    Julie, I encourage you to continue spreading the truth of love and evil, not because I think you will stop but because your words are so desperately needed. There’s so little truth in our society today. But remember the immense beauty that He surrounds us with. Yes there’s a lot of pain and suffering, but remember that He uses that pain and suffering, He redeems it, He nails it to a cross and brings hope, faith, and love to all on Earth. For all the pain, there is so much more beauty around us.
    I have one last thing for all of us married couples our there. Remember that our marriage is a literal symbol of the love of God. The way in which we pursue Christ fervently teaches us how to fervently pursue our spouses, and the way in which we pursue our spouse teaches us how to more fervently pursue Christ. These two relationships are not separate. It is not just the two spouses in the bedroom, but Christ is there with us as well. Porn does indeed create a separation between all parties, but not so far that Jesus can’t repair it. If we’re having trouble bridging the gap left between ourselves and our spouse that porn has made, remember to fervently pursue your spouse the way you wish to pursue Christ. Keep Him in the forefront of your mind so that that His love can overflow beyond the pain.
    I thank God for each and every one of you here. And sorry for such a long post.

  16. BurnEden says:

    Married men go to porn because of a lack of intimacy from their wives, not the other way around.
    Men use porn simply because men are visual in their sexuality. To say porn is wrong is to say masturbation by single men is wrong but masturbation by single women is acceptable since they are more easily satisfied using their imagination and don’t have that visual need like that of a man.

  17. JulieSibert says:

    Thank you for your comment BurnEden, but I can’t say I agree completely with you. I do think porn is wrong. It cheapens something that God intended to be sacred. I appreciate that you took the time to read the blog posting though.

  18. JulieSibert says:

    To the last person who commented… I would hope starting today you wouldn’t watch porn ever again.

  19. J (Hot, Holy & Humorous) says:

    What a great perspective to illuminate the vast problems pornography has caused in our society! God’s design is one woman-one man in committed marriage mutually pursuing intimacy with and pleasure of the other. Porn is NOT part of that plan, pure and simple. The charge that all men do it or it isn’t that big of a deal doesn’t address the real hurt that is caused and the lost opportunities for connecting with your spouse while someone is engaging in porn.

  20. Tom says:

    Just want to reiterate what Some Married Guy said… not to promote porn (I personally hate it), but the appeal of it is the enthusiastic, willing women. In porn, the hottest body or prettiest face doesn’t count for much if she just lays there like a dead fish, or is yawning and reading a magazine while the guy does his thing. Same goes for the marriage bed.

  21. mommy of his three boys says:

    This is a good article.
    I have dealt with the pain from the Lies of pornography for nearly seven years now, ever since I accidentally found it on my boyfriend’s computer and didn’t break up with him over it then.
    Now we have been married for over three years and my husband’s sexual ummm issues, are a constant stream of pain/insecurity to me in our relationship. Just when I think things are getting better, I’ll find something new…
    Unlike most of the other commenters, I have the opposite problem in my marriage.
    I am the one who wants sex and am Lucky if we do it multiple times a month. Maybe we’ll do it a few times in a few days but then it’ll be weeks and weeks until it happens again…
    My husband was the first/only man I have ever been with (though I was the second person he had sex with and the third he did sexual things with to my knowledge), and while we were dating he somehow got in and managed to whet my apatite for that type of intimacy. Though I was trying to remain pure for my wedding night, it didn’t happen, and though we struggled to not do things (could have gotten kicked out of our church), I ended up pregnant before we got married.
    So now I deal with the pain of never feeling good enough for him…
    I feel like he’d rather do it by himself than bother to be intimate with his wife, and face it, no matter how fast I always get back to my pre-pregnancy weight around 115lbs, I still don’t have the body I did when I was 18, after three children in three years, one weighing over 11lbs at birth (no I was not diabetic, baby and I were very healthy and I gave birth with no pain drugs, tearing, or epesiotomy) though I’m only 24 I’m still getting older, and the porn always appears fresh and young and perfect.
    I can still remember the first image I ever saw of a young, perfect girl, stripped naked, shaved and spreading her legs on a simple chair in a simple empty room (so ‘clean’ and sterile looking), it is engrained in my mind for ever like the type of ghost image you get when you look at light and close your eyes…
    I was brought up to view sex as bad (my mother was the survivor of childhood sexual abuse as well as an abusive marriage) (and we recently discovered that I was very likely sexually abused as a Very young child -which has given me Plenty of issues to deal with) so when I Do get a chance to work on things in the bedroom, I’m very timid, self-conscious, and shy, so I know I’m not that exciting for my husband. I’d love to be ‘better’, but I don’t really get a whole lot of practice, and I’ve already done things I don’t feel God created us to do, just because I want to give him Some amount of excitement…
    I sometimes quit trying to initiate because I get tired of him ‘not feeling like it’, not being in the mood, or being too tired after a long day -huh sound familiar gentlemen? Women aren’t the only ones who use those.
    And then IF I Do get him when he’s excited, I have to be the one who tries to use lubricant or get him to put on a condom -because if I get pregnant again, I’ll surely be the one blamed…
    Sorry this is so long, but it really hurts when two consecutive Christmas mornings you accidentally walk in on your husband masturbating to either porn or a sensual story (which I didn’t even know they had for guys)
    Because he obviously loves Me so much and Really means it when he calls Me sexy. That’s why I used to find him on dating sites all the time (fantasizing about having relationships with these other girls -yes, that’s what he told me -he wasn’t fantasizing about having sex with them, he was fantasizing about having Relationships with them -and from a relational/female standpoint, he might as well have punched me -because that Really hurt -relationships? Really? Like -Our relationship isn’t good enough? Maybe if he’d get off the computer/cell phone and put half an ounce of energy into his relationship with his WIFE, MAYBE it would be better! I’m CONSTANTLY trying to do things to get his attention/approval/etc but it never seems to be enough), and that’s why the other day (after a few days of him complimenting me more than normal) I accidentally found a text he wrote to a prostitute. -and when I ask him why he asked her if she was comfortable with any fetishes, he says he’s ‘just curious’, that he wants to know ‘what’s out there’… -and he expects me to believe him when he says he hasn’t physically cheated on me… sometimes it’s really hard… I could never compare with their perfect airbrushed bodies and imaginary personalities. No matter how many times he says ‘you’re better, because you’re my wife/real’ -it doesn’t take away the pain of seeing that he used to look at barely teenage girls and bestiality…
    No matter how good our relationship gets, no matter how nice he treats me, there is always a nagging underlying question ‘is it real?’ does he mean it? -and even if he means it when he says I love you (my husband is a Very well-meaning person, but rarely consistently keeps his word) it’s obviously not enough to do what it takes so he can stop hurting me…

  22. JulieSibert says:

    Thank you “mommy of his three boys” for your comment… I am so sorry for what you are going through.

    Would your husband be open to counseling? Even if he isn’t, I encourage you to go to counseling for yourself and/or to build some friendships with at least a few Christian women who will listen to you, pray with you and offer you godly counsel without judging your husband. You need support and encouragement as you navigate.

    You may also find the resources listed in the comment section of this post helpful: https://intimacyinmarriage.com/2012/01/19/husbands-porn-addiction-what-are-the-best-resources-to-help-a-wife-heal/

  23. David B says:

    I have read a study once that showed over 90% of the women in the porn industry were sexually abused when they were young. They are taught from an early age that they are an object in which people get to use for whatever sexual purpose they desire. I was sexually assaulted at a very young age and was addicted to porn for over 10 years. I even pondered entering into the porn industry. This addiction ran my life and destroyed much of it. Then I met Jesus Christ. I thought i was too dirty to be worthy, but He cleansed me of my filth. He died for every sin that I have committed. His grace led me into a life of recovery and faith in the risen Lord Jesus. He even gave me a wife and taught me that sex is a gift, just like my wife is, and be a wise steward of this gift. Jesus redeems, He can redeem a porn star, porn addict and every other sinner on the planet. Turn away from sin and trust in Him and you will have an abundant life, a life everlasting.

  24. jubilee says:

    To me, what porn is doing, is killing affection between the 13-30 year olds in public. It used to be, that men would put their arms around their girlfriends/wives shoulders. I havent’ seen that much even on Valentines Day! It could be where im living or from (bay area) on CAL Berkeley, i havent seen any teens/young adults kissing unless its the GIRL KISSING the GUY or hanging all over the guy and driving HIM around instead of the opposite. i used to want a boyfriend when i was younger because of the guys being affectionate to the girls (i’m 50+) I wonder if anyone else noticed this, or is it just my imagination;PORN KILLS INTIMACY!

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  26. AnnieRundle says:

    I wish this “letter” had not been written sarcastically. The bible talks about letting your words be what you mean. Having experienced a marriage destroyed by this very subject, I agree it’s devestating and no good can come from it. I would’ve liked a real letter that could be sent to those involved.

  27. I am but a germ of an Immortal being...a Genisis Wife says:

    I sat across from a beautiful woman who’s face was painted with the fear of what pornography has done to her husband this week,as he lead our Christian Homeschool Group. I could visiably see her fear….I know the look…it has to be the same face Eve made when she figured out she was naked…..Sin…it is a Sin that changed the leader of our households life forever too, Id whine about it ;But I am under strict orders to learn to be Joyfully Obediant……The Hardest part is Knowing I am supposed to be my husbands help meet & because of that One Sin was revealed ….a waterfall of Edenistic proportion became our undoing….Im not alowed to help..I must put God first…..learning the indicatives in Genesis, Praising with the knowledge God is merciful & provides for all our need…believe me when I say ; no matter how much fruit we eat….We are never Gonna have the Wisdom of God.

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