orgasm, passion, sexual intimacy, Uncategorized
What Are Your GOOD Triggers When It Comes to Sex?
May
I often have written and spoken about difficult triggers that impact sexual intimacy in marriage.
Even within a healthy marriage, difficult triggers can unintentionally stir painful memories from things in the past.
The most common are triggers that bring to mind past sexual abuse or body image struggles or promiscuity issues.
Within a caring marriage, when a husband and wife communicate openly about such triggers, they are in a better position to keep them in context and not allow them to sabotage intimacy in the marriage.
It definitely is important to shed light on difficult triggers. Today, though, I want to throw a little attention on GOOD sexual triggers!
What are some GOOD sexual triggers? They can be anything that bring to mind experiences that have been positive in your sexual history as husband and wife.
For example, if you once had an incredible sexual encounter while listening to a gentle rain right outside your window on vacation, then hearing a similar rain may bring that memory close.
Or maybe you had a playful mishap during a sexual encounter that is a sweet funny shared memory for the two of you—and even something quite innocuous can bring that memory right back to the forefront. I’ll share a personal example in this regard.
On our wedding night, we had a hotel suite that had a jacuzzi tub. My husband accidentally got a minor cut on his foot from the faucet of said tub. He still to this day talks about the poor design of the faucet that led to said mishap. So even though the minor cut wasn’t funny in and of itself, after all these years we still laugh about what we have come to refer to as “the great wedding night incident.” I think about it every time I see a jacuzzi tub in an ad or at a store.
Some married couples have super funny stories about being caught (or nearly caught) in compromising positions as they fooled around (like in a bathroom or closet at a party or while on vacation without remembering to put the “do not disturb” tag on the hotel door). Now every time they go on vacation, they have a funny “trigger” when they see the “do not disturb” tag.
And some married couples have triggers that spark memories of something profoundly romantic or passionate or pleasurable in their marital sexual history.
So what about in your marriage? Do you have some GOOD sexual triggers?
Are there words or visuals or experiences that when you stumble across them in a completely unrelated way instantly become a connect-the-dots sexual memory?
If so, what do you do with that? The hope is, of course, that you don’t miss the opportunity that GOOD sexual triggers offer. Not only can they be a sweet prompt to affirm each other and feel grateful for such shared sexual history, but they also can inspire you to act in the moment. Be sexually spontaneous!
If the gentle rain outside your window is getting you all hot and bothered, why let that moment pass without some action? Create another memory.
When Rand and I celebrate our 20th anniversary in a few years, I definitely think we need a hotel suite with a really nice jacuzzi tub. You know, just so we can have “the great anniversary night incident” that doesn’t involve any minor cuts!
Good sexual triggers, people. Good sexual triggers.
For more reading, you can cruise through my list of past posts, as well as my page with a bunch of posts on orgasm.
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Congratulations on 20 years. I’m coming up on 49. I have to share a memory, in some ways a trigger like your Jacuzzi one. About a year into our marriage, we took our first “out of town” trip down to the coast about five hours away. We were both working, both in college, and a three day trip was a BIG deal. We were to stay in my wife’s aunt’s place for one night, and she and her husband wanted to take us out to eat.
They wanted to make it a big deal, and unknown to us, they were taking us to this famous seafood restaurant that had an “all you can eat” shrimp special. They were very proud of this, and my wife and I were really just kids. She wouldn’t speak up and say, “I hate shrimp!” So, we ate.
She was so gorgeous that night, and she was flirting with me across the table, while also passing me her shrimp, surreptitiously under the table. Sometimes, it would be a “pass” and a hand squeeze and a wink. I still remember the evening, even now, especially what transpired after retiring for the night.
I think what happened is that the secrecy of passing me shrimp–she didn’t want to be rude of course–triggered the secrecy of the handholding and the flirting. It was “ours”–to be shared only between us. Later, this led to our first sexual encounter away from home, and also in her aunt’s house. There was a need to maintain quiet and secrecy, and the excitement of it is still a pleasure to remember.
Even now, (because I indeed do love shrimp), I will often say, “I think I’ll have shrimp on my salad.” She’ll wrinkle her nose and laugh, but she also gives me a look that shows she knows I’m remembering.