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I often have written and spoken about difficult triggers that impact sexual intimacy in marriage.
Even within a healthy marriage, difficult triggers can unintentionally stir painful memories from things in the past.
The most common are triggers that bring to mind past sexual abuse or body image struggles or promiscuity issues.
Within a caring marriage, when a husband and wife communicate openly about such triggers, they are in a better position to keep them in context and not allow them to sabotage intimacy in the marriage.
For example, if you once had an incredible sexual encounter while listening to a gentle rain right outside your window on vacation, then hearing a similar rain may bring that memory close.
Or maybe you had a playful mishap during a sexual encounter that is a sweet funny shared memory for the two of you—and even something quite innocuous can bring that memory right back to the forefront. I’ll share a personal example in this regard.
On our wedding night, we had a hotel suite that had a jacuzzi tub. My husband accidentally got a minor cut on his foot from the faucet of said tub. He still to this day talks about the poor design of the faucet that led to said mishap. So even though the minor cut wasn’t funny in and of itself, after all these years we still laugh about what we have come to refer to as “the great wedding night incident.” I think about it every time I see a jacuzzi tub in an ad or at a store.
Some married couples have super funny stories about being caught (or nearly caught) in compromising positions as they fooled around (like in a bathroom or closet at a party or while on vacation without remembering to put the “do not disturb” tag on the hotel door). Now every time they go on vacation, they have a funny “trigger” when they see the “do not disturb” tag.
And some married couples have triggers that spark memories of something profoundly romantic or passionate or pleasurable in their marital sexual history.
Are there words or visuals or experiences that when you stumble across them in a completely unrelated way instantly become a connect-the-dots sexual memory?
If so, what do you do with that? The hope is, of course, that you don’t miss the opportunity that GOOD sexual triggers offer. Not only can they be a sweet prompt to affirm each other and feel grateful for such shared sexual history, but they also can inspire you to act in the moment. Be sexually spontaneous!
If the gentle rain outside your window is getting you all hot and bothered, why let that moment pass without some action? Create another memory.
When Rand and I celebrate our 20th anniversary in a few years, I definitely think we need a hotel suite with a really nice jacuzzi tub. You know, just so we can have “the great anniversary night incident” that doesn’t involve any minor cuts!
Copyright 2020, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized. Never want to miss one of my posts? Subscribe via email on this page. And be sure to join my more than 10,000 followers on my Facebook page and 11,000 followers on Twitter.