Ahhh, it’s that time of year when our attention (and wallet!) turn toward gift giving.
Whether you’ve shopped some online or in person, my guess is you have pondered some on what to get your spouse.
Yes, tangible gifts can be amazing! But there are other gifts that can be equally or more transformational for your relationship. I encourage you to think about the gifts between you and your spouse that aren’t the type you wrap up with paper and bows.
As someone who has a heart for nurtured sexual intimacy in a marriage, I’m going to frame the below 3 gifts in that light. BUT I think they are marital gifts that extend far beyond the aspect of sex.
3 Unexpected Gifts Your Marriage Bed Needs Most
Do you give each other time for sexual intimacy? Is it a priority in your marriage?
So many things in our life have cues that remind us of their importance. If we have kids, they need to be to school by a certain time. Many workplaces require you show up on time. Even the shows and sporting events we watch on network TV start at specific times.
I could come up with a long list of “cues” that urge us to pay attention to things in our life. And if we don’t, there are consequences. If you forget to put the trash cans out on the curb, you have an extra week’s worth of trash to manage. If you’re late taking your kids to school, they may miss important assignments or have to stay after school. If you miss or show up late for an appointment, you may have a cancellation fee or the hassle of having to reschedule.
BUT sex in marriage isn’t like that.
It is much easier to forget to have sex, for lack of a better way of saying it. There is no bell or alert on our phone and no visual sign. It’s also easier to rationalize “not tonight,” because the consequences seem nil or next to none.
Time for sex, though, is one of the best gifts you can give each other. Sex may seem like something you can perpetually ignore or minimize, but doing so comes at great consequence.
Does your marriage bed need the gift of time?
If there are hurts and betrayals in your marriage, I’m not saying you should casually look beyond these, all in the name of “forgiveness.” What I am saying is that no matter the degree of sexual struggles or strife, your marriage deserves what it takes for the two of you to heal.
That may include some intensive work (individually and as a couple). Or it may simply mean some heart reflection where you take stock of where you have been lackadaisical with intimacy. The forgiveness most needed may be in the way you forgive yourself.
Whether unresolved sexual struggles are big or small, they can fester and spur resentment that rarely dissipates all on its own. If anything, the chasm between the two of you will likely only deepen and widen.
And nothing good can come from that for your relationship or your marriage bed.
Where do the two of you need to extend and receive forgiveness—and then resolve together to be better stewards of your sexual intimacy?
Does your marriage bed need the gift of forgiveness?
I will argue there isn’t a husband or wife who hasn’t at some point “gone through the motions” sexually. I know I have, and I bet you have, too. Who among us hasn’t occasionally been too tired, too distracted or too frustrated relationally—and sex in those moments isn’t quite as stellar as it has been in other moments.
So hear my heart when I say I know we aren’t always on our A-game when we make love.
Unfortunately, for some couples, the occasional going through the motions can turn into the rule rather than the rare exception. And before long, one or both spouses just isn’t showing up. They aren’t present in their lovemaking. They aren’t intentional in the nuances, touches and connection that make sex an incredible experience of pleasure and oneness.
Does your marriage bed need the gift of presence?
The above are just three gifts. Maybe your marriage bed most needs the gift of adventure. Or of fun. Maybe it needs the gift of better communication.
As you think of gifts, remember that this is the person with whom you fell in love and committed to a life together.
What are the unexpected gifts your marriage bed needs most?
Copyright 2020, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.