I definitely was not a good steward of sex in my first marriage.
And there have been times in my current marriage when my stewardship skills have been subpar. (Same could be said of my husband. We are equal opportunity disappointers).
But this truth never waivers—when we are good stewards of our sexual intimacy, my husband and I do better overall in our relationship.
It isn’t just about the sex. It’s never just about the sex.
But take the sex out, and the negative impact on our marriage is palpable. I can feel it at my core. And I know I’m not alone in that experience.
I hear from countless people and talk with friends about what happens when either there is a dry spell in the intimacy or a drift away from intimacy. There is this universal sense that when one or both spouses desires nurtured intimacy—but it has been thwarted or stalled in the marriage—the marriage suffers.
There is a loss of genuine camaraderie. There sometimes is diminished trust. And I hear from both men and women who begin to question their self worth when their spouse doesn’t desire them sexually.
So it stands to reason the opposite delivers truth as well.
When we are intentional about being good stewards of sex in marriage, there is a positive ripple effect. And I feel it at more core. More oneness. More peace. Less shifting sand beneath the relationship.
Stewardship may seem like an odd word to use when talking about sex. We tend to think of stewardship as a money term, especially in Christian circles. But stewardship is simply taking care of something—time, money, relationships, resources, emotional energy, physical energy.
We are constantly stewarding things in our lives, but we don’t think of it that way. We spend a lifetime, though, making judgment calls about how we organize our days…day in and day out.
We spend a lifetime figuring out something is a greater priority than another something.
Are you and your spouse good stewards of sex in your marriage? Do you tend it the way you tend other things you’ve deemed worthy of your effort? And if you’re not good stewards, are you willing to learn how to be?
The learning curve can be steep. I know. And whether you find it discouraging or inspiring, it’s a learning curve we ride for all of marriage—this journey of figuring out how to steward sexual intimacy in our relationship.
But my hope for you is my hope for my husband and me as well. That we would not lose sight of what happens in a good way to our marriage when we are intentional about stewarding sex well.
And don’t forget. It isn’t just about the sex. It’s never just about the sex.
Copyright 2020, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.