If you’ve perused my blog for any length of time, you’ll recall I believe whole heartedly that a lot—and I mean a lot—of fabulous sex can be had in 20 minutes.
I point this out because I think the excuse “there’s no time for sex” is never quite as true as some people try to make it out to be.
That being said, I also am a fan of drawn-out lovemaking.
Have you considered what you and your spouse can sexually do to each other and with each other when you have more than 20 minutes? If you want a stronger sexual connection in your marriage, occasionally have extended lovemaking sessions.
And by “extended,” I’m still not talking all night (unless you’re up for that sort of thing!) Drawn-out lovemaking can mean 45 minutes, an hour or 90 minutes. This is still a relatively short period of time in the overall scheme of things, but it can feel radically more enticing and passionate than a quickie after one of the late shows.
For most couples, extended lovemaking does take a little more planning. But it’s worth it! You’ll be able to better focus and enjoy this time together if you have a reserve of physical and emotional energy. So plan accordingly, my friends. Express in advance your desire for more time, and then work together to make that a reality.
Sure, extended lovemaking sessions can happen spontaneously (Been there. Enjoyed that!) But more often than not, I think you have to plan ahead. Most of us have hectic lives, whether it be with work responsibilities, kids, activities, and…well…life in general. So just set your heart and mind in motion earlier in the day and communicate with each other.
And then go to bed BEFORE the late show. Maybe way before.
What are the advantages of taking more time to connect sexually?
Well, there’s foreplay. More of it, that is. I love foreplay, and the more of it there is, the more connected I feel to my husband and the more intense and frequent my orgasms are when we make love.
When you have more time, you also have more room to try new touches, techniques and positions. There’s more freedom to improvise sexually and to linger in the arousal as it ebbs and flows and intensifies.
Another huge advantage of extended lovemaking is it gives you space to truly engage with each other. When you carve out extended time and have the emotional and physical energy to devote to each other sexually, you’re less distracted. The noise of life feels a bit more distant.
There’s just something about sequestering yourselves away—away from what pulls on you outside the bedroom door.
I mentioned more foreplay helping intensify your orgasm. The same can be said of intercourse, too, as well as other ways you may climax or help your spouse climax.
When you approach lovemaking without feeling rushed or trapped by a clock, you can master the art of bringing your spouse right to the edge of orgasm… and then backing off a little…and then amping up the arousal again. Doing this at least a few times (preferably more!) when making love will likely result in an incredible orgasm.
And who doesn’t want to have an incredible orgasm?!
Now I know that you don’t always have the time for extended lovemaking. You don’t always have the energy or the time to spend an hour or two enthralled with each other’s touch and passion (Thus my diligence in championing that a lot of great sex can be had in 20 minutes and tossing to the side the excuse “there’s no time for sex.”)
BUT my heart is that you occasionally will engage with each other sexually for a longer period of time. It’s one of the best ways to build a stronger sexual connection in your marriage. It’s one of the best ways to know each other, not just sexually but also relationally.
I love 20-minute sex. I do. But I have deeper appreciation for what happens to my marriage when my husband and I have more than 20 minutes. So we occasionally make room for more time. And our marriage is richer because of it.
What about you? How often do you devote an extended period of time to make love?
Copyright 2020, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.