Intimacy in Marriage

BETTER Sex in Your Christian Marriage

This Might Surprise You About Me

chivalry-in-marriageFirst, let’s start with what wouldn’t surprise you about me.

I’m about 95 percent open book.

For example, anyone who gets to know me for even a short period of time learns pretty quickly that I’m not too interested in surfacey relationships.

I crave depth and authenticity. Once I experience genuine connection and vulnerability with someone, I’m all in. For the good times. The hard times. The long haul. 

Another example—I like books. Yes, the open book person literally is a book person. Love books. Nearly all the books I own are non-fiction, with quite a few on sexual intimacy. So that will be fun for my boys some day—having to dig through their elderly mother’s stuff and hopefully find a good place to donate a bunch of sex books.

Coolest. Mom. Ever.

I’m also a bit of a self-improvement junkie. Now don’t get me wrong. I love the Lord and in no way do I think anything I do is without His steadfast presence and underpinning. I simply am one who likes to seek out material that encourages me. I probably have more motivational books, quote books and self-improvement books than one person really needs. But I love them!

I’m sure there is a bunch of other stuff in the 95 percent that wouldn’t surprise you about me. You’d hear me say something or see me do something or watch what I give for gifts and you would think, “Yeah, that makes sense. That seems so Julie.”

As for the other 5 percent, well we can lob into that some random stuff that people find surprising and fascinating. Random things like…

I had a mild stroke when I was 19.

I interviewed President John F. Kennedy’s personal secretary Evelyn Lincoln in 1993.

I’ve been to massage therapy school.

When I was growing up, my dad flew a hot air balloon.

Random stuff.

But there is something that I think would surprise a lot of people about me.

Even though I am fairly independent, confident and forthcoming, I also am quite the fan of chivalry. Some people think chivalry is old fashioned or a slight to womanhood, but I don’t see it that way at all. Notice I said I am a fan of chivalry, not of chauvinism. There’s a difference.

I find chivalry quite sexy. When my husband and I were on our first date, he did something without saying one word and it’s probably fair to say I started to fall deeply in love with him right then.

We were walking on a paved path in a park and coming toward us was a park employee in a motorized cart. I was on Randy’s left, meaning I was closer to the middle of the path.

Without saying a word, Randy stepped behind me and put his left hand on my left hip and gently moved me to the outside of the path. He didn’t even skip a beat in our conversation. He simply put himself in the more direct path of harm’s way, if something with the motorized cart would have gone awry and come toward us.

So sexually appealing. So romantic. 

So endearing.

I was thinking about chivalry when I watched the movie “Notting Hill” recently. It is about a famous actress named Anna Scott (played by Julia Roberts) who falls in love with a bookstore owner named William Thacker (played by Hugh Grant). The gist of a the story is a famous person and a not famous person grappling with the complexities of such a relationship.

Being an A-List celebrity, Anna commands her life and the screen and is in so many ways incredibly independent and bold. No wonder the director and casting professionals pegged Julia Roberts for this role.

Yet there is this well-known scene where we see a particularly vulnerable side of her (which I actually think is a beautiful display of courage). 

She goes to his bookstore, and after he shares his reservations about any relationship they would have going forward, she tenderly and tentatively says this… 

“And don’t forget… I’m also just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.”

It’s a small scene. And if I’m honest, the part of me that loves chivalry wishes the movie would have ended right there, with William taking her confidently in his arms, reciprocating her for her courageous declaration of love.

That’s not what happened, though. We had to wait till the end of the movie to get a better appreciation for things working out. Now I know that “Notting Hill” is a romantic chick flick. I get that it is dripping with a lot of inappropriate stuff and more than a fair amount of romantic liberty. 

It begs of us to have suspension of disbelief.

But for my purposes here, I want to just talk about that isolated scene.

“And don’t forget… I’m also just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.”

She wants to be taken by him. She wants the chivalry. (Look at me. I’m a screenwriter.)

I can identify with the feeling of wanting to be taken in a chivalrous sort of way. There are moments when I am completely drawn to the chivalry in my marriage. My husband’s manliness. The control. The whatever-you-want-to-call-it.

When my husband on our first date put his left hand on my left hip and moved me in a way that he could better protect me, I didn’t just appreciate that. I was drawn to that.

So for all my independence and confidence and forthcoming approach to life, it may surprise you how much I love chivalry. How much I love at times being led.

I’m just a girl. Standing in front of a boy. Asking him to love her.

For more reading, you can cruise through my list of past posts, as well as my page with a bunch of posts on orgasm.

Copyright 2020, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.

Never want to miss one of my posts?  Subscribe via email on this page.  And be sure to join my more than 10,000 followers on my Facebook page and 11,000 followers on Twitter.

June 29th, 2020 by