Want Great Sex in Marriage? Do These Things.


married-couples-who-have-great-sexMy heart is to reach people who want to be reached on this topic of sex in marriage. I’m guessing that is why you are on this page right now. 

You either have great sex already in your marriage and you want it be even better, or you have sexual struggle in your marriage— and you want that to be better.

You’re here because you want to experience all marriage has to offer, including an authentic and enjoyable sexual connection with your spouse.

I’m here because I want that for you, too.

Why do some married couples have great sex?

My observation (well…not literal observation…but you know what I mean) is that the couples experiencing authentic intimacy truly do a few key things differently from those who do not experience great sex. For a solid analogy, think of financial stability.

We all know people—and maybe we are some of those people—who manage finances in a way that reduces or eliminates the common money stressors that so many others face. They do things differently with money, and they experience the positive benefits as a result. That Dave Ramsey guy clearly is on to something, right? He helps people do things differently with money.

Same with couples having great sex. They do things differently. They do these things…

Talk about their intimacy

Communication is often hailed as the linch pin to anything worthwhile in a relationship. There’s a reason for that. We know that couples who talk vulnerably, respectfully and frequently about things affecting their relationship tend to do better than couples whose communication is marred by ignoring, downplaying, manipulating or belittling.

Authentic and passionate sexual intimacy is much more likely when a husband and wife are intentional in their communication about sex.

Make sex a priority

Speaking of being intentional, that too is what sets couples apart. The ones experiencing great sex are intentional in their intimacy. They do make time. They don’t just “wait” for perfect conditions; but rather they enjoy sex amidst life’s imperfections and messiness. They also learn from each other what is sexually arousing and pleasurable.

Rather than come up with excuse after excuse as to why not to have sex, the couples with healthy sexual intimacy don’t let excuses rule the narrative.

Believe what God says about married sex, rather than what mainstream society says

The undertone throughout society and mainstream entertainment is that all the single people have hot enjoyable sex and all the married folks have boring obligatory sex (if they’re having sex at all). These scenarios are offered up various ways—humorously, subtly, blatantly, graphically.

But the married couples who have great sex aren’t buying it. They believe what God says about married sex—that it is passionate, holy, and worthy of pursuit. They believe and behave in a way that the best sex is monogamous sex within a loving and committed marriage.

Address sexual struggles

It’s not that married couples who have great sex don’t hit roadblocks, because trust me, they do. It’s what they do in the face of such challenges that sets them apart from married couples stuck in sexual lethargy.

Couples who have great sex address their sexual struggles, including any past sexual experiences or skewed engrained messages that have thwarted a healthy sexual connection. They don’t pretend the struggles will just go away or that the struggles don’t matter. And they recognize that healing sexual disconnect is a messy, messy undertaking… definitely a “2-steps-forward-1-step-back” sort of thing.

But they hang in there anyway and keep chipping away at the struggles, finding their way back to each other sexually.

As husband and wife, if you want to have great sex in your marriage, the above four things will bank the odds in your favor.

I know there isn’t anything easy about all of the above. In fact, more often than not, ALL of the above take concerted effort and emotional investment. But ultimately, as a couple you have to decide if you want great sexual intimacy. Or intimacy that falls short.

For more reading, you can cruise through my list of past posts, as well as my page with a bunch of posts on orgasm.

Copyright 2020, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.

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4 thoughts on “Want Great Sex in Marriage? Do These Things.

  1. Troy says:

    Absolutely! You have to really want something to get that. It takes discipline but, oh the rewards. 😉

  2. A says:

    I can tell by how and what you write you personally are growing by lifes ups and down. It’s called life among the thorns. That’s how God regulates our growth. The goal in life is not to find the altimate. If your goal in life is to find a place of bliss you will end up in a place of hiss. If you live life too busy you will find kind of messy. I just visited a Godly 92 year old he lost his wife 10 years ago. When you visit elderly people always allow them to choice the topics. Because hes Godly hes able to speak about life among the thorn. Some good some heart wrenching. Like losing his sweetheart. Work hard for what’s eternal. Accept what you find unacceptable. Refuse the things that will destroy you. Enjoy the things God meant for pleasure. Be patient with those with limited understanding as yet. Distance yourself from what is evil. Give thanks in knowing the best is yet to come. A

  3. Running Deeper says:

    We live in a broken, fallen world and this means dealing with broken people. I’m one of them. BUT, we also live in a world where God longs and desires to be our healer and restorer. I simply need to get to that place where I’m willing to open up those hurts and disappointments to Him and allow Him to begin that healing process. I find it’s much like marriage. Communication is vitally important, vulnerability is too.

    Love covers over a multitude of sins and I am in awe at how God continually forgives me and covers over my wrong. I’m indebted to Him. I’m also indebted to my wife who loves me like Jesus loves me. Without a growing love which is expressed freely it is hard to experience an authentic, growing, intimate marriage.

    My wife and I are seeking to constantly challenge each other to go deeper and to reacher for higher heights in the Lord and in our own relationship. One challenge we gave ourselves, in our sexual relationship, is to go for 100 days of sex. We are on day 17! 😀 As we snuggled up in bed this morning we reflected over these past few days. We shared what we’re discovering about our own bodies, each others bodies, any struggles and reaffirmed our commitment to keep going. It means being very intentional about each encounter so that it doesn’t become a “to do” list but rather “I really want and desire this” list. It’s amazing how this commitment is affecting every other area of our relationship. I am honestly growing more in love with the love of my life.

    Blogs like your, Julie, are helping us to keep moving forward with confidence, eagerness and a whole lot of fun!

  4. A says:

    Do you know this peace. Your heart is at peace total peace. Jesus is right next to you as you ride the waves. He smiles at you and says the best is yet to come. People need the Lord. People fear when this new peace is introduced. Because to realize without Him we have reason to fear.

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