Do You Remember What Attracted You to Each Other in the First Place?


initial-attractionIf you’ve been hanging around my blog for the past few months, you know that my husband and I have had two huge stressors that have consumed our lives, not to mention sabotaged a lot of our intimacy along the way.

We are fine, in that our marriage is stable. We are deeply committed. We did make love last night, and for that little respite of tender and distraction-free togetherness, I am beyond grateful.

But overall, our current life situation has left us exhausted. Like more exhausted than when we had a newborn. That level of exhaustion. And we are way older than when we had a newborn, so there’s that factor too.

Nothing like a pandemic thrown into the mix just to keep things interesting…and to remind me how ill-equipped I am to suddenly have to homeschool our 15-year-old.

There’s a funny video going around on social media of this woman who is praying… “Father God, I am your humble servant. What I am NOT… is a math teacher. Lord God, I am a layman in your vineyard. What I am NOT… is a cafeteria lady.”


As I was pondering my circumstances as of late, I found myself reflecting on what it felt like when my husband and I were dating and falling in love…what it felt like to have the time and margin and energy and focus to discover what we found attractive in each other.

We are coming up on 17 years of marriage, which I can’t even believe. I mean, I can believe we made it this far. That’s not the unbelievable part. Although, if you knew in detail some of what we have gone through, it is kind of a miracle that we are staring at 17.

But I digress.

It’s been a long time since those days of falling in love. As I was thinking about our attraction for each other (emotional, physical and spiritual), I felt a glimmer of joy believing that some day our circumstances won’t be so taxing.

What we are enduring right now will subside.

And we will be able to once again focus on each other with at least some of the intensity we poured into our dating days and early marriage days. That is my belief and hope. It is a sustaining comfort for me.

What about you? Do you remember what attracted you to each other in the first place?

It’s worth revisiting, you know. Worth rekindling. Don’t wait for horrendously hard and exhausting stressors to nudge you into a place of reflection.

For more reading, you can cruise through my list of past posts, as well as my page with a bunch of posts on orgasm.

And I have a 5 video series available on building better sex in your marriage. Great way to invest in your marriage!  You can find out all about it at this link:  Better Sex in Your Christian Marriage.

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4 thoughts on “Do You Remember What Attracted You to Each Other in the First Place?

  1. Alex says:

    This is gonna sound shallow but the absolute initial attraction I had to my wife–and this was before any words were spoken between us–was my feeling that she was absolutely beautiful. So graceful, too. And her ass was sheer perfection. I found her beauty stunning. Weeks after I first saw her we finally started talking and by that time I was so in love with her. Now 25 years later, I still tell her how beautiful she is and what a great ass she has. She loves it.

  2. David says:

    I was 20 and stupid as I was focused on my wife’s beauty and “assets”, sure she was sweet, but it took me “forever” to discover how beautiful her heart and mind is.

    As I reflect back 40 years and the many “stressors” and setbacks we’ve endured I can honestly say I’m blessed that we are together.

    When spouses are surrounded by indescribable stressors, (with God’s help) is when they can realize they have each other.

    It’s “Us” against the world, instead of each other, where she has my back and I have hers in order to have a 360 degree vantage point.

    None of us can fathom the level of stress or emotional fatigue that others endure, but we can openly pray for one another.

    When do need to pray for one another. We do need to experience an emotional break so God can give us the proper vision on how we are to address pressing matters.

    We know resolutions are in the horizon, some of which we may not control, but God can sooth our minds enough so we can sleep at night.

    Lord God I pray, to surround all of us, with a protective hedge over all of us, as we sojourn through emotionally exhausting and physically demanding peaks and valley’s of life. Whether they are stimulated by things out of our control (or things we do control) that you fill the “mental hole” with your unending love until the hole is covered all the way to the surface.

    I hope all of us can focus on 1 Corinthians 13:13 “Now these three remain: faith, hope and love. The greatest of these is Love”

    The one thing God can help us control, is how we are suppose to think and communicate in adverse times. If we can embrace God’s teaching to be loving (especially with our spouses) even when we are surrounded by an angry, hateful world, we’ll have more inner solitude. As a result we’ll have softer thoughts in our minds. We can spread God’s love with kinder words to sooth ourselves and in turn sooth the hearts and minds of those we come into contact.

    In life we can instinctively put the breaks on immediately when the light turns yellow, which prevent auto accidents. When we can use those same instincts in life with our spouses, to immediately put the emotional brakes on together and enter through the inner-section of life together, at the safest possible moment.

    In essence, when one spouse or the other (or both) can have thought provoking dialogue to agree to putting the emotional brakes when we are in trying times, we are protecting one another from running a red light and becoming severely wounded or emotionally dying, but instead we are stimulating one another’s mind.

    Besides getting into God’s word and discovering verses on being more loving in a trying and sometimes a hateful world. or doing taxes and other pressing things and cuddling at night with my wife, or watching a movie or Hawaii Life on HGTV, our household has learned to play Nintendo Switch Mario Kart,, haha

    I’d also recommend watching the newer film Midway in bed with your spouse. It’s a historic and accurate portrayal of the Battle of Midway that forever changed our history. There are realistic scenes where the viewer can feel like a young brave pilot is a dive-bomber in the flight path of heavy artillery fire.

    In the news it is reported that our nation is practicing social distancing and isolation and treating Corona like we are in War-time.

  3. Jim says:

    What attracted me to my wife was her beautiful radiant smile ….which after 44 years of marriage she still has! She was and is a woman of faith and has helped me in my Christian walk. We cannot believe how these years have flown by! Today was a very meaning Easter…she celebrated her 66th birthday and her first birthday ever in “quarantine”.

  4. Priscilla says:

    I am 4 years in marriage and facing a very difficult time. Praying to God to help restore our intimacy and attraction to each other. I want to also experience 20,30,40 years of marital Bliss someday.

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