Each time my husband and I go to a wedding, I want to pull the couple aside during the reception and give them at least a few helpful tips on what it takes to have great sex in marriage.
This seems wildly inappropriate. I know. Even for someone like me who is a poster child for talking about healthy sexual intimacy.
But why does it seem inappropriate? Isn’t that part of the problem — that we collectively as the body of believers haven’t done a stellar job generating authentic dialogue about sex, which is such a vital part of marriage?
Shouldn’t we be as comfortable encouraging a newly married couple in their sexual intimacy as we are in the way we encourage them about their financial management or their time management or their prayer life or their ability to prioritize date night?
Did anyone tell you early in your marriage what it takes to have great sex?
If I randomly asked 100 Christian married couples, “What kind of helpful advice did you get about sex when you were newly married?”, I think the silence would hang heavy in the room. (Although that gives me an idea for a blog post or book. I should start randomly asking this question.)
Fortunately, sex has become less of a taboo topic in Christian circles, thanks to the efforts of bloggers, authors and speakers who continue to champion the case for healthy sexual intimacy.
My fellow sex champions and I definitely recognize that as far as authentic dialogue and genuine willingness to address sexual struggles go, things are moving in the right direction among Christians (even if we humbly recognize at the same time that there is still a long way to go).
How can we all become better about talking about sex? Maybe a great place for you to start is within your circle of influence.
If you are a wife reading this post, could you go through a book with a group of other wives? Below are a few I would recommend:
Hot, Holy and Humorous: Sex in Marriage by God’s Design by J. Parker
Awaken Love: The Truth about Sex that Will Transform Your Marriage by Ruth Buezis
The Sexually Confident Wife by Shannon Ethridge
Passion Pursuit: What Kind of Love are You Making? by Linda Dillow and Dr. Juli Slattery
The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex by Sheila Wray Gregoire
As husbands, could you gather other husbands and go through one of the below books?
And of course there are books you as a husband and wife could go through:
Pursuit of Passion by me and Jeff Murphy
Sheet Music by Dr. Kevin Leman
Pillow Talk by J. Parker
Lovemaking by Dr. Dan and Linda Wilson
Turn Up the Heat by Dr. Kevin Leman
When Two Become One by Christopher and Rachel McCluskey
If no one told you what it takes to make sex great, you’re not alone. The good news is that there’s no better time than now to start learning.
We can’t change the past, but we can grow going forward. And we can be positive voices for sexual intimacy to newly-married couples. Maybe you’ll be the one to tell a young couple what it takes to have great sex in marriage.
Copyright 2019, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.