Do you know what too many husbands and wives ignore or downplay that could make sexual intimacy in marriage better?
The wife’s orgasm.
Sadly, it often is the wife downplaying it, believing her own sexual pleasure doesn’t matter at all.
Or she gives it a shrug-of-the-shoulders attitude. “Meh. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, oh well.”
When this attitude from either the wife or the husband blankets the marriage bed, is it any wonder women just go through the motions sexually? Her normal becomes having sex AND picking out new paint colors for the ceiling at the same time.
Women, if you are reading this and you indeed have downplayed or dismissed the value of your orgasm, take a breath and think about that for a moment. Is there a man alive who would have sex on a consistent basis if he wasn’t climaxing?
I’m going to go a hard no on that.
So where did this double standard creep into our marital narrative? When did we put a higher necessity and value on a husband coming and not give equal attention to what the wife’s intense sexual pleasure means to the marriage?
We certainly did not get it from the Bible.
For one thing (and I admit, this seems crazily obvious, but still many people cruise past it), GOD designed orgasm for BOTH a woman and a man. The clitoris serves no other purpose but sexual pleasure in a woman, and it was our Creator who purposefully and intentionally included that in His design. So obviously God Himself is pro-orgasm for the wife and the husband.
Also, when we dig into Deuteronomy 24:5, 1 Corinthians 7, and all of Song of Songs, we get these incredible reminders that sexual pleasure isn’t just for the guy.
Orgasm is unlike any other feeling, meant as a blessing for a husband and a wife.
If you have downplayed the significance of the wife’s orgasm, think for a moment why you feel that way. Did you get that idea from messages you received while growing up? What about from society or your circle of friends? Maybe you have heard it within your own marriage, where one of you has implied or outright said that the husband’s orgasm is the end goal in this encounter.
But what if both a husband’s and wife’s sexual pleasure mattered? How could this revolutionize a marriage for the better?
Here are three things that likely would happen…
1. She will look forward to sex and pursue it.
Once a woman discovers how incredible an orgasm feels within the context of deep abiding love, and she experiences this every (or nearly every) time she and her husband make love, she is way more likely to look forward to sex and pursue it.
Sex without pleasure on a regular basis becomes so boring. And who among us gets excited about something that is boring?
If you want sex to be something you savor and hold in high regard, rather than a task to simply get through, then you’ll take this orgasm matter to heart.
2. She will be more confident and assertive in bed.
Sexual confidence is hot. It is a big turn on for a wife to be sexually confident, because she embraces the power and freedom she has to not only enjoy her own sexual pleasure, but also to bring tremendous pleasure to her husband.
A wife’s sexual confidence also is arousing for a husband. He wants a wife who wants to be there and knows what to do once she’s there.
As a wife, it is much easier to be sexually confident when you better understand your own body and you view your sexual pleasure as something worthy of attention.
3. The couple will grow in their oneness.
Sexual intimacy between a husband and wife was never meant to be merely physical. Something else is going on there, right? A lot of somethings actually. Profound oneness spiritually, emotionally and physically intensifies when a husband and wife both genuinely enjoy their sexual connection.
I can already hear a lot of you saying that often a wife not experiencing orgasm isn’t for lack of want, but rather lack of understanding of how to experience it. If that describes your situation, you are not alone.
Also, if you are struggling having an orgasm, a few things to remember. Sex scenes in movies have led us to believe that a woman’s pleasure “just happens” without much communication (and always through missionary position). But real life rarely mirrors make believe.
Your clitoris likely needs more stimulation than you or your husband realize, and you may have to try a variety of positions, touches and techniques to bring you to orgasm. You need to let him know what feels good, and if you are a husband reading this, you need to invite her feedback and listen to it.
Also, don’t underestimate the role foreplay plays. Sure, a quickie every now and then is okay, but most couples would agree that they up the odds immensely for off-the-charts sexual pleasure when they become masters of really good foreplay.
Be sure to check out the orgasm page, as well as these posts:
Copyright 2019, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.