I was going to start (and finish) this post by simply writing…
“Want to make your bedroom a great place for sex? Have more sex in there!”
But I’m guessing you were looking for a little more than that.
Just know, though, that if you are looking for decorating tips on turning your bedroom into a sensual boudoir, then I’m not your gal.
(I still have carpet in my living room from the 1980s, people. And my kitchen floor looks like the BEFORE photo on one of those remodel shows. Alas, if only Property Brothers could choose my house.)
Lack of decorating tips aside, hang in there with me. Those of you who know me probably won’t be shocked by my advice, but here goes.
What makes your bedroom a great place for sex is your attitude. I do have some atmosphere tips, mind you, but they all become secondary to what I see as the most important thing to bring into your bedroom — a healthy desire for sexual intimacy.
Put a pin in that, because I’m going to come back to it, right after I give you these five atmosphere tips.
1. Minimize clutter.
I’m not going to say clear the clutter completely, because I’m a realist, people. I know that your bedroom can be a bit of a catch-all for projects and loose ends that don’t have a good place elsewhere to live (especially if your house is small).
Even so, the more you can organize what you do have in there, the better. You don’t have to Marie Kondo the place (you know, hold every item contemplatively and determine if it brings you joy). But a little tidying never hurt anyone.
The advantage sexually of minimizing clutter is it is just less distracting. Fewer distractions visually segues well to more focus on passionate lovemaking. Who really wants to be in the throes of sexual ecstasy, only to glance over and see a child’s half-completed egg carton alligator art project on the bed stand? Not me. And I’m guessing not you either.
2. Buy a good bed.
Someday I’m going to write an entire post on the advantage of a decent bed. We bought a memory foam bed about eight years ago, and we still lay on that thing and say, “Best. Decision. Ever!”
There are so many options for decent mattresses these days, and nearly all of them come with a guarantee. If you decide within the first 60-100 days (or sometimes more!) that you don’t like it, you can return it. Yes, I know a mattress can be pricey. If you can’t afford it right now, then start saving. Your sexual intimacy with your spouse (not to mention your back in general) will thank you.
3. Invest in some decent sheets and change them at least once a week.
There’s just something about clean sheets. And as far as “decent” sheets, don’t be fooled into thinking a super high thread count is always better. Key is to find a material and feel and durability that you and your spouse like.
Fortunately, in the world of Amazon, you can do a bit of research by reading reviews. If you live near big box stores (like Bed Bath and Beyond), you can actually look closer at the sheets and how they are made.
By putting clean sheets on your bed once a week, you not only bless yourself and your husband, you also place a value on what your bed represents — the gift of sleep and the gift of sex!
4. Ditch the TV.
Blasphemy. Did I just say banish the TV from your bedroom?! What?!!
Okay, I know this is a long shot if you are super duper accustomed to having a TV in your bedroom (or if your spouse is), but I couldn’t not mention it.
I’m not a fan of a TV in the bedroom, because I’m kind of a purist. I think a couple’s bedroom should be primarily for sleeping, talking and sex. (And the place you put all the coats during Thanksgiving dinner).
Anyway. If you can’t get rid of the TV completely, at least try to minimize how much you watch it while in bed.
5. Kick the kids out of your bed.
Sure, a kid is going to end up in your bed inevitably if they are sick or scared. I get that. But on a regular basis, like night after night, from the time they are a toddler to the late grade school years?
Yeah, I’m going to go a hard no on that.
I just think a husband and a wife need some place in the house that is just about the two of them as a couple, not as parents. If you want your bedroom to be more conducive to sex with somewhat decent frequency, then your kids can’t be sleeping with you.
I realize this is my opinion and many may disagree with me, but my experience has been in talking with couples that when the kids are in the parents’ bed night after night, only one parent is on board with that scenario. Food for thought. Talk amongst yourselves.
BONUS TIP: Install a lock on your bedroom door.
A good lock on your bedroom door can help lower inhibitions and calm fears that a little tyke or an oblivious teenager is going to walk in on you during sex.
We were walked in on ONCE (We must have been so ravaged with ripping each other’s clothes off that neither of us locked the door. It’s kind of a funny story, which I told in the post The Sad Little Lock Someone Forgot to Use. I also wrote an equally funny post years before the walked-in-on incident, and you can find that post here.)
Okay, there are all your atmosphere tips on making your bedroom a great place for sex. And now just a moment on this whole idea that attitude makes all the difference.
Life is messy. There are always going to be more tasks on the to-do list than can get done in one day. Laundry piles up. Dogs need to be fed and empty fridges replenished. Children need care and job responsibilities can create stress.
So you have to decide.
You have to decide what kind of attitude you are going to bring into your intimacy at the end of the day (or whenever you are anticipating making love). My husband and I have had some profound sexual intimacy, and all those encounters happened when our bedroom was a bit disheveled before we even arrived on the scene.
Sometimes you have to push the laundry off the bed and decide that sexually connecting with your spouse is the best choice in the moment.
The room itself isn’t what makes the sex great. But the attitude? Well, that can be a game changer in the most passionate of ways.
Copyright 2019, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.