What Do You CRAVE Sexually?

It is a worthy question. What do you crave sexually in your marriage bed?

Sadly, “crave” in a sexual sense is a word we may too easily associate with sinful sexual desires rather than holy ones.

But there is holy sexual craving!

There is sexual craving crafted by God, not by the world. (Hang tight with me for a moment, because I’m going to talk more about those holy sexual cravings).

Lest you think I’m wrought with naivety on the state of some marriages, I know that some of you don’t crave anything sexually, beyond wanting to be left alone. And some of you are craving sexual intimacy in the right context, but you have a spouse who doesn’t share that vision.

For many of you reading this, sexual intimacy in your marriage is skewed and marked by miscommunication and discouragement, and for that I am deeply saddened.

I’m trying to be a shedder of light here; trying to inch you as my readers closer to understanding holy sexual craving.

Maybe such an understanding will help marriages start to heal. Or maybe it will simply reassure some of you that the God-designed sexual connection you long for with the person you married is indeed justified and genuine.

What do you crave sexually? And what is a holy sexual craving, anyway?

I know I crave quite a bit sexually with the man I married, and those cravings, when brought to fruition, say more about God’s heart for sex in marriage than anything we could come up with on our own.

Do you crave your spouse desiring you?

Do you crave the freedom of sexually pleasing the person you married?

Do you crave your spouse pursuing you sexually?

Do you crave your spouse responding with enthusiasm to your sexual initiation?

Do you crave what it feels like when your spouse climaxes?

Do you crave the safety of an exclusive sexual relationship in your marriage?

Do you crave the connection from sex that goes way beyond sex? The way it softens you to one another, helps you be on the same page, and brings more harmony to your home?

As a husband, do you crave what it feels like to climax within your wife?

As a wife, do you crave what it feels like to have an orgasm with your husband, whether it be through intercourse, or the touch of his hands, his tongue, his body?

Do you crave the reassurance that comes from sexually connecting with the person you’re doing life with?

Do you crave foreplay?

Do you crave not just the physical oneness, but also the emotional and spiritual oneness, that comes from making love?

Do you crave being naked with your spouse?

Do you crave more passionate sex in your marriage and less “going through the motions” sex?

Do you crave the privilege of bringing your spouse indescribable sexual pleasure?

Do you crave the exhilaration of subtle sexual touch and suggestion when you are clothed?

Do you crave having fun during sex?

Do you crave the vulnerability of being able to express what turns each of you on?

Do you crave your spouse being your lover, not just your partner in life?

Do you crave being confident in sexually pursuing and enjoying your spouse?

Do you crave being sexually known by your spouse?

If you answered “yes” to any of the above questions, your sexual cravings are aligned with God’s heart. And though a list of cravings can’t solve our sexual struggles, such a list can enlighten us to where we can grow.

I’m just a shedder of light.  Just trying shed light, people.

What do you crave sexually?

Copyright 2017, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.

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16 thoughts on “What Do You CRAVE Sexually?

  1. Chuck Arnold says:

    A great thought provoking article Julie. You have now given permission that many were wondering, “Is this OK?” Thanks for pushing the boundaries of Christian Sexuality.

  2. Larry B says:

    Excellent and comprehensive listing above in your article, Julie.

    What more could be said? This post needs to be widely read. Great job!

  3. Kat says:

    I am saddened by the man who craves a non-sexual relationship. My husband had a prostatectomy and our sex life has become nearly non existent. I need help restoring his vitality. I’m not sure who to talk to for this- he resists any kind of counseling. We are growing apart. I’m praising the Lord that he survived cancer and asking for a return to true intimacy. We don’t even kiss anymore, and I don’t know how to address it without immasculating him. It’s a very delicate subject.

  4. Nocrave says:

    Good post. It’s easy to see your cravings as something wrong. Maybe because cravings that aren’t met can lead to craving to something else. Our sex life isn’t good and I don’t know when it will change. I focus on living pure but I can’t lie that sinful thoughts try to make its way into my mind. Maybe that’s why one feels the cravings are wrong. You start to think that if you didn’t have any cravings you wouldn’t be a bad person. So it’s easy to try to eliminate those cravings. I avoided my wife today so that I wouldn’t feel the cravings I have for her because not seeing her made me feel more in control of my desires. I stayed longer at work, took a long walk with my daughter and then went to church. I felt great all day because of all that craving didn’t bother me. When I came home and saw her undress the cravings came back. The only good thing is that she went to bed early. Cravings may be good but they are a pain in the butt when they can’t be fulfilled. Then it’s better to avoid them.

  5. Tina says:

    VENTING AHEAD…. This was a Major reality check for me..I crave nearly none of these things. I am soo indifferent to sex and don’t know why. My husband is young (28/I’m 30), tall-dark-handsome, loyal and God-fearing but I rarely if ever crave sex with him or desire to initiate. We have 2 daughters under 3 and I would hate for us to break their family up, but my husband is so hurt/depressed over our sex life and I don’t want to keep him trapped in our marriage with no sex – separation has crossed my mind. I don’t “need” sex like he does..i just don’t. But, as I am very appreciative for the life he affords us, I offer sex (and i do suck at this part of approaching him lol) he refuses by saying that I’m just doing so out of duty. Why does it matter? When our family needs food he fetches groceries; he doesn’t want to go to the supermarket but he does it anyway and doesn’t mind. This is my attitude toward sex in my marriage. We’ve only been married 4 years and we average 1-3 times a month. I feel so bad for the brothet, but What do I do? I keep our babies all day and simultaneously run a design company. My sex pertise, sexual confidence and desire are all average. I research A LOT but rarely act on any of it. I guess I feel out of it physically because of weight gain over the years and being with babies all day. How do you kick that and turn into a craving wife? Literally, like seroiusly, the only thing I crave is lonesome, quiet time. I don’t want to divorce like my parents did, but I’m stuck between caring enough to turn myself into someone Im not in this season of life, or accepting who/where/what I am and moving on without apologies. I don’t want to bear the burden of his sexual apetite.

  6. beenthere says:

    Kat~ As you know, following such a male surgery – can, but need not – spell the end of a satisfactory, intimate sexual relationship. Limitations exist everywhere. We need not focus upon what we no longer possess, but my goodness (So Much to be thankful for! ) and that would include a modified physical intimacy but nonetheless very fulfilling. Of course, buy-in from both spouses would seem necessary, yet it boils down to a matter of the heart. Husbands, who are we putting first? Are we so insensitive to the brides of our youth? Immanuel, the Lord is with us in all the details of our most intimate relationship. Men need to read and re-read until it changes them, the Songs of Solomon in a modern translation. Furthermore, Christian husbands need to follow scriptural teaching plainly described in our Handbook with respect to lovingly consider our wives on the topic expressed in this article and similar ones on the blog. Communication, love your wives, obey God the author of marriage and sex, and did i mention communication? This is incomplete without the mention of prayer. (he needs to pray for heart change and to see you as the most beautiful woman on earth). God desires to answer such requests. I pray for you.

  7. Lost Coast Annie says:

    Tina,
    Your words so resinate with me.
    I’ve been married over 35 years and I don’t remember craving any of those things in the list.
    I love my husband, sex not so much. I have researched a lot and have tried a lot but nothing so far has turned me into a sex kitten. I crave not.
    People often talk about being “stuck” in a relationship with little or no sex. What about those stuck in a relationship that requires being sexual on a regular basis and on top of that, role playing enthusiasm.
    I view sexual willingness, and true sexual giving from the heart as the ultimate expression of love especially when given from one who needs no sexual reciprocation.
    You don’t need to turn yourself into someone you’re not, just give what you can and give with grace. Your husband should be grateful to have such a caring wife.

  8. GoodDad says:

    Nocrave – STOP! You are headed for an affair, I don’t care what you say or pray. You have 100% of the factors needed to make a very bad decision. You must stop avoiding the topic, staying late at work, hoping it gets better, etc. What you must do IMMEDIATELY is to set a time limit – say, a month – for your wife to restore the sexual frequency you NEED to be faithful or the marriage is over. It will be over the minute you (not if, but when) have an affair so stop the cancer NOW. You absolutely will find someone at work, from a friend, etc., that will fill that hole your wife has left you in. DO NOT continue one more day down that path.

  9. GoodDad says:

    Tina, you’re a typical female with little to no interest in sex other than procreation. Your marriage is the nightmare of all men – all the responsibility but none of the benefits. You need to decide NOT to divorce. That means you either find the time to make sex (and therefore your marriage) a priority – yes, even over the children – or let your man go to another relationship where he’ll have his needs met. He’s headed for an affair.

  10. libl says:

    I crave him giving me sexual attention beyond what he takes and prefers. He doesn’t even give me orgasms. I have to give them to myself! I want oral sex. He says no way. I want a little foreplay. He says boring. I want him to carress my whole body and not just grope the boobs, butt, and vulva. He says, “but those are my favorite parts!” Yeah, I know, but what about what I like??!! I want him to care when he reaches orgasm before me instead of leaving me hanging, or if I am having a little trouble getting there, I wish he would help me out instead of just saying oh well.

    We have sex at least 3 times per week, which is great, but I wish he would see beyond himself.

  11. rick says:

    hi to you all i do crave it but my wife of 21 years stop it she said she has not for it with me or other i have gone as far to aske her ami doin right see i was a virgin when i got marryed i was 51 i work an did not have time to date or do things i an i love god that i could not do what was not right by his word now it hurts a lot i even ask her DR, what do i do now i fill she said i do not no even my wife said this

  12. Jack says:

    This is one of the most encouraging and revealing and convicting posts you ever wrote. I have felt way to much guilt about my cravings and feel a measure of freedom just from reading this myself and then sharing it with my wife. WE struggle in these areas but she listened as I read and was agreeing with most of it. She would like to have more sexual desire. I thing many women would. Very helpful to be reminded sometimes. I would like to hear from you Julie about the benefits of sharing fantasies we have of each with our spouse. Maybe you have written about this? Thank you.

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