It seems like a silly question, doesn’t it?
But it has the potential to be a source of huge misunderstanding in the marriage bed.
Have you ever found yourself feeling hurt or offended because your husband didn’t want to cuddle or “remain in the moment” after you make love?
Or possibly it’s the other way around, and he’s the one who is feeling a bit rejected because you didn’t want to relax in his arms after that incredible orgasm.
Sex by its very nature puts us in a vulnerable place emotionally and physically. In a loving context, it’s a good vulnerability for sure.
But in those moments after orgasm and connecting so intensely, our emotions definitely are heightened.
And if we haven’t communicated our expectations of what we desire right after sex, it’s easy for misunderstanding and resentment to take root.
Is there offense happening that neither of you has wanted to bring up?
Maybe it’s just human nature, but we tend to assume that others will recognize when we find their actions upsetting.
“Doesn’t he know that I feel cheapened when he just rolls over and falls asleep right after we have sex?”
“Doesn’t she know how painful it is when she just gets up and throws on her sweats and t-shirt right after we have sex?”
I know that this isn’t a hard issue for some couples, because they have comfortably fallen into a shared understanding of what happens in those moments after making love.
But if you are not in that camp and find yourself irritated after sex — or if you sense your spouse is a bit disappointed in your post-lovemaking behavior — by all means, get courageous and talk about it.
It could be a tremendous opportunity to extend grace, reveal your desires, or simply express that you had no idea you were causing pain to the one person you love most intimately.
And you both may discover that there is not “one right way” to wrap up a lovemaking session.
Rather, there are countless ways — be them short and sweet or lengthy and drawn out — to continue to bond as you are drenched in the release, relaxation and reassurance that come with hot and heavy sex.
Or maybe you’re just drenched in sweat and you want to go take a shower together.
Now there’s an idea!
Copyright 2012, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.