My husband and I have made love hundreds and hundreds of times.
Have we ever been bored with sex?
Sure. Not with each other per se, but we have had less-than-satisfying moments in our intimacy where the sparks weren’t exactly flying.
Hey, it happens. I doubt we are unique in this regard.
(There I go, speaking out loud the things that so many other people silently wonder to themselves).
While boring sex may be an occasional stumbling block, it doesn’t have to turn into a full blown road block. It’s not a sign that you don’t love your husband or that your marriage is headed for disaster or that you will never be able to enjoy sex again.
Could be you’re just kind of bored. Which doesn’t take much for any of us these days, seeing how we live in a noisy, chaotic world of over-stimulation. We have such easy access to anything and everything that keeps us entertained.
We just don’t have much patience for boredom, do we?
If your sexual intimacy has felt boring, here are 3 tips:
1. Resist the urge to step outside God’s plan for sex.
If you are bored, it can be tempting to try something fringe, like casually looking at porn together or inviting a third party into your bedroom (pick your jaw up off the floor… this sort of thing happens in mainstream suburbia more often than anyone would care to admit).
If I had not an ounce of Jesus Christ in my soul, I’d be a prime candidate to be a bad girl in every sense of the word.
But I’m not that gal, and I know that when God lives within us, He lovingly offers us a check in our spirit on something that may look enticing, but leads to death. (For some light reading on this, mosey on over to Proverbs… you know, all the verses about the way of the adulteress and embracing another man’s wife and so forth).
Anything that clearly compromises God’s sacred design for exclusive sexual intimacy between you and your husband is not going to spice up your love life. It’s ultimately going to damage it. Maybe even destroy it.
If you walk in the counsel of the wicked, you’ll never find blessing. (Psalm 1:1)
So, if the worldly plan for invigorating a love life is clearly not an option, then what is?
2. Get generous. Get selfish.
Have you ever given your husband free rein over your body to satisfy you sexually? Has he ever given you free rein to ravage him sexually?
If you are bored with how you routinely engage sexually, one way to add some excitement is to have an experience where it’s all about you… or all about him.
Key to making the most of this is to enjoy extended foreplay, where you truly can take your time and creativity in arousing him. With your hands. With your mouth. With your breasts. With your touch. With your words. With your caress.
Shut the bedroom door. Undress him. And have your way with him.
Then on another encounter, let him return the favor.
3. Change up the location.
The bed sometimes can be soooo boring. Other alternatives?
Couch sex can be totally hot, but you gotta have the reflexes of jaguar if you think any wee little children could quietly walk in on you.
Maybe keep a blanket or sheet over you if you think this is a possibility. (He is your husband, after all. And it is your couch. It’s not like you’re doing anything wrong. Now if you want to get crazy on someone else’s couch… hmmm… be wise. Make sure your exclusivity won’t be compromised. Bring a towel. Ask permission to use their place when they are gone, but spare them the details.)
Another option is a vehicle (one that is not moving preferably, although I have heard of some people doing some pretty crazy things while driving.)
Maybe have a rendezvous in the back of your SUV. Parked securely in the garage or in the middle of a forest on land you own.
Just make sure it’s a vehicle with plenty of room for comfort, because sex in a Smart Car or Mini-Cooper just sounds painful. But never say never, I guess. In fact, if you managed to have sex in a Smart Car, I’d likely consider you my hero on some level.
Having sex somewhere other than your bed can lend itself to some adventure and fun.
For some really candid reading on this, be sure to check out the always-funny Mrs. Hot Holy Humorous, who shared ample ideas in her posts Where to Have Sex Part 1 and Where to Have Sex Part 2. That girl has mad writing chops. Hilarious.
Just remember to think twice if you are considering having sex in a public place (parking garage, elevator, etc.). Even the most “private” of public places are usually anything but private. (Thanks to 9/11, there are now security cameras everywhere).
Getting arrested for indecent exposure would certainly knock the boredom level down a few notches. But I’m guessing it would also kill the mood. Not exactly a good trade off.
Suffice to say, your sexual intimacy doesn’t have to get stuck in a lackadaisical rut. You have it in you to change things up a bit.
Let’s share ideas! What are some ways you have turned an ordinary encounter into something extraordinary? (You can share in the comment section anonymously… just put in bogus info for the name. Your email address doesn’t print).
Have you ever been bored with sex? What did you do to turn things around?
Copyright 2012, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.