Painful Sex: What You Need to Know

Sex is not meant to be painful physically.

God designed the vagina to receive the penis, assuming of course that adequate arousal and lubrication are present.

That being said, I and other marriage bloggers who write about sexual intimacy are not blind to the fact that some people, particularly women, do experience physical pain during intercourse.

I have blogged about this before, most recently in regard to penis size and painful sex.  My fellow blogger J of Hot Holy and Humorous has also addressed this topic of painful sex (a very good post, by the way).

Paul and Lori Byerly also have some articles on painful sex here and  here.

I am not a doctor but I do know that there are legitimate medical reasons as to why sex could be painful.  Many of these can be treated successfully.

I want to share with you an article I came across on WebMD.  This is not a Christian site, per se, and the site does at times contain articles that would not reflect generally-accepted Christian values.

Some of the articles I come across, though, do contain great information that is worth consideration.

This article on painful sex thoroughly highlights some issues that you may not be aware of with regard to painful sex.

The article could be a springboard for talking points with your doctor if you experience pain during sex.

Sadly, I have heard from women who truly believe that if they are experiencing pain during sex, this is some sort of punishment for past sexual promiscuity or premarital sex or some other sin.  They believe they are simply to suffer for the rest of their marriage.

Please do not buy into this lie.

More often than not, a couple simply needs to explore more foreplay, use of artificial lubrication, etc. OR they need to consider that there are physical conditions that can be treated medically.

Even if you were to believe that physically painful sex is a consequence of past sin, I encourage you to confess your past sin and receive Jesus’ forgiveness.  Nothing is beyond His reach.  God is bent toward blessing you sexually in your marriage.

By all means, do not let physical pain hold your marriage and sexual intimacy captive.  Seek the advice of trained medical professionals who have the research and experience to diagnose and treat conditions.

Your sexual intimacy is worth it.

Copyright 2012, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

8 thoughts on “Painful Sex: What You Need to Know

  1. anonymous says:

    Hello. I am a big fan of yours that’s why I am going to ask you this question: If the main talent of vagina is lubricate itself and be elastic with all the terminal nerves of her how small of a penis is small enough or I should say acceptable? Great writer we love you so much. Great post by HHH as well.

  2. JulieSibert says:

    Thanks for the comment anonymous. Appreciate you stopping by.

    As for penis size, I think what is most important is communication between a husband and a wife as to what is pleasurable during lovemaking. So size of penis is generally not an issue. A woman’s primary arousal point for sexual pleasure is stimulation of the clitoris, which usually can be accomplished if the erect penis is in more direct contact with the clitoris (various positions are better for this) and/or a couple is incorporating other stimulation (such as use of fingers to simultaneously stimulate the clitoris, etc.)

    Communication is key.

    The other point is that a couple needs to work with what they have. That sounds blunt to put it that way, but let’s say a couple is feeling like the penis is too small or too big, etc. Well, they can’t change the size of the penis (despite all the spammy emails hawking products that would try to make us believe otherwise). So, a better approach is simply that a couple communicate more and explore more on what feels pleasurable.

    Penis size then becomes much less of an issue or not an issue at all.

    Hope that addresses what you were looking for…

    Thanks again for the comment!

  3. Aaron Miller says:

    Julie, have you seen this ?

    What does a guy has to do with this kind of information ?
    I mean, for my wife, vaginal orgasm is not *that* common. As you say, stimulation of the clitoris is the most common way, and that is how she reaches orgasm, and now it is part of our lovemaking, she tells me how she likes it, sometimes she shows me, we both “have fun with it” and that’s it.
    But now , after reading that, I feel confused and ambivalent.. Again, what does a guy has to do with that kind of information ?
    How true is it ?

  4. JulieSibert says:

    Hi Aaron… sorry it took me awhile to approve your comment, but I needed time to read the article. Thank you for commenting and for pointing out the article.

    For me the article really doesn’t seem to point out tremendously new information. It simply confirms that a wife’s orgasm is complex, which nearly all women would agree with. Debate goes on about a “g” spot, etc., but I think if a woman is confident in her sexuality, trusts deeply in her relationship and appreciates sexual pleasure, then it is more likely she will experience sensations not only in the clitoral area, but in the vaginal area as well. (I’ll vouch for it all! I do believe in the “g” spot!)

    And the article does point out what so many women know is true (but is a little baffling to some men)… that a woman’s mind has A LOT to do with not only if she will orgasm, but the intensity of her orgasm, etc.

    Key to all this — the body and the mental experience — is that a woman understand her own body and that she and her husband have good communication, where they are able to express what is pleasurable for each other…and are willing to try different positions, different touches, etc.

    If you feel confused, simply have your wife read the article and see what she thinks. Would likely be a good talking point… maybe even lead to some “research” in the bedroom.

    Thanks again for commenting.

  5. Dr. Charles Runels says:

    There’s a new treatment for dyspareunia to cause stem cells to generate new healthy tissue. The procedure is called o-shot which has been very effective with my patients.
    More can be seen at
    Hope this helps.
    Charles Runels, MD

  6. Becca says:

    You’re so brave for being so open about your struggle. It really made me feel less alone.

    In terms of treatment, do you know anything about this place in NY called the Medical Center for Female Sexuality? I’ve heard really good things about it and deciding if I should fly in.

  7. JulieSibert says:

    @Becca… thank you for your comment Becca! I have not heard of the Medical Center for Female Sexuality! I’ll have to try to find out more about it!

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