Fifty Shades of Great Sex with Your Husband

The book Fifty Shades of Grey is climbing the publishing charts, further propelling the phenomenon of erotica gone mainstream.

I should start with the disclaimer that I have not read the book.

Don’t need to.

Have no desire to.

The landscape is cluttered with shiny things masquerading as pathways to authentic intimacy, and I’m fairly certain that Fifty Shades of Grey is merely finding its place in the mix.

Call me crazy, but I’m a bit leery of anything that is compelling otherwise rational women to swing by their local adult bookstore in search of “mommy porn.”

Apparently, the term “mommy porn” has been contrived to describe erotica and sexual paraphernalia that appeals to women looking to spice up their otherwise hum-drum suburban existence.

The “mommy porn” term doesn’t exactly make it more palatable for me.

The popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey should not surprise us.

Sex is a hot topic right now.

Every avenue from reality shows to legitimate news outlets are chomping at the bit to explore anything and everything sexual, whether it be eccentric sexual practices or open marriages or the physiology behind an orgasm.

In one regard, the increasing comfort of sexual discussion has been a good thing for those of us relentlessly proclaiming God’s plan for sex.  After all, right at this moment you are reading a blog. About sex. Written by a Christian wife.

I picked a good time to speak publicly about sex.

But my heart grieves over how decimated the landscape is with what are marketed as shortcuts to authentic sexual intimacy.

One need not look far for quick fixes to the disrepair that many couples have allowed — and even fostered — in their own marriage bed.

Do we really believe that indescribable sexual encounters within a marriage can only be reached through questionable techniques and philosophies?

Have we truly lost sight of God’s gift of sex?

It’s not that I’m against spicing things up.  Hey, if anyone is a champion for hot passionate sex, it’s me.

What I’m against is choosing paths that short-circuit building a foundation of sexual vulnerability and connection that glorifies God.

The Apostle Paul warned about false prophets cleverly taking what is horrific and packaging it as righteousness. Paul further emphasizes his point when he says that even “…Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light.” (2 Corinthians 11:14)

As Christians, we need to have a discerning heart and mind.

When it comes to great sex with your spouse, the very first place you need to focus upon is the Lord and His Word — sources that overflow with provisions for all that is needed for fulfilling sexual intimacy within your marriage bed.

Then look at each other, seeking to invest in each other in such a way that tender, profound, sacred and hot sexual intimacy is an obvious outcome.

Peruse other sources of insights that fall in line with the Christian values of marital fidelity and marital compassion.  Whenever someone asks me what is “okay” sexually for a Christian married couple to do, I always say (1) No third parties and (2) No one is getting hurt emotionally, physically or spiritually.

If you want great sex with your husband, trust me on this — there are no short cuts.

Fifty Shades of Grey?  No thanks.

Fifty shades of great sex with your husband? Now there is something worth your heart and time.

Copyright 2012, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

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24 thoughts on “Fifty Shades of Great Sex with Your Husband

  1. Gina Parris says:

    Oooh, I could not agree with you more! “Mommy porn.” Heaven help us. Sometimes when I research this topic of sex in marriage for blogging material, I get so grieved, I want to just pull a rock over my head and go back to my other favorite topic, baseball. (Can we just talk in metaphors about home-runs?)
    I’m glad you are such a clear voice to the Christian wives. Pray for those of us who are called to be a healthy voice in the secular marketplace. 🙂

  2. Greg says:

    So very true! Porn = fail. No matter how, or why, or when you slice it, it’s still fail. That’s what happens when you try and disregard God’s instructions.

  3. Clark says:

    Good timing on this post. In the last tens years, where the information about sex has exploded all over the Internet, I would dare say it is difficult for a Christian with high moral values to navigate the Internet for safe information about marital intimacy. What is considered safe and appropriate, without committing a sin of viewing something that is inappropriate. This book is surely testing those boundaries. How many Christians have bought this book to hopefully add some spice to the intimacy in their marriage?

  4. Kliphton says:

    This is exactly why my friend Julie has her own folder on my desk top! Great one again Julie, and I am with you all the way. Keep up the good work. Maybe one of these days I will write on my blog again.lol

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  6. Lori Ferguson says:

    So true! – “If you want great sex with your husband, trust me on this — there are no short cuts.” It’s a 20+year warm up, with lots of exciting milestones to celebrate. Great post, J!

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  12. casara says:

    Julie-
    Have you viewed the Real Marriage sermon series available free of cost at:
    http://marshill.com/media/real-marriage
    There are 11 sermons which correspond to 11 chapters of a book that can be purchased for completing the Bible study. My husband and I went through this study with three other Christian couples. The participant’s guide has in-depth study questions for group discussion, husband-wife discussion and personal reflection. It has been such a blessing to us. From reading your Blog, I think you would enjoy looking in to this resource and potentially passing it along to others.

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  15. Sabrina says:

    Well, I need to breath before I type. I am a happily married wife and mother of 4 incredible children. I pride myself on my home and how well my children are doing. But with that being said I have to say that reading the 50 shade series brought the most incredible change in my ten year marriage. My husband and I have been very close for many years but these books brought us closer. To a new level of openness and oneness with each other. We were able to laugh and a scoff at some of the things written. It helped us discuss things that would help bring each other a new understanding and closeness in our marriage and our relationship with each other. By adding the spice and openness we were able to reach this incredible love I have never felt before. I got to be my husbands second wife. It’s awesome! We read them together encouraged each other together, looked at new things together as a couple. Please pray together to strengthen your own relationship. Don’t let others tell you what you should and should not do together. Decide for your self please sisters. Much love
    C

  16. JulieSibert says:

    Thank you for your comment, Sabrina, but we’ll have to agree to disagree here.

    I’m glad that you and your husband have found renewed intimacy and deepened conversation about things you otherwise were not able to talk about. I think those things are possible, though, without looking or reading upon things like 50 Shades of Gray.

    I think of Philippians 4:8 NIV:

    “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.”

    I wonder if we were to ask God what he thinks about the book 50 Shades of Gray, what He would say? Is it pure? Is it lovely? Is it admirable? (Sex outside of marriage). Is it praiseworthy?

    All that being said, I do appreciate that you took the time to comment. Have a blessed day…

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