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There is a little girl in my younger son’s class who always says “Hi Bradley’s mom” whenever she sees me.
It is so cute.
And each time she does it, I think how it makes me feel good to be called “Bradley’s mom.” Even with all the struggles of parenting (there are pa-lenty), I am humbly grateful to be his mom.
I was thinking about how such identity markers can stir either positive or negative feelings in us, particularly when it comes to those relationships that are closest to us. Those are the relationships that carry the greatest costs — and the greatest rewards, so to speak.
As for my marriage, I feel it is an honor to be introduced as “Randy’s wife.”
I can see the feminist activists squirming in their seats right now, as if me embracing that part of my identity as someone’s wife is a slam against equality.
For the record, while I think the women’s movement has raised valid awareness and change in some regards, I think one of the greatest detriments of the movement is this sometimes blatant breakdown of the qualities that truly do differentiate men and women.
I think a lot of exasperated women discovered that they were sold a bill of goods when they were told they could “have it all” — at least in the simplified way that was so cleverly depicted in a very polished 1980s’ Enjoli perfume commercial. I’m not against women who work (I work), but I am against this idea that a woman’s and man’s experience should be (or even can be) identical.
I’m digressing. Sorry. I do that sometimes. Hang around my blog long enough and I’m sure I’ll do it again. Ha!
Back to this phrase of being called someone’s wife — does that make you feel treasured and thankful? And for you husbands — do you embrace being referred to as your wife’s husband?
Intimacy shows up on the landscape with various calling cards.
It cannot be compartmentalized or cornered as one dimension of our marriages. Intimacy is a tone that permeates the crevices, shines light into otherwise mundane happenings.
I am Randy’s wife.
I’m more than that of course too, but I’d be lying if it doesn’t make my heart jump a bit to be his wife. It’s not that marriage is easy (because let’s face it — it’s not. Just like parenting, there are ups and downs). But after nearly 9 years of marriage, I continue to relish being Randy’s wife. It is a sacred part of who I am and it fits my soul well.
When you look at your life and your relationships, are you encouraged? Do you embrace being your husband’s wife, your children’s mom, your friends’ friend, etc.?
Reflect this day on those identity markers, and seek to understand their significance.
Copyright 2012, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.