marriage problems
The Solution for Marriages? A Little Mentoring Goes A Long Way
Feb
Is it just me or does anyone else find it ironic that we are a society that will seek out guidance on everything from our career goals to our hobbies — yet we won’t make a similar focused plea for help with our marriage?
Just think how many dissolved marriages could have been saved had the couple had wise mentors to help them navigate the treacherous, yet common, challenges of married life?
Weeks ago I was able to read an advance copy of The Solution for Marriages: Mentoring a New Generation by Jeff Murphy and Chuck Dettman.
Marriage mentoring is not necessarily a new concept, but we would be foolish to think that all that is needed in this arena is already available.
The truth is that a resource like The Solution for Marriages offers fresh insights and specific action steps on the marriage mentoring landscape.
Just so we are clear about my motive, I am not making any money off of saying any of these things.
I’m just a wife who has a passion for marriage, and when I see similar passion in other individuals, I like to draw light to their efforts.
If God is tugging on your heart to either become a marriage mentor or to bolster your skills in this endeavor, give The Solution for Marriages your time.
You will either be confirmed in your calling or you will simply pick up some valuable information about bettering your own marriage and others — either way, you win.
Sadly, I think too many people bail on their marriages not because they don’t love each other, but because they are ill-equipped to invest in their marriage when the going gets tough.
(And let’s face it — it’s not a question of if the difficulties are going to come; it’s only a matter of when).
Many people are blindsided by the very things that virtually every marriage encounters.
Their fight or flight response kicks in. What they most need is a calm and clear-headed confidante who can not only prepare them, but help them think clearer about what commitment means.
We need to raise up a revolution of married folks who are dedicated to encouraging others in their marriages.
That may be through a formal mentoring setting.
Or it may be in conversations on your back patio with the young married neighbors.
Let’s pour the same effort into mentoring marriages as we do to hungering for help with our career, our businesses, our hobbies and our home projects.
Thanks Jeff and Chuck for taking up this cause with such well-written and easy-to-follow guidance.
Copyright 2012, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.
“Let’s pour the same effort into mentoring marriages as we do to hungering for help with our career, our businesses, our hobbies and our home projects.”
Well said Julie!
Interesting that you would mention this mentoring. I was living in Europe for a while and searched several churches, asking for help/counseling, etc with our marriage and the pastors I approached didn’t want to get involved. One only did it for members of his church (fair enough) and the other didn’t have any “credentials” and was very hesitant. I was frustrated by this because we really needed help. This book will be a great benefit to couples. Still would love to find a marriage mentor…
Julie, I have to endorse everything that Katherine has said. In the UK, I am a member of a local church whose Sunday morning congregation averages around 80 persons, about 50/30 women/men respectively. Some of the women have husbands who are not believers, and some have husbands who nominally believe but have other priorities for Sunday mornings. Most of the men either come with their families or are single. Yet we have had two marriages break down in this church in the last 6 months. We have had two other families with children whose marriages have broken down in the last 6 months, although the children were married in church, they and their spouses were not professing believers. My own marriage nearly fell to pieces about 2 years ago and all I got after I asked for help was advice to go see a particular Christian marriage counsellor in a nearby town who was good at getting people who wanted their marriage to be restored put the pieces back together. Surely, if we are disciples of Christ, we need to take his words to heart, and and love one another. That does not mean keeping ourselves to ourselves, but rather giving and receiving fro each other and being mutually accountable to each other. I don’t kpow about the US, but in the UK there were some scandals about ‘heavy shepherding’ in the 1970’s and 1980’s and many clergy and others in leadership seem to think that the correct response is to have no shepherding at all, rather than right shepherding.
Thank you Robyn, Katherine and UK Fred for your comments…
Certainly discipling and shepherding can go to far, but I think you make a great observation UK Fred — the need is for right shepherding, rather than no shepherding.
I definitely think so many marriages, especially marriages just starting out (but even long-standing marriages as well) could benefit from wise Christian counsel from another couple… it’s about encouraging people to seek God’s vision for marriage, and then also offering practical and healthy ways to navigate difficulties.
I know some people think marriage is easy, but the vast majority of married people I meet (as well as myself!) realize that marriage takes tremendous effort. I wish I would have had wise mentors during my first marriage, which could have greatly benefited from a solid example and encouragement.
Thanks again for sharing and commenting. I really appreciate it!!
A growing number of Christian marriage Websites are recommending a site called “St. Cyrano” to help couples get an interesting sort of mentoring in their marriages. The details of intimacy can be a tricky area for mentoring, but the highly-personalized stories that this Website automatically creates (based on a detailed survey questionnaire) allow a married Christian couple to read about themselves in some very exciting stories. In a sense, it mentors the in how they can enjoy the blessings of physical intimacy (in a variety of stories). All the content is based on Biblical values for marriage, and it can really help communication and getting in the mood. Search on the topic and you’ll see recommendations by respected Christian Websites and reviews by people who have used the site. It has certainly been a blessing to our marriage.
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