authentic, intimacy, passion, sex, sexual intimacy
Want a Stronger Family? Intimacy Between Mom and Dad is Key
Today’s post comes from Eric Bateman. A big shout out to Eric, who is committed to loving well and to being the very best husband and father he can be. He is encouraging others along those lines as well, so please check out his blog and follow him at www.betterhusbandsandfathers.com. Thank you Eric for sharing so authentically!
When I got married, I had already decided what my sex life with my wife would be like. I just knew it would naturally be fun, frequent, and spontaneous. As one who believes in abstinence before marriage, I was really looking forward to our new intimate life together!
Yes, I was naive about a lot of things in marriage, especially this.
A quick history….when I got married, my wife and I had only known each other for 10 short months (3 of those long-distance). As a result, we still had work to do to get to know each other… in a lot of ways. After just 2 years, our son was born — as you probably know, this can complicate things, especially intimacy.
Now that our son is a toddler, my wife is pregnant again! We are very excited but, again, it can be a setback on the intimacy front. I have learned from this experience that when the lust and longing of courtship dim with time, intimacy must become a conscious priority. Not only does this include sexual intimacy, but non-sexual touch, emotional intimacy, and romance.
Intimacy and the Family
As a husband and father, creating a healthy, happy, and lasting relationship with my wife and child (soon to be children) is of utmost importance. One of the pieces to this puzzle is intimacy; not only does it contribute to a healthy marriage, but it can also have an influence on your children.
When I was young boy, my parents always held hands, said I love you, and kissed when one would leave the house. I knew that they had a loving and intimate relationship (they still do). As I grew up , dated, and eventually got married, it proved valuable for me to have parents who weren’t afraid to show affection. It helped me feel safe and also taught me a lot about what I wanted in my own relationships and how I wanted to treat my wife.
It is important that you put your spouse first, and that your children know that you put your spouse first. Showing your children non-sexual intimacy is important to their development. In addition to non-sexual intimacy shown to your children, intimacy behind closed doors (because it results in stronger marriage relationship) provides strength and stability for your children.
The stress of having children and raising a family can have an impact on intimacy with your spouse, if you let it. Prioritize intimacy for yourself, your spouse and your children. Don’t let anything or anyone (even your children) stop you from accomplishing a healthy, happy, intimate relationship with your spouse!
Copyright 2010. Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.
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Eric –
Great stuff man – and congrats to you! (We are in the decision mode of another kiddo!)
What a blessing to have great models of healthy intimacy for marriage – re: your parents. I don’t remember many public displays of healthy intimacy from my parents. That bums me out, for me, AND for them!!
My beautiful wife™ and I always talk about being great ‘team mates’ and ‘friends’, yet, the ‘lover’ part of the equation (being loving, flirty, fun, “healthily intimate”) outside the bedroom is where we want to grow most!
Thanks for the encouragement ~ Stu@themarryblogger.com
Thanks Stu!
Yes, I understand what you mean about being flirty or loving outside the bedroom. I think we all could use some growth here, I know, for me at least, it does not come naturally, I always have to remind myself (or have my wife remind me!)
Our kids are older (15-23) and sometime roll their eyes or make comments about the affection my wife and I show each other in our home, though less so in public. But the truth is I know that what we are showing them is the importance of expressing affection for each your mate and that it will pay dividends in their future.
Great advice! I think that couples should take some time off everyday to spend quality time together. It’s quality over quantity; deep conversations even a few minutes a day would help a couple reinforce intimacy in their relationship.