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I hear what you are saying.
Your responsibilities and details are overflowing at Niagara Falls rate.
You’re the wife and the mom and the keeper of all the info that everyone needs but doesn’t seem to have the forethought to manage themselves.
Like that it takes a minute and a half to pop the microwave popcorn…
…or that the extra syrup is kept in the back of the pantry…
…or that there are certain articles of clothing that absolutely can’t be dried.
You are the one who makes sure everything has its license.
The dog. The cars. The teenage driver.
You know what to put in the party bags for the gradeschooler’s little shindig on his 7th birthday.
You know that you can’t send snacks to school with any peanut products.
You are the one who is thinking about summer camp registration in April. You make all the appointments… dentists, doctors, mammograms, Algebra tutoring.
You plan most or all the dates with your husband (if there are any dates).
You manage the leftovers. And the calendar.
You coordinate a million different details at work (whether you work outside the home or in it or both). You know what size bag the vacuum cleaner takes. You know how to stretch a pound of hamburger into a meal for 5.
You’ve potty-trained toddlers and puppies. You always manage to find the athletic cup for which the 10-year-old has looked “everywhere,” but can’t seem to find on his own.
You are a competent, capable, beautiful woman…in more ways than you receive even passing acknowledgement for.
And at the end of the day… after all this… your husband wants to have sex. And you think, “I’ve got nothing left to give. I don’t even have anything in me to want to desire sex, let alone actually participate in it.”
Even if you have experienced orgasm…really great orgasm… even that isn’t enough incentive on many nights. You try to offer him some microwave popcorn. He wants more than popcorn. He wants sex. He wants it with you. And he wants it often.
Is this you? Do you feel this way?
I don’t make light of it, because hey I’m all about wanting you to feel less alone, not more alone. I still arrive at this place, though… that sex in marrriage is not “optional.”
It’s not simply an item on a smorgasbord of relational components that you can easily pass by, like skipping the cashew chicken at the Chinese buffet. (“I’ll take a lot of my pillow please. No thanks on a naked husband laying next to me. Maybe next time).
So your reality is telling you that you have no time or energy for sex. But your gut is telling you that you can’t keep operating in that mode. What are your solutions?
How do we find more energy and time (or re-position our daily life) so that intimacy isn’t always getting nixed? (I don’t have to do a lengthy study. I know it’s getting nixed in a lot of households on a lot of nights).
No time for sex? I get it. How do you feel?
Copyright 2010, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.