authentic, intimacy, sex, sexual intimacy, Uncategorized
A Man’s Perspective: Sex Is More Than Sex
Big thanks to Stu Gray (www.TheMarryBlogger.com) who is guest posting today. Stu speaks with great honor about the covenant relationship of marriage. Be encouraged by his below post and be sure to check out his blog, as well as follow him on Twitter @themarryblogger and on his Facebook page. It is great to have a man’s perspective…
Hi Ladies!
When Julie asked me to write a guest post for her blog – I first was excited – then I thought – What do I have to offer?
So, I figured I would just offer a little of a guys perspective on the thing that Julie is passionate about for husbands and wives: Sex.
For,me, Sex is more than sex.
You know how sometimes this can mean that? How “Hot” can sometimes mean “attractive“…or how “Sweet” can mean “Awesome!” Or how “bad” can mean “good“?
For me, sex means other things than just sex. It has many more meanings for me than just the physical act of “sex”.
Here are some things “sex” means to me:
Sex means connection – Sex is one of the best ways that my beautiful wife and I connect. If I feel far away from her, it is a great way to reconnect and feel close once again. Many times, sex offers me an opportunity to open up to her after sex happens. The cool thing about sex for guys is that the “connector” hormone oxytocin is released in our brains after our orgasm (it’s released in women various times throughout the day like with a physical touch, or a good conversation – not necessarily with orgasm). That means we feel so much more connected to our wives after having sex.
Sex means enjoyment – Sex is awesome. Thank God for that! Sex is one of the best things to enjoy together as a husband and a wife.
Sex means adoration – I can enjoy all of my wife’s great gifts. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. I can adore the woman God has gifted me with. She rocks. And its fun to share with her the love that she deserves.
Sex means fun – Good. Clean (Optional). Fun!
Sex means quality time – Because of all the other feelings that I have that are part of the sexual experience for me, sex is a great way to spend time with my wife.
Sex means touch – Sometimes we go for a good while without good touch. We may brush next to each other while passing making lunch for the kiddo, or as I am headed out the door. Certainly there are other times of touch – holding hands and the like – but sex means more than just casual touch.
Sex means the joy of pursuit – To get to the act of making love, there has to be some pursuit going on. I have to engage during the day, I have to be respectful and courteous, loving and kind. It begins outside of the bedroom.
Sex means being pursued – I love feeling like ‘da man‘. The person who I enjoy feeling like ‘da man‘ most with, would be my wife. When she starts her pursuit of me to ‘bed her now, or lose me for ever’ (name that movie!!) That is an awesome feeling.
Sex means love – When we share ourselves physically, we are celebrating our oneness together. The Oneness that god created with our relationship. I am able to express love for my wife, and to God for the wife he has blessed me with!
Sex means lust – Yes, sometimes I just want to enjoy my wife’s body. It is an amazing thing. (Yes, I still love everything about her – heart, mind, soul and body, but sometimes my physical drive desires release).
Sex means sweetness – There is nothing sweeter in the world than enjoying the pleasures of physical intimacy with my wife. The verse in Song of Solomon comes to mind: Your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb, my bride; milk and honey are under your tongue. The fragrance of your garments is like that of Lebanon. – SoS 4.11.
In my life, sex is more than sex. I hope this part of the list gives you a little look into the brain of a husband…and perhaps you can share this list with yours and spark up a conversation where he might be able to share some of the meanings sex has for him…other than just sex. (The Rest of my list is at my blog: The Marry Blogger!)
Photo by Alastair Moore
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Sex definitely means more when you have all of those things!
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Amen, Stu! I read through your list with a smile and several nods. Sex means all of these things to me as well, and I really love your Song of Solomon quote. Great post!
Thanks for the props Dustin – your post on the topic was great too! (Read it here: http://j.mp/aNytqh)
@Chelle – It definitely does!!
Stu, great list! Thanks for so accurately representing us guys! Can’t really think of a single thing to add.
Thanks Scott ! I appreciate that.
Thanks for the props Dustin – your post on the topic was great too! (Read it here: http://j.mp/aNytqh)
@Chelle – It definitely does!!
It’s very important to me to “connect” with my husband. Thanks a bunch Stu for this male perspective. I know see my husband as less of a sex-crazed maniac and more of a love-seeking maniac (he he)
Top Gun!!
So what movie was that quote from?
Any ideas for men married to older women? We are 13 years apart.
Love this site, btw.
Thank you for the comment Maggie! Regardless of age difference, I think communication is always what is key to extraordinary intimacy. You mention that you are 13 years apart, but I’m wondering how long you have been married, how you both feel about your intimacy, etc. When there is mutuality there usually is deeper intimacy. What I mean is that do both you and your husband feel comfortable not only expressing what you like sexually, but also asking each other what the other person likes? Such vulnerable conversation can be powerful, and that really has nothing to do with age. If you want to dialogue more on this, feel free to email me at jksibert@cox.net. Thanks again! Julie
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Great accurate post. Now for the hard part. Getting women to actually see it.
Oh wow, you think this actually represents the way men feel about sex? Do you guys have your wives or girlfriends looking over your shoulder while you write this stuff? Yes, this is what your wife or girlfriend wants, but to say that us men are squishy wooses that actually think this way is truly inaccurate. Sure hope you get the brownie points you were looking for when you got your wives to read what you wrote!! LOL
Just to further my point, I am guessing less then 5% of men actually feel this way because we are not wired that way. Yes, this sort of thing is what women want and hope that this is how you feel, but in reality in the time in which we live, this is not the case. Sex is a perk. You do not need it to love your wife, same as you do not need sex to love your kids or your dog/cat. If you are looking for some, ya this is what you make her think you are thinking, but hard truth is men in this day and age men are not naturally equipped with this kind of mentality, women are.
To cap this off. I have had enough previous experience before marriage to know, that most women are not overly concerned about how a man thinks during sex. It is more what they hear and are shown, and the fact that someone wants to be with them. Sure, it cant hurt to grab an article like this and say, hey look at this, this is how I feel during. But from my perspective, most women are looking for more of a take charge and confident man, rather than one that sits in the nose bleed section writing poems, cause he is tremendously grateful to have sex with anyone, cause he is not confident or attractive enough to get anyone else. The idea that women are going to want a constant diet of frilly notions of how we are in touch with our feminine side is bizarre. Pretty sure that is why we were made different, male and female. Besides, does it really matter what we men are thinking? Enjoy the moment, and take from it what you need to feel happy.
Matt says, “does it really matter what we men are thinking?”
I say, “yes.The kind of man I want not only feels and thinks as the author of this post describes, but is man enough to say so. If sex is not about connection, etc., for him, or he’s afraid to say sex IS about connection, etc., because he’s more interested in society’s definition of masculinity than intimacy with me, or if sex is exclusively about release and not at all about relationship, count me out.”
Matt,
I’m not sure you are aware of your audience.
If my husband told me he didn’t need sex to love me, sex was just sex, that sex didn’t mean anything to him except the enjoyment for the moment, and that sex were just a perk in marriage,
he might be lucky if he got sex twice a year.
There is enough evidence to show that the connection value of sex is a fact, and does bring a couple back to a state of oneness. But to say a mans perspective is one of butterflies and daffodils is misguided. Of course views between men are going to differ, but dare to say that opinions, as the author, in todays society are uncommon.