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I liked my wedding. What girl doesn’t like to dress up, feel pretty and be the center of attention of one adoring man and hundreds of caring onlookers?! Yeah, our wedding rocked. I planned well. I delegated well. I got plenty of rest leading up to it. And I loved every minute.
But as wonderful as any wedding can be, it really is just one day. And I often say to women, “Don’t think that having a wedding has anything to do with being married.” Now don’t stop reading. I’m a romantic to the core. I just think too many people, particularly brides, pour more effort into a scrumptious wedding than into a scrumptious marriage.
Like a wedding, marriage takes a lot of intentional efforts and a boatload of communication. This is true of every aspect of marriage, including sex! Sex isn’t a compartmentalized part of your marriage, hanging out in the wings waiting for you to finally notice it. (At least it shouldn’t be). It is an integral connection happening against a backdrop of a million other marital details of doing life with the husband who is your lover.
Did you say yes to the dress and forget to say yes to the sex? If so, don’t beat yourself up. Shame and guilt are lousy motivators for long-term change. Instead, take steps now — even baby steps — to nuture your sexual intimacy. If your intimacy is wrought with relational challenges, take steps on getting healthy (even if that means getting yourself healthy first).
Yeah, our wedding was scrumptious. But our marriage… hmmm… even more scrumptious.
Copyright 2010. Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.