Say Yes to the Sex

I liked my wedding.  What girl doesn’t like to dress up, feel pretty and be the center of attention of one adoring man and hundreds of caring onlookers?!  Yeah, our wedding rocked.  I planned well. I delegated well. I got plenty of rest leading up to it.  And I loved every minute.

But as wonderful as any wedding can be, it really is just one day.   And I often say to women, “Don’t think that having a wedding has anything to do with being married.”   Now don’t stop reading.  I’m a romantic to the core.  I just think too many people, particularly brides, pour more effort into a scrumptious wedding than into a scrumptious marriage.

Like a wedding, marriage takes a lot of intentional efforts and a boatload of communication.   This is true of every aspect of marriage, including sex!  Sex isn’t a compartmentalized part of your marriage, hanging out in the wings waiting for you to finally notice it.  (At least it shouldn’t be).   It is an integral connection happening against a backdrop of a million other marital details of doing life with the husband who is your lover.

Did you say yes to the dress and forget to say yes to the sex?  If so, don’t beat yourself up.  Shame and guilt are lousy motivators for long-term change.  Instead, take steps now — even baby steps — to nuture your sexual intimacy.  If your intimacy is wrought with relational challenges, take steps on getting healthy (even if that means getting yourself healthy first).

Yeah, our wedding was scrumptious.  But our marriage… hmmm… even more scrumptious.

Copyright 2010. Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

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7 thoughts on “Say Yes to the Sex

  1. Cyndi Kammerer says:

    So true Julie! When I think back to our wedding there are details others ask me about that I don’t remember. Some “stuff” wasn’t important to either me or my husband. Yet, we have great memories because we did it our way – not the way everyone tells you it has to be done! No regrets – what a great feeling!!!

  2. admin says:

    Thanks Cyndi! Appreciate the comment! I’m doing all I can to encourage women in their marriages, and the site has been a great avenue for that.

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  4. Mrs Embers says:

    SO true! People look at me like I’m crazy when I say we didn’t go nuts over the wedding, because hey, it was fun, but it’s what comes in the days, weeks and years AFTER the wedding that matters.

    I can’t watch TV shows about “Bridezillas” and that sort of thing- if they’re that focused on one day, I have to wonder how much thought they’ve put into what comes after. Not to say they’re all doomed or anything… that obsession just makes me feel kind of sick.

  5. Shannon O | Confessions of a Loving Wife says:

    “Don’t think that having a wedding has anything to do with being married.”

    How true! A wedding is just one day a marriage is a lifetime and yes… Marriage is so very scrumptious…

    Marriage is far more significant, important, romantic and indelible than any wedding could ever be.

  6. admin says:

    Hey Stu… thanks for the shout out about my new blog. Your blog rocks too! I’ve been re-tweeting it when I get the chance. My beloved and I just got back from a 4-day getaway in Phoenix! (First time we’ve been away without the kids, so we were way overdo). Good to “meet” people like you out in cyberspace who also place great value on marriage! Blessings to you and your wife. Thanks to Shannon O for your comment as well… it is always encouraging to hear from people who truly get that marriage is worth nurturing…and that the payoff is huge when you do.

  7. Michelle says:

    “Don’t think that having a wedding has anything to do with being married.”

    How true! A wedding is just one day a marriage is a lifetime and yes… Marriage is so very scrumptious…

    Marriage is far more significant, important, romantic and indelible than any wedding could ever be.

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