authentic, intimacy, sexual intimacy, sexual intimacy struggles, sexual struggles, Uncategorized
Too Late To Improve Love and Sex in Your Marriage? Maybe Not!
Oct
Occasionally I receive such a gem in my email in-box.
Below is one of those encouraging stories!
This is one man’s experience on how his marriage improved when he made a humble and positive change.
He and his wife are in their 70s, so it is a good example that there is often hope — even when we think hope had long ago left the scene.
Not only did they grow deeper in love, the sex has gotten really hot. Be encouraged…
I am the husband. We have been married nearly 38 years and for over 37 years we had sex roughly 2 or 3 times a month. I had been constantly rejected in bed and my wife said she was not really that interested in sex.
Recently I was convicted by the Holy Spirit to not just READ Ephesians 5:25-31, but to ACT OUT these verses. I guess you could say I am a slow learner!
I am now truly trying to act out these verses.
Husbands really have an awesome responsibility: I am to be prepared to lay down my life for my wife and to place her needs/desires ahead of my own, not just occasionally but ALWAYS.
First of all, my wife thought I was crazy — such was the change that occurred — but I told her what I was trying to do and her attitude changed also. She knows that I really want the absolute best for her.
She is legally blind (almost since birth) and when I met her I knew she needed someone to love her and care for her. I consider it an honor, a privilege and a joy to be that man.
I should point out that we are both in our 70s and I have ED, partly probably because of age and partly because of my heart medication (I had a heart attack 7 1/2 years ago). I need medication to get and maintain a firm erection which limits spontaneity, but adds to the anticipation.
WOW what a difference since I started living out Ephesians 5:25-31! We are now having sex two or three times a week and it is wonderful. Last night was the most thrilling sex of our lives and we were both completely fulfilled. In all areas of our lives, we are now more in love than we have ever been.
I firmly believe that if all husbands would take these verses to heart that there would be a lot more very happy Christian marriages.
Let God take control and enjoy each other as He intended. I think that wives would easily be able to live as verses Ephesians 5:22:24 require if their husbands were living out their verses.
For those of you who can identify with this man’s testimony and who have had a similar rekindle relationship because of your surrender to God’s Word and heart, please comment and thank him for sharing.
I am sensitive to the fact that some of you reading this have tried to walk a similar humble path, but have not seen your spouse respond with a deepened love. My heart goes out to you. I hear regularly from men and women who hunger for the emotional and physical tenderness of their spouse and are heartbroken to rarely or never receive it.
I share these real experiences, though, because as Christians we are called to try to encourage one another whenever possible and to testify to the work of the Lord in our lives.
May the words of our brother in Christ who has shared his story give us a deeper sense of the way God longs to transform and redeem us — and offer us hope.
Copyright 2012, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.
Thank you for sharing this man’s beautiful story! How I wish my first husband had taken that verse to heart. I usually felt that I was his “woman”, playing a role that he needed from me, mostly involving sex. We were missionaries overseas, and we taught at couples’ retreats, Bible studies, and all. During our 27 years I often felt pressured to do things I did not want, when I did not want, and how I did not want. I tried to speak up, voice my opinion and wishes, ask for him to take it easy when I felt pain, etc…but the final straw came when he told me I could no longer speak up, because that would constitute “telling him what to do” or “criticizing him” which was not biblical. All I wanted was to be heard and for him to not be so rough and forceful with me in the bedroom.
When I realized that I had no voice, no say in what happened to my body, I had to leave. Now, 5 years later, I can testify that God is GOOD and is merciful. He has blessed my new life beyond my wildest dreams and much healing has taken place.
I recently published an ebook on Amazon “To Love and to Cherish…facing sexual abuse in marriage” by D. Anne Pierce. I hope it will be helpful to many women who are in a marriage where their voice is not heard particularly in the bedroom.
Thank you for your articles, I know they are helpful to many men and women!
D. Anne
Thank you so much D. Anne for your comment. I can only imagine the courage it took to get out of an abusive situation. Praise the Lord that He has indeed shown how merciful he is and ready to bless us.
I’m so glad your new life is beyond your wildest dreams and that much healing has taken place.
God blessed me with a wonderful, gentle man who understands, and I have to say that our sexual relationship is beautiful. No pressure, no manipulation, no anger…just mutual caring and love. God is good.
This is a beautiful story of how God can change a person’s heart and change a marriage in the process…and how extra wonderful to hear of a couple in their 70’s having a wonderful sex life.
My first husband was verbally/emotionally/mentally abusive for our twenty years together and therefore, our sex life was anything but a loving union between a husband and wife. When we were dating he was into watching porn and was open about it, while also reading Playboy. He wanted nothing more than someone to play out his fantasies and was not interested in my pleasure at all. Because I had no sexual experience I was very disappointed to think this was all there was to sex and over time finally learned how to have an orgasm, but it was on my own, not once in our twenty years with him. 🙁
We were not believers when we married, but 10 years later both of us were saved. I was hopeful that he would change with God in his life and his abuse would stop, but if anything it only became worse. He expected me to live out my part as a Christian wife and somehow he only felt his part was being in charge of me. Needless to say, our marriage did not improve nor our sex life, it only got worse and non-existent.
Fortunately, the Lord took me out of that marriage and I am now with a very loving man who lives for the Lord and has shown me love as I only dreamed about. He is unselfish, loving and gentle, and seeks to make sure I experience as much pleasure as possible during our love making, and that attitude in turn has made me desire to please him as much as possible too.
We both often wonder why it took so long for the two of us to find each other (he too is divorced after a very difficult marriage), but I tell him that God’s timing is perfect. He is in his late 50’s and I’m almost 50, so we do not have the worry of pregnancy and both feel so much freer to enjoy each other sexually. I hope and pray that we too will be continuing to enjoy our beautiful sexual relationship for years to come. 🙂
Just a note. The author says that the husband needs to place the wife’s needs/desires above his own always.
I agree with needs. I don’t agree with desires. I desire to sin. Does Christ put my desire to sin above his own desires? See the church at Laodicea in Rev 3.
More to the point. My wife desired to almost never have sex. This is NOT a desire to be supported by me. She was happy in our marriage. Said our marriage was “wonderful”. Just didn’t want to have sex much at all (like once per month or even less) She had ZERO qualms saying no to me week after week after week. This is a sinful desire (or lack of desire) and not to be “put first”
Anyway, thanks for the article Julie! I agree with the spirit of it! Just pointing out a technicality that I disagree with.
LS
A wonderful testimony–and great encouragement to hear!
Beautiful. It brought tears to my eyes… *warm smile*. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us! So life-giving and refreshing!
It is way to late for our marriage. Married 45 years and since day one my husband hasn’t loved, had sex or been intimate with me. It seems right after the I DOs were done everything changed. We had sex once and that was our last time. I know all marriages become rocky and I expected that.. But what I got was nothing. I wanted kids and a nice family but I was turned down. My husband turned very asexual like a switch was turned off. I hate to admit but I stayed with him for the money and benefits. My life has been endless depression and a diet of anti-depressants. To old now to change my life. Hes lived in the basement all these years and we haven’t associated with each other for years. I want my life to end shortly but I wake up every morning still here.
@Amy… I am sorry for how heartbreaking and difficult your situation is with your marriage. I encourage you to seek support for yourself, including friendships with safe female Christian friends.
While you cannot change your husband, you can start to do things that will bring more light and hope and health into your life… seek counseling, seek hobbies and things that interest you, build female friendships that are enriching and give you something to look forward to.
I recognize how disappointing and overwhelming your marriage has been and the lack of intimacy (emotional, sexual, spiritual, etc.) But indeed you are still alive and that means there is still life available to you.