body image, intimacy, passion, sexual intimacy struggles
3 Reasons to Let Your Husband Undress You
I was having a conversation with someone recently about how powerful it can be for a wife to allow her husband to undress her before sex.
I realize for some of you, your guard went up when you read the headline. I’ve heard from enough women’s hearts to know there are indeed reasons behind this.
Maybe you struggle with body image.
The thought of your husband seeing you naked, let alone being the one responsible for getting you to that point, raises your anxiety.
Or, on a much more serious note, maybe being undressed brings with it a whole slew of triggers from either past sexual abuse or past promiscuous relationships.
I don’t want to minimize this pain, but in the same regard, I want to lovingly encourage you to move toward receiving healing for these wounds so that the right sexual relationship with your husband is not held hostage.
Or, on a lighter note, possibly it just hasn’t occurred to you that undressing each other could even offer much to your intimacy.
Some would even say it seems awkward. “What’s the point? Why don’t we just move things along and get naked already?”
As your sister in Christ, I encouragingly offer these 3 reasons your husband undressing you may be one of the best things for your sexual intimacy:
1. It ushers in healthy vulnerability.
There is something about letting your defenses down and trusting your husband with this.
Some may say it’s just clothing… “what’s it really matter that my husband is unbuttoning my pants, slipping my shirt off or unhooking my bra?”
I say it matters a lot.
Vulnerability is indeed a scary place in a relationship, but it is the only place to go for an emotional intimacy that cannot be discovered any other way.
Ahhh… but aren’t we talking about physical intimacy if my husband is undressing me? Yes, but for physical intimacy to be profound, it’s going to have to involve a whole lot of emotional intimacy.
And vulnerability.
2. It symbolically demonstrates 1 Corinthians 7.
All that biblical talk about our bodies not being our own within the loving sexual context of a marriage — is that just a bunch of outdated gibberish from long ago?
Hardly.
I think when we give our husband free rein in the moments before lovemaking to take our clothes off, we are speaking something non-verbally that reflects 1 Corinthians 7.
“I am yours to unwrap, Lover. I am yours to explore. And I trust you with that.”
Just like sex, the privilege of being undressed is reserved only for my spouse. No one else gets to journey to that level of intimacy with me. It is indeed a private club reserved for just the two of us. There are no other members (which means, of course, we can choose the dress code! Or the undress code, as it might be!)
3. It heightens desire.
Sex in marriage can and will become routine, if we don’t fight against that tendency.
There’s a fine line between comfortably knowing what is a “sure thing” in arousing your husband… and what is simply a repeated pattern of intimacy that rolls out like a script of a familiar play.
Anticipation is powerful. It will indeed teach us about new levels of arousal if we allow it to.
Study after study has shown that guys tend to be more visually stimulated than women. As a wife, you may think your husband undressing you offers little to the encounter. I am willing to bet, though, that your husband would beg to differ on that take.
Don’t trust my opinion on it. Ask your husband if he would like to undress you. And ask him if you can undress him.
Sometimes nakedness can take on whole new meaning, depending on the context, ranging from indescribably tender to ravenously playful.
Is allowing your spouse to undress you something to incorporate into every sexual encounter?
Maybe. Maybe not.
But to completely dismiss it altogether would be leaving some valuable sexual territory undiscovered.
Copyright 2012, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.
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I have rheumatoid arthritis so my husband has to undress me practically every night . . . I have a feeling that’s not what you meant though. ;D
Thank you Erin for your comment… I’m sorry to hear about your rheumatoid arthritis (I have a dear friend who has it as well).
I’m glad to hear your husband is kind enough to help you…
This is so true and I just found out about this recently from my husband. There were several nights that when he came to bed I was laying naked which I did because I thought from things I heard others say that guys like that. Well, one night he came in and he said, “how come you don’t dress up anymore?” I replied that I thought he liked me being naked and didn’t realize he wanted me to wear things. He said, “yeah, I like you dressing so I can take it off”. So, ever since, to say the least have made sure to have clothes on and let him undress me. It does make it fun 🙂 THank you for sharing.
I agree! My wife doesn’t have a positive body image, but I love to see her naked and I love whenever she lets me undress her to any degree. There’s something teenaged inside me that giggles, “I just took her bra off. I’m gonna touch a boob.” It’s silly, but it’s true.
Thank you A.D. and Paul for your comments!
Your comment made me laugh Paul! Isn’t that the truth… a guy likes to “score” with his gal!
My prayers and encouragement for healthy intimacy go out to all my readers!
Great post! As a wife, I enjoy undressing my husband as well. It’s also nice to be creative about how you undress one another. (I used to be able to unzip with my teeth. *hubby drools on computer* I don’t know if I still can.)
Variety is exciting. Surprised by a naked wife one day and the other day Lingerie to remove. Sometimes regular jammies. Its all wonderful and the variety is great!
Great reminder. Anticipation is certainly of great importance in the bedroom and the undressing can just be flat out sexy.
Megan
The same goal can be accomplished with the full body massage, see the write up at the generous husband blog.
Julie, spot on as usual.
Speaking as a husband type person, I can say that I think number 3 is completely true. Undressing my bride adds to the anticipation.
Same idea as the enjoyment that comes from unwrapping a nicely wrapped birthday present.
The other thing that is nice about undressing your bride, is that it demonstrates her trust in you in a very real and direct way. She trusts me enough to vulnerable in letting me undress her.
The longer a couple is married, the easier it is to get into a rut where they do the same thing over and over again. After awhile, the fire burns out and there is less and less sexual intimacy in a marriage. My wife has a routine that she follows pretty much everytime we make love, and the last part of that routine is jumping into bed naked. It is supposed to be a surprise, but if she does that everytime, it no longer becomes a surprise. I know I also need to do my part to mix things up every once in a while to keep things fresh and continue to try and keep the fire burning. I have been married over 28 years, and I will say it is very difficult to not get caught into a rut, doing the same thing over and over again. No doubt about it, when there is less spontaneity, there is less intimacy, and eventually, that can spell disaster for a marriage. I hate to admit it, but our marriage is so much better when we make regular intimacy a high priority. We are more kind and loving toward one another when we are more intimate with one another on a regular basis. When we are trying to keep the fire burning and keep things fresh, we are more regular. It hasn’t been easy to figure out that formula for success, where it takes hard work to keep the marriage strong.
I’m guessing this represents a male female difference. I mean, I totally believe it, but why does allowing your husband to undress you signify trust or feeling safe, or make a wife feel vulnerable? (More so than undressing yourself or making love for that matter?)
I guess I think my reaction would be the opposite. If my wife were undressing me, that would mean she is interested and invested in making love, so why would I feel vulnerable? I feel vulnerable when I am making the overtures. When I’m doing it all, like undressing her or pursuing her, making the moves or whatever, I’m open to being shot down down. (And I’ve been shot down, crashed and burned more times than I can count. Though its “better” now)
Do you get what I mean? If your husband is undressing you, your not going to get rejected. He’s making the move on you. Whats to feel vulnerable about? I would think the husband should feel more vulnerable than the wife.
Of course, I know I see it from a husband’s perspective. Anyway, just noting what sort of surprised me about the article and the comments. I totally believe its makes women feel vulnerable. I just don’t know why.
Thank you for your comment landschooner! I agree with you totally that in a healthy marriage, spouses undressing each other is likely to be a welcomed gesture.
But in some marriages, there is a lack of trust and transparency (whether it be because of past hurts, dishonesty, betrayals, etc). In such situations, the act of one spouse allowing the other to undress them may require a tremendous amount of “stepping out in faith.”
Also, I think women in particular struggle with body image issues, so even if they don’t necessarily have “trust” issues with their husband, they may still feel insecure about him undressing her.
I think though that if a couple can grow in their relationship to being able to undress each other as part of foreplay, lovemaking, etc., it can bring some additional enjoyment and intimacy to the experience.
Thanks again for commenting! Always appreciate you stopping by the blog!
Sooooo many reasons why a wife should let her husband undress her,and Julie has hit on 3 big ones,and I would have to say,”desire” fitting my husband and I closer than any mentioned . What better way of foreplay could ever be accomplished than undressing each other,or for that matter,the husband undressing the wife. It also adds variety to any marriage. My husband especially enjoys undressing me after returning home from dinner out,,after church services,etc.,..being dressed in some of our best only fuels the fire,and having my husband slowly undress me caressing,kissing ,feeling as he does so,builds such a burning sexual desire for him within me,and no other type of foreplay could turn me on more,and don’t get me wrong,..it turns him on too,…very much so,I must say !
Judy
Interesting
My husband loves to undress me…I had to really humble myself with this, because of self image issues. But he loves it, and it turns me on to turn him on, vice versa….he also like it when i reach for the button on his pants…fun!
In Ezekiel 24:16 God refers to Ezekiel’s wife as “the delight of your eyes”, which expresses the generality that men are turned on thru their eyes more than women (although their marital eyes do not lag far behind). A steak is a steak, but the way it is presented with side dishes- their colors and various flavors/textures-can make it momentous. Lingerie with a variety of see-through effects, nylons, make up, etc can make me feel SO welcome to give/share extreme loving pleasures. If my wife surprises me this way it makes me want to offer her a massage that slowly turns sexy, (including feet) then morphs into a long, slow session of oral delights for her till she is full of all my love.
I am a 20 something yr old women about to be married in 3days and while I understand the allure for my soon to be husband to undress me I am totally afraid I know he expects me to have the body of a young woman but I don’t have let’s say the breasts of a woman who has had 4 children I doubt his arousal will hold up after taking off my bra. Sigh He being a Christian is not going to let him be magically attracted to me
I like to dress my wife in a dress, play with her, then disrobe her top, play more, make love while she is still in her dress. I really like the soft frilly material rubbing against my skin. I sometimes wear a slip to help me have an erection. She does not understand why, but either do I. At first she was not sure where I was going with this, but after talking about what I like, she agreed and now wants to please me. I also make sure she communicates to me what she likes. Talking and showing before the act is very helpful.
I just wonder if other men feel the same as I do, as far as making love to their wife while she is still wearing her dress. For me, I enjoy the feel of a polyester, chiffon type of material. I’ve never heard of other guys expressing they’re desire for this.
Your reply to this post for this or not would be appreciated.