I recently shared I similar line in a post at this link. I can’t resist unpacking this more. In your marriage, how are you doing beneath the sheets? How are you doing on your feet?
I could have put “and vice versa” on the end of it, because obviously each impacts the other. When my husband and I are doing well in our relationship when clothed, it intensifies our desire to be close to each other when our clothes come off. And when we are intentional about our sexual intimacy, I like him better outside the bedroom.
Sadly, too many married couples think of sexual intimacy as a separate entity in a marriage.
But that kind of “knowing” of one another is meant to be woven into the fabric of a marriage. I’ve never been a big fan of the term “sex life” (although I recognize it’s a succinct way to refer to sex in a relationship). A more accurate truth is that you have a life—and sex is either nourished in that life or it is neglected (or a combination thereof).
I wish marriage and the sex therein were always easy. But that’s just not how things pan out for most married couples. Most married couples have to be intentional about their entire relationship. Sure, some couples appear to have a deep sense of camaraderie and oneness, and it doesn’t seem to take much effort to find that common ground. But my guess is such couples arrived at that ease because at some point in their relationship, they put in the effort to learn each other and make their relationship a priority.
Whatever direction you walk long enough becomes your normal. You have to figure out if you want a healthy normal or an unhealthy normal. What’s your baseline?
When you think of your marriage, how are you doing beneath the sheets? How are you doing on your feet? Do you see how the two are more connected than possibly you’ve considered? Better yet, do you see the value in taking steps toward a healthier normal—in bed and out of bed.
Give it some thought and use this post as a conversation starter with your spouse.
Copyright 2021, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.