Have You Considered an 80/80 Marriage?

Months ago, Dr. Nate Klemp, Phd, reached out to me to talk about a new book he and his wife, Kaley Klemp, were writing titled The 80/80 Marriage: A New Model for a Happier, Stronger Relationship.

The book recently arrived on my doorstep! 

Those who have followed me know I always offer up this disclaimer on any resource: Glean what applies to your marriage and let go of the rest.

No resource is going to resonate on every level and in every circumstance, but rarely do I encounter a marriage resource that doesn’t have some nuggets of insight that shine. This holds true for the Klemps’ book as well! While this is not marketed as a Christian book, it is a book from which I think any marriage could benefit.

The Klemps do an excellent job in the first half of the book unpacking the different ways we collectively as a society have approached doing marriage.

We’ve heard ratios like 80/20 and 50/50, as well as words like “fairness” and “shared responsibility.”  Marriage is arguably the most studied, researched and dissected human relationship, and the Klemps succinctly help us understand the broad picture.

But as you and I both know, it all comes down to what the two people in it are willing to do to have a healthy, strong and mutually-enjoyable relationship. And what works for one couple may not work for another. The crux is in the details—the nuances, expectations, strategies and efforts—that each couple unpacks, defines and navigates.

The second half of the book explores this 80/80 model, whereby the Klemps offer up valuable insights and techniques on cultivating radical generosity, appreciation and shared success in your marriage.

There is a chapter on sex, which obviously is an aspect of marriage that often reveals much about the overall health of the marriage. Generally speaking, though, this is a marriage book, not a sex book. I’m grateful, though, that the Klemps carved out a whole chapter dedicated to sex! Woot! Woot!

I love that the book is chock full of examples, anecdotes, research and specific techniques. It gives truly practical steps a couple can take to make their marriage better. And isn’t it great that we have so many opportunities for that? The Klemps have added to the marriage enrichment sphere a book that I have no doubt will positively impact countless couples.

I often say to people who are struggling in their marriage that baby steps count. What can you individually and together do to make your covenant stronger and your oneness more fulfilling?

Whatever those steps are, today is a good day to start. The 80/80 Marriage may be exactly the trove of ideas that will help you take those steps.

Copyright 2021, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.

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3 thoughts on “Have You Considered an 80/80 Marriage?

  1. Richard says:

    My Mom would say when we were growing up, “People say marriage should be 50/50 but they’re wrong. It should be more like 60/40, BUT BOTH SPOUSES have to believe that.” Experience has proven to me how right she was.

  2. David says:

    Great post!

    Numbers are relative,, right?

    I know my wife puts 100% of herself into our relationship and I try to do the same. I see it in her heart, I hope she can see it mine.

    We are entering the twilight of our lives and we want to give it everything we got.

  3. Monica says:

    How do you do 50/50 or 80/80 with three kids ans one with severe needs. I find this impossible. My husband works full time and I’m full time kids and kid related things plus I work part time if I can find it ans we are hanging on by our fingernails let alone figuring out how to even spend time together. My daughter can’t even sleep alone so where does that leave a marriage. Nice idea if you don’t have children and all you have is work.

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