My husband and I have different approaches to loading a dishwasher—and how we clean up a kitchen in general after a meal.
The specifics of the differences aren’t relevant. Just know that they do exist, not unlike the differences a married couple may encounter on any number of things in life that aren’t exactly consequential, but still crop up on a somewhat regular basis.
For the longest time I couldn’t believe he didn’t come around to my way of doing things. You know, the right way. I imagine it’s because he was thinking at some point I would come around to his way of doing things, which I’m sure he saw as the right way as well.
It sounds kind of revolutionary to say it this way, but could it be that there is no right way? There are only different ways.
The more I grew to appreciate that, the better it was for our marriage. I realized that while there are some battles worth fighting, how to load a dishwasher is certainly not one of them.
There’s no need to die on the side of every mountain. Most mountains, in fact, aren’t worth climbing to prove your point. Even if you could be “victorious” on all those inconsequential mountains, you’d likely reach the top, only to discover you were up there alone.
And what good would that do for your marriage?
If I could give some advice to newlyweds, particularly young newlyweds, I would say figure out your non-negotiables. What are the things where you are willing to say, “I will die on the side of this mountain for what I believe is right.” Once the list is no more than 2-3, take a breath and remember why you fell in love with your spouse.
It can do wonders for your marriage to not be so adamant about your way. Remember, I’m not talking about the big issues. I’m talking about the battles you would probably reflect on as endearing and actually would miss if a police officer was standing at your door giving you tragic news.
There is not one way to load a dishwasher. Or to fold laundry. Or to mow a yard. Or to wrap a Christmas gift. Or to serve a holiday meal. Or to organize a pantry.
There are only different ways.
It can do wonders for your marriage to not be so adamant about your way. Where can you extend grace and be open to a new perspective?
There is not one right way. There are only different ways. This little revelation did wonders for my marriage.
Copyright 2020, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.