Yes, I know. Your spouse may be the one who is sabotaging sex in your marriage.
Certainly, the actions of one spouse affect the other, not to mention the overall health of the marriage. There are a million different scenarios where one person’s actions jeopardize the stability and future of a marriage.
So I get that sometimes it’s on your spouse as to why things aren’t going well sexually in your relationship.
But what about when it’s you? Are you your own worst enemy when it comes to sex in your marriage?
Some of you can’t click away from this post fast enough, not because it’s not you, but because it is. And you know it. I hope you won’t click away. Anyone who has read even a small portion of what I’ve written recognizes my heart is one of encouragement.
I’m perpetually believing that with some honest self evaluation and course correction, a person can make better what they’ve sabotaged in their marriage.
Are you your own worst enemy when it comes to sex in your marriage? There’s no reason to start down a self-deprecating shame spiral, because nothing good comes from that. A better approach is to take a breath and resolve to make some positive changes.
Recognizing it’s you is likely half the battle. The rest of the hard, yet worthwhile, work comes in what you do once you’ve owned the responsibility.
A good place to start is coming clean with your spouse. Sure, if you’ve been thwarting sex in the marriage, they likely aren’t clueless of your role in all this. Still, a conversation is in order. If it feels beyond impossible to start this verbally, then start with a letter.
A letter isn’t an easy out, as some people would lead you to believe. A letter can be a tremendous way to organize your thoughts, speak from the heart, admit wrongdoing and ask for forgiveness. The goal of a letter is it would be a springboard into face-to-face conversation, as well as an expression of your resolve that you want the two of you together to work on healing the sexual disconnect.
In many marriages, both spouses have contributed in subtle ways and not-so-subtle ways to the growing sexual distance and/or discord. In those scenarios, rarely do both people step up and take ownership at the same time.
Even if you know you are not completely to blame for what’s been happening, you still can be the first to speak up.
What part have you played and what can you do now when it comes to healing the sexual struggles in your marriage?
Copyright 2020, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.