Sex When You’re Not Emotionally Connected?


no-emotional-connection-sexHave you and your spouse ever had sex when you weren’t emotionally connected?

Some of you laughed out loud when you just read that sentence. You maybe even said out loud with much sarcasm, “Um. Yeah.”

This is a painful topic to write about, but at the same time, it so needs light. It needs to be called out and unpacked.

Having had sex numerous times with my husband when we are wildly emotionally connected, I easily recognize how different everything feels when we don’t have that. (Yes. Hard to believe, I’m sure. The sex blogger and her husband sometimes have sex when they are struggling with each other).

I was thinking lately about this…about what it feels like to have sex when either of us (or both of us) are not in a good emotional place with our relationship.

We are maybe even adversarial with each other. I’m not too fond of calling it angry sex, but sometimes that’s what it feels like. It’s not physical anger or harshness, but rather there is a tension or frustration in knowing that even though we love each other, we don’t exactly like each other at that moment.

Not the best sex in our marriage, that’s for sure. Not even close.

On a deeper level, this just further confirms to me how spiritual sex is. It’s potential for indescribable oneness and pleasure—emotionally and physically—becomes all that more apparent when we have a sexual encounter that lacks that.

I don’t ever want to be content with sex that lacks emotional connection. I don’t want to land there. I don’t want to set up camp there. I don’t want to live our marital life in that space.

I hope you feel the same way about your marriage. I hope you, like me, are conscientious of where relational work needs to be done. And I hope we all set about doing it.

For more reading, you can cruise through my list of past posts, as well as my page with a bunch of posts on orgasm.

Copyright 2020, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.

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2 thoughts on “Sex When You’re Not Emotionally Connected?

  1. Running Deeper says:

    Hear, hear Julie! Great challenge. Did make me think and no, I don’t think that’s been a part of our marriage and sex life.

  2. David says:

    It is painful to think about how long it has taken to be emotionally connected with my spouse. (years)

    The love making may have been intense, slow and unhurried, emotionally erotic (and daily) but even so I sometimes think that we were having straight sex because we didn’t connect and often failed to discover compromises without verbally sparring.

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