Intimacy in Marriage

BETTER Sex in Your Christian Marriage

Your Lovemaking Skills Tank When You Are Tanked

problems-with-sex-and-drunkennessToo much alcohol and great sex shouldn’t even be in the same sentence.

It’s like inviting to a party two people who you know don’t get along, thinking this will be the time they get along—only to discover what ample anecdotal evidence has shown you in the past.

Things are not going to go well.

Too much alcohol makes for crappy lovemaking. It just does.

And to make things worse, the spouse who has had too much alcohol often wildly overestimates their lovemaking skills under these circumstances. It’s a pathetic mix of annoying, sloppy and frustrating.

I should know.

I have been in both positions. I have had too much to drink and thought I could be stellar in bed. And I have been on the receiving end of someone who has had too much to drink and thought they could be stellar.

My hope is that you and your spouse don’t drink excessively (and not just because of the downfalls sexually, but because of the downfalls all the way around). The Bible warns of drunkenness, and I believe it does so for good reason. Drunkenness at its worse can cause all kinds of tragedies. And even when it doesn’t cause tragedies, it impairs judgment, compels us to say or do things we would never say or do sober, and often creates an artificial sense of confidence.

Contrary to popular folklore, we are not our true selves when we are drunk. And we certainly are not our best selves. Many people, myself included, can point to sexual encounters in our younger days or college days that were incredibly poor choices, often fueled by too much alcohol.

I’ve written about alcohol and sex in the past. Alcohol can lower inhibitions, and some people believe this can be helpful from a sexual standpoint. But the line can be hard to judge—what is enough to lower inhibitions but too much to make the experience good.

More importantly, getting to a place of being sexually uninhibited with your spouse shouldn’t require alcohol.

The best vulnerability (sexual and otherwise) is that which we reach because we feel free and safe to be our authentic selves. Sexual confidence comes when we have intentionally nurtured our marriage to create a foundation of trust, love and security.

Alcohol may fast track uninhibitedness sexually, but I think it’s a cheaper version of the real thing. And if we can grow to experience and learn the real thing in our marriage, why wouldn’t we?

As I mentioned, the Bible clearly talks about the pitfalls of drunkenness. As for whether drinking any alcohol is acceptable or not, I don’t want to debate this because I know people have different interpretations of scripture and/or personal preferences regarding drinking. Some people (like me) like an occasional drink. Other people choose not to drink.

I think each adult needs to make their own individual decision. And certainly depending on where you live, the laws may also be a factor as to legal drinking age, public drunkenness and so forth.

What I will reiterate over and over is that from a sexual standpoint, being drunk doesn’t make us better lovers. Your lovemaking skills tank when you are tanked.

So if you know in your marriage there is an unhealthy dynamic of drinking too much as a precursor to sex, now may be a good time to reconsider that approach. Now may be a good time to figure out how the two of you can build sexual attraction and lovemaking without alcohol in the mix.

For more reading, you can cruise through my list of past posts, as well as my page with a bunch of posts on orgasm.

And I have a 5-video series available on building better sex in your marriage. Great way to invest in your marriage!  You can find out all about it at this link:  Better Sex in Your Christian Marriage.

Copyright 2020, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.

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July 15th, 2020 by