How Badly Do You Want to Solve Sexual Struggles in Your Marriage?


sexual-struggles-in-marriageWhy do sexual struggles persevere?

Certainly it cannot be for lack of information to solve them. Even in my mere 10 years of writing and speaking on sexual intimacy, I have amassed quite a bit of information on sex.

And where I lack in knowledge and resources, I easily can point to numerous other sources for more information.

And I am not even a researcher or scholar. I have no pedigree, so to speak, in this area of sexual intimacy in marriage. No fancy letters behind by name. No accreditation.

I’m just a motivated Christian wife with more-than-a-fleeting interest in helping couples enjoy authentic sexual intimacy in their marriage.

The sexual struggles to which I’m alluding to in this post are ones that couples could address and overcome. So many sexual struggles in marriage fall into this realm—they are struggles rooted in miscommunication or carelessness with sex or unwillingness to unpack hard things that have become roadblocks or stubborn resistance to letting go of skewed ideas about sex or a refusal to learn what will make sex enjoyable.

The list goes on. Many sexual struggles in marriage are ones coupes could address and overcome.

Sexual struggles persevere not because there aren’t ways to solve them. They persevere because someone doesn’t want to solve them.

And more often than not, it’s one spouse who doesn’t want to solve them. Sometimes neither spouse wants to, but in all my years of doing this, that hasn’t really been my observation.

If you are reading this, my guess is you are either the spouse wanting the struggles solved or the spouse resisting solving the struggles. I’m either preaching to the choir or I’ve garnered the attention of the now woke.

Hear my heart behind this question…

How badly do you want to solve sexual struggles in your marriage?

If you are a spouse who has gone to great lengths to bring about sexual healing and restoration in your marriage, only to be met with resistance, anger or extraordinary attempts to downplay the depth of the problem, I am grieved with you. I am grieved that you have tried—and maybe are still trying—to express what lack of sexual intimacy is doing to you and the marriage overall, without any willingness on your spouse’s part to hear your pleas.

All the information in the world means nothing if not harnessed for action and goodness and growth.

If you are a spouse who is now realizing you have downplayed sexual struggles, much to the detriment of the person you love and to yourself and to the health of your marriage, by all means, see this post as an opportunity.

Don’t receive it as admonishment, but rather as a friend coming along side you and saying, “Yes! This is possible. You can do this. You can get to the root of the struggles. You can have healthier sexual connection going forward.”

And if you are a spouse reading this who knows your spouse has ignored the sexual struggles, but you haven’t done all you can to communicate what the lack of intimacy is doing to you, then welcome this as a nudge.

Have the hard conversation.

Speak it in love, of course, but don’t hesitate to be clear about the depth of your pain and frustration. Sexual denial when there is no reasonable explanation is not fair. And my guess is that what you are truly hungering for is a spouse who wants to enjoy sex with you, rather than someone simply going through the motions.

Have the hard conversation. There are no guarantees, but there definitely will be no progress if you don’t shed light on the difficulties.

How badly do you want to solve sexual struggles in your marriage?

There are so many resources available to help. But someone (or both of you) have to take an initial step in that direction. If you are like most couples who tackle sexual struggles and disconnect in their marriage, it’s a messy messy process. So messy. Sexual intimacy is wrought with raw vulnerability and tremendous awe-inspiring joy, not to mention quite the learning curve, depending on the depth of the struggles. 

But the rewards can be profound. And your marriage is worth it.

For more reading, you can cruise through my list of past posts, as well as my page with a bunch of posts on orgasm.

Copyright 2020, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.

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4 thoughts on “How Badly Do You Want to Solve Sexual Struggles in Your Marriage?

  1. Anon says:

    Nailed it, again. Thanks for the encouragement. It helps build my tenacity to see it through.

  2. Running Deeper says:

    Well said Julie. Seeking to be more and more “unoffendable” has been key to me. It’s amazing how easy it is to take up offence!

  3. Pingback: A Loveliness of Links ~ July 2020 | The Forgiven Wife

  4. Mike says:

    “Sexual struggles persevere not because there aren’t ways to solve them. They persevere because someone doesn’t want to solve them.”

    WOW! How True!

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