authentic, intimacy, sexual intimacy, Uncategorized
Sometimes You Have to Sexually Take One for the Team
Jul
All sexual encounters are not created equal. I think we can all agree on that.
Sometimes sex is a-ma-zing, right?! It’s like you both are locked in to each other emotionally and physically and you’re loving the passion and pleasure and connection. It’s just really great for both of you.
Then there are other times when…eh…not so much.
There are a variety of reasons for the occasional lackluster connection, of course—one being that there are sexual encounters when you and your spouse are just not on the same page. One of you is more enthusiastic than the other one about sex in that moment. One wants to have sex and the other one doesn’t.
The different levels of interest and enthusiasm may have nothing to do with division between the two of you. Although, sometimes the tension is indeed the culprit. I get that. There are a lots of times when it’s just the ebb and flow of life that is sapping the sexual enthusiasm of one of you.
Generally speaking, even couples who generally have great sexual intimacy aren’t always going to equally enjoy every encounter.
One of you is more distracted or tired or simply just not that sexually interested at the moment.
Sometimes, though, you have to sexually take one for the team.
No, I’m not talking about coercion. And I’m not talking about expecting your spouse to have sex with you if there is a reasonable reason they are saying “no” in that moment.
What I am talking about is when one of you wants sex and the other one is not feeling all that interested. If you are the spouse who isn’t all that interested and you don’t have a good excuse for saying “no,” then take a breath.
And then consider taking one for the team.
The marriage team, that is.
If we stop and think about it, a lot of marriage is like this. Throughout our days and years of marriage, we each have to be sacrificial for the best interest of the relationship and the life we’ve built together.
Look at any aspect of your life, and you will find where you each have made sacrifices. Vacation choices. Holiday plans. Finances. Career moves. Car colors. Baby names. Room decor. House additions. Time with in-laws. And so on.
The hope, of course, is that you each have made sacrifices in the best interest of the relationship and the life you’ve built together.
And so it is with sex. There is going to be some sacrifice every now and then. Sometimes you do have to take one for the team.
Don’t forget what I’ve often pointed out. Sex can happen in less than a half hour. Yes, you do have to pony up with a bit of time and energy, but as far as sacrifices go, I’m sure you can look at other areas of your marriage where you’ve had to sacrifice a lot more.
I’m just trying to help you keep it all in perspective. Sometimes you have to sexually take one for the team.
For more reading, you can cruise through my list of past posts, as well as my page with a bunch of posts on orgasm.
Copyright 2020, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.
Never want to miss one of my posts? Subscribe via email on this page. And be sure to join my more than 10,000 followers on my Facebook page and 11,000 followers on Twitter.
I take one for the team by not asking for sex. Unfortunately, I do this on a regular basis.
Hah – yeah, that was my first thought as well.
You said it well here Julie:
If we stop and think about it, a lot of marriage is like this. Throughout our days and years of marriage, we each have to be sacrificial for the best interest of the relationship and the life we’ve built together.
Thanks for the encouragement and the challenge.
After 30 years of marriage, we finally talked about our different libidos. We now have scheduled sex twice a week. When my wife is not into it, she provides oral to completion. Something she did not do in our first 30 years of marriage. It only takes five minutes. We agree I am happier and easier to live with after weekly BJs. At least once a week we make love. That is enough for my wife.