I could have just asked, “Is your marriage a priority?”
I think, though, that gives too much wiggle room for someone to declare that their marriage is indeed a priority—even if sex within it isn’t.
First let me offer the disclaimer that for the purposes of today’s post, I am talking about marriages where there’s no reasonable reason sex isn’t happening. I often give this disclaimer to get ahead of any push back I might get that I’m being insensitive to marriages navigating deep betrayal or struggle.
Today I’m talking about average everyday marriages navigating the normal ups and downs of life.
Is your marriage and sex within it a priority?
There are many people who wouldn’t skip a beat in responding that their marriage is a priority. But if pressed on the issue of sex and whether that aspect of their marriage is held in high regard, their confidence would start to wane.
I’m going to give you something even deeper to ponder. The infamous question behind the question.
What if sex is a descriptor of marriage, rather than just something within it? What if someone asked, “What is marriage?” and a plausible answer was “sex”?
Certainly I know there is more to marriage than sex. But from a biblical and God-honoring perspective, one key aspect that sets marriage apart from all other human relationships is that God designed sex for marriage.
In biblical context, sex is never treated as an “only-if-I-feel-like-it” activity in marriage. Marriage and sex are synonymous—so woven together that we do not know where one ends and the other begins. Never do we see a man and woman exchange marriage vows (or hear that they have exchanged marriage vows) and think that they won’t be having sex.
If anything, we would be greatly concerned if either the groom or bride expressed that they didn’t plan to have sex. It would be odd. We would intuitively know it would be a recipe for disaster. And yet countless marriages drift to a place where sex is relegated to the backseat (and not in a good way!)
Too often, sexual intimacy loses its significance in a marriage—and I’m talking about long before the effects of aging take a toll on sex.
It’s a sad drift when a husband and wife still could be enjoying and pursuing a passionate sexual connection, but either one or both of them have decided there’s no reason for sex to be a priority. Not surprising, usually it’s one of them has decided. The other spouse is left frustrated, discouraged and confused by the lack of sexual intimacy with the one person with whom they can morally have sex.
So let’s circle back to the first question. Is your marriage and sex within it a priority?
Think about that for a moment.
And after that, consider discussing the question with your spouse. This could be one of the most transformational discussions you have, especially if sexual intimacy has lost its significance in your marriage.
Copyright 2020, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.