authentic, marriage problems, sexual intimacy, sexual struggles, Uncategorized
Giving Yourself Grace When Sex Struggles Seem Insurmountable
May
I write a lot about solutions to sexual struggles. Strategies. Steps. Suggestions. Ideas.
But today I want to just say it’s okay to give yourself grace when you’ve tried—and still the sexual struggles exist.
Sometimes we have to sit with the sadness. And the frustration.
Sometimes we do have to call it a day, knowing we gave it our best shot at untangling the sexual confusion and difficulty in our marriage. It’s time to rest for the moment. Time to reflect.
Time to give yourself grace when sex struggles seem insurmountable.
Oh, it’s not to say you won’t come at them again. Maybe try a new strategy. Or read a new post or a new book. It’s not to say you’ve given up. I hope you won’t give up completely. I’ve long said that as long as two people are married, I like to believe there is at least a sliver of hope that sexual intimacy can improve.
But today.
Today it’s good to give yourself some grace. If this post is resonating with you because you are tired—so tired—of sexual struggles in your marriage that are stagnant, then I pray you give yourself some grace.
For more reading, you can cruise through my list of past posts, as well as my page with a bunch of posts on orgasm.
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Thanks, just what I needed. Good opportunity to remember that my spouse is not my enemy.
Julie, this was a comment I read on a forum I follow, and I’d love your comment. Not a theological oppinion, just an honest one from your unique POV. Thanks for playing.
I read so many accounts about how to fix a sexless marriage. And they all seem to follow a very similar theme. The man in the marriage is advised to generally be a complete slave to his wife in the hope of being rewarded by sex. The man is advised to do all kinds of a long list of exhaustive favours for his wife. I wouldn’t exploit anybody for sex and I was disturbed by the amount of advice on the internet advising men to encourage their wives to exploit them like this. I wonder how many women read these internet sites. How disturbing in a world of so called equality.
“Sex is a core part of marriage. Without regular sex, unless by consent of both partners, marriage is a fraud and a deception to society as a whole and the marriage should be dissolved. I also think that a sustained sexless marriage is a form of abuse. There are many ways to have relationships with people however marriage involves sex.”
@Notdeadyet… sorry it took me a few days to respond. I would first say that there are more varied opinions out there on fixing a sexless marriage than the one you described. Not sure if you are coming across such advice from secular sources or Christian sources? Most of the Christian marriage bloggers I know who are blogging about sex give a much more rounded view that speaks more of mutual responsibility for healthy sexual intimacy. As for whether a marriage should be dissolved if there is not regular sex, I think each marriage is unique and it’s short-sighted to make such a blanket statement that all marriages without regular sex should be dissolved. I wrote an exhaustive post about this titled “Sexless Marriage? 10 Questions to Ask Before You Leave.” https://intimacyinmarriage.com/2015/03/10/sexless-marriage-10-questions-to-ask-before-you-leave/ I do think that if a husband and wife can be having sexual intimacy of some sort (preferably intercourse included, but even sexual touch and closeness if intercourse is physically not possible), then they should be having it. Anyway, not sure if this gets to the heart of what you were asking. There seem to be a lot of generalities in your comment that paint things with a broad brush. Better to look at each marriage uniquely, in my opinion, and strategize accordingly as to what is best for that marriage (including whether it should be dissolved).